Talk

Advanced search

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Contact before adoption order

(7 Posts)
Rainatnight Wed 17-May-17 11:43:33

Sorry to post yet another question about contact.

Our LA have said that we should write a short 'settling in' letter to BM, along the lines of 'LO is here and doing fine, we'll be back in touch with a longer letter later this year'.

I was fine with this but just realised (duh) that of course this will be before our adoption order goes through.

Is this normal?

And I'm a bit worried that if she takes against our letter for any reason that it'll make her more likely to contest.

I'd appreciate any views/experiences. Thanks.

Pebbles17 Wed 17-May-17 12:55:39

We had to do a settling in letter for BM, BD & BGM. It is normal for our LA to do this, this was done around 8 weeks into placement.

We actually met with BGM before the AO was applied for and I think helped BD (son of BGM) realise that our little girl was settled and I think it helped dissuade him from contesting. Not that they stood a chance but it was nice for it to be granted on the day.

UnderTheNameofSanders Wed 17-May-17 15:08:25

We certainly did contact letters before adoption order.
I think it helped birth family know we were going to do contact properly.

Rainatnight Wed 17-May-17 19:23:59

That's really helpful, thanks so much. Our LA has been bonkers and difficult on other aspects of contact, so my default now is not to trust them. sad

But we'll do the settling in letter if it's standard.

Can I ask how long/short/detailed/not your were?

UnderTheNameOfSanders Wed 17-May-17 20:15:31

A settling in one would be shortish I think. e.g.

LO has settled in well and has been with us for 8 weeks. He generally sleeps through the night with the teddy you gave him, but sometimes needs to be rocked to sleep if he wakes. Has a good appetite and has recently found out he like broccoli and also turnips. He has started speaking and now says 'doggy' 'woof' and 'bye bye'. He likes waving at the trains as they go through the station.

Otherwise we do 1 page A4 typed, no more, no less, sometimes varying font size (2 DC).
No future stuff.
Nothing too negative that may be worrying, but touching on issues as needed.
Education, health, interests, achievements, character. Not everything every time.

bostoncremecrazy Wed 17-May-17 21:51:38

we also did a settling in contact letter to each BP,

X has settled in, is happy, sleeps all night, is eating well, has been healthy bar a new tooth etc. Half an A4 page.

we use the childs old name although we have given a new name....and address it to mummy X, daddy Y, and sign off with - Best Wishes (we do not give our name)

there is no single way of ending - everyone does it differently, and calls the BP by whatever is most comfortable to them. (we are happy to use mummy X, daddy Y as our older AC still use that phrase as lived with them)

Rainatnight Fri 19-May-17 13:15:47

That's really helpful, boston and Sanders, thank you.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now