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Just announced adoption plans, and freaking out a bit now

(14 Posts)
chocolatebrioche Tue 23-May-17 23:24:29

Hello everyone. I haven't been on here for ages, as my kids are a bit older now. However my lovely DH and I have been in the adoption process since last year, and have just been accepted on to stage 2.
We have been holding off a bit from telling anyone other than our closest family and friends, but felt that now we probably should let our wider friends network know about our plans.
So (with DH on board) I put a short message on facebook to tell those who don't know. Oh my goodness, you'd have thought I'd announced that I was pregnant with quads. Or possibly a baby giraffe. My phone is pinging off the table.
I'm touched that everyone is so excited for us, but now feel a teensy bit sick and scared - it's suddenly got very real and I'm not going to lie, I am freaking out a tad. Is this how everyone feels? I'm not an extrovert by nature, and this is uncomfortable for me, but better than explaining to everyone I know face-to-face... I think....!?

GirlsWhoWearGlasses Wed 24-May-17 06:22:03

Wow. I guess I'm wondering why you did that, put a post on FB? My concern would partly be that you are setting up expectations amongst your circle of acquaintances that you will be sharing information about the adoption. At some stage you'll have to put a line in the sand to protect the privacy of your child to be.

Also, adoption is a process with twists and turns and sometimes there are hard decisions to make which people not in that situation don't understand. Sharing this with everyone you know will, I fear, make that harder for you.

But on the feeling overwhelmed, yes absolutely, totally normal smile

feelingoldandtired Wed 24-May-17 06:53:07

She did it because she's excited

luckylucky24 Wed 24-May-17 07:05:42

I don't remember feeling too overwhelmed at this point. Matching was where it suddenly got real for us.
I would avoid putting stuff on FB in future. When your child is placed you will not be allowed to show pictures online and there will be a lot of info you cannot share. Discretion is hard to put in practice as people are naturally nosy.

feelingoldandtired Wed 24-May-17 12:28:48

Are you really not allowed to put pictures on
Line isn't this just for a certain period of time ?

GirlsWhoWearGlasses Wed 24-May-17 15:50:22

It's not about not being 'allowed', it's the danger it could present for your child that determines so many things - social media presence, school photos - all an individual judgement based on the history and present of the individual child. In saying that, I can only think of one adopter that I actually know who posts pictures of their child on Facebook.

luckylucky24 Wed 24-May-17 18:13:55

Feelingold - at least until things are legal.

It is easy to trace people now with social media. You post a pic of your child's first day of school and it won't take long for Bp to find you if they wish to do so. I feel we are at an advantage as we adopted out of the area which makes us feel more at ease. We probably wont be posting face on photos though if any at all. I rarely post pictures of my birth son.

bostoncremecrazy Wed 24-May-17 19:53:35

chocolatebrioche - i don't know anyone else who announced on fb that they were on to stage 2, but we are all different and i guess it saves you telling people individually.....
my advice would just be to protect yourself at each stage as it can be a long long process and people think one day a child just arrives...It can be difficult for people to appreciate the journey you will go on to get there and you may get fed up of 'nagging'....
Obviously I would exercise caution re privacy as well.

to the PP who asked about pictures online - we are 9 years into adoption and have never put a picture of our children online, our children can never have their pictures taken in the school play, can never appear in the local paper when they win an award, they can not appear in their class photo in case another parent puts it on facebook with the name of the school. our children's names have been changed but you cannot change the face of a child they saw aged 3
I'm fb friends with probably 40 or so adoptive families - of those 2 families put pictures of their children online, and 3 more put pictures of their older teenagers online.

delilabell Wed 24-May-17 23:02:16

Op I thibk you're feeling overwhelmed because this makes it "real" doesn't it?
I think it's lovely people are being supportive. We shared our adoption journey on Facebook (prep, courses social workers, Lo's room being prepared ) just as for our birth child we did.
Also , sharing of pictures on social media is completely individual. We share photos of lo . We haven't changed his name, but our security settings are high and we only have a small group of friends. He is also not in any danger which is a big reason why we feel at ease enough too.
I think some people have been a bit harsh to you.

DuncanDonut Wed 24-May-17 23:59:11

I put photos on as well, though my settings are as locked down as possible. I went through my friends list and decided if I wouldn't recognise them walking down the street, they shouldn't stay on. My friends list is hidden, I never use a photo of me or DD as a profile or a background, I don't put a location, and I'm not searchable. I've also blocked all the birth relatives, and never post DD's name (and delete any messages if people post it my mum, loads . We adopted waaay out of area, so I think we're pretty safe.

chocolatebrioche Thu 25-May-17 08:57:30

Thanks for your replies, really appreciated.
I do understand that we will may well need to come off Facebook if we get approved and have a child placed, and will certainly need to keep our child's identity safe.
. One of the reasons we posted is that we both have large extended families around the world who we rarely see, but want to be kept in the loop. We've kept in touch like this for the last couple of years.
I guess when so many people commented on our post, it just brought home to me that it's real, and the chances are we will be parents again, and this will impact all our close relationships. . I just didn't expect people to be so interested. Which was daft really, because so many folk are touched by adoption in some way.
The lovely thing is the level of support and excitement- I finally feel like I can risk getting a bit excited about it too now!

OlennasWimple Thu 25-May-17 20:23:13

Just a head's up OP that lots of people dont' understand adoption, or the process you are going through now, so you may get inundated with lots of well meaning but frustrating questions about "when you are going to get your baby" and similar

Congratulations, though! Yes, it's normal to find it overwhelming and scary - it shoudl be really, given what it means!

Poudrenez Fri 26-May-17 13:01:19

Hi OP - I would echo what others are saying about steeling yourself for lots of questions from (well meaning) people who don't understand the process. We're currently being matched with a child, and I get at least 3 'any news yet'? questions a day. I wish I'd kept my trap shut! I'm also relatively introverted. it's so draining. I'm also a bit scared too, FWIW.

Chocogoingcuckoo Mon 29-May-17 21:51:06

Hey, that's nice your friends on Facebook are being so congratulatory. We keep in touch with lots of family in other countries on Facebook and have created a private group (with an invited few) for sharing any updates. Like previous poster my page is as secure as possible but it's such a small world and you just don't know who knows who that may share your information.

Good luck with stage 2!

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