Advanced search

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Freaking out, SS may have sent my details to BM

(15 Posts)
FreakingO Fri 12-May-17 16:52:56

Name changed.

About to lose my mind, SS have mixed up letterbox letter and my acknowledgement letter.

Went to collect from post office this morning and it was my pack that I had dropped to them last week with a letter to BM saying here's your letterbox and her full address on it.

I rang and asked you haven't sent my receipt letter to her have you and got told oh I'm not sure.

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

Have spent most of the afternoon locked in a room with SW's and I'm drained more than I ever imagined possible.

The incompetence is staggering and records so poor that they say really don't know what went where. They were 99% sure that the receipt letter was never written but I've just come home to find it on the doormat. Cant believe a word they say. The logical part of my brain is saying it's ok, they won't have sent two you have the only one, the Mum part of my brain is screaming for blood for the potential risk they put us in.

Just needed to tell someone who gets it. My poor father picked up the phone to me mid panic attack and dashed over, I think he's in more shock than me as though there had been an accident.

luckylucky24 Fri 12-May-17 16:58:39

I would be emailing the adoption team about this. This is a huge safeguarding issue!

FreakingO Fri 12-May-17 17:13:09

That's who I've been with. I need to calm down long enough to write my formal complaint.

My head feels like it's going to split open.

crispandcheesesandwichplease Fri 12-May-17 19:34:23

Bloody hell freaking, that's horrendous. What are social services going to do about it?

FreakingO Fri 12-May-17 20:08:50

Put a policy in place that the contents of any non window envelopes are checked by the manager.....because that's going to fix the problem of having two envelopes and two letters and getting them mixed up.

I had to leave at that point, I couldn't stand another second of it. Told them I want everything they said today in writing along with their plan to stop it happening again.

Will be raising a formal complaint next week when I can think straight.

lookatyourwatchnow Fri 12-May-17 20:11:53

It's not difficult to get right, is it? For the sake of the wellbeing of a family. Take it further, OP. Their response isn't good enough

Ketzele Fri 12-May-17 20:16:37

Oh god, OP. I'm sure I remember this - or something similar - happening to another MN adopter. It is frightening. All fingers crossed for you.

flapjackfairy Fri 12-May-17 20:28:59

What level of risk do they pose?
As a foster carer and adoptor i know how incredibly rare it is for bp to turn up on the doorstep even when cock ups occur.
It has happened to me. We took an 11 month old as a foster placement with a view to adoption if all went ok getting a placement order.
It was a secure placement which was hard to come by due to the little one having v complex medical needs.
We had only had him in placement a week or 2 when we were sent the diagnosis letter from the hospital which had been sent to bp and copied to us.
There across the top in big bold type was our address underlined for good measure! And when attending another appoint with bp a different consultant blurted out our address. Honestly you couldnt make it up but luckily we have never had any trouble at all and little one now adopted .
So take a deep breath . It may not have been sent and if it has you may have no issues. But it is truly shocking and needs sorting out as they are putting families at unnecessary risk.
If it is an issue then i know some have moved and billed la for all costs etc which is the least they can do imo.
Hope you have no problems x

crispandcheesesandwichplease Fri 12-May-17 20:29:23

freaking their policy doesn't protect you as it's already happened. If they can't guarantee that your details haven't been accidentally sent to BM they need to take some protective action. They will probably try to minimise any risks but you can't.

I used to work as a children's SW and in one case where the foster carers' address was accidentally sent to BPs we actually had to offer the foster carers financial assistance in moving house.

In another situation we paid for security cameras, spyholes etc when a foster carer's details were though to have been compromised.

I really think you ought to seek some legal advice on this unless they can GUARANTEE that your confidentiality hasn't been protected.

FreakingO Fri 12-May-17 20:46:07

Thank you everyone, I'm so fucking angry I keep bursting into tears.

I won't be leaving it at this, will be taking it as far as I can.

Really don't know what would happen if it has gone, on one hand this person couldn't be arsed to turn up for many contacts visits when LO was in FC so why bother now, no criminal history, failed to keep DS safe rather than abuse/neglect iyswim. However, same can't be said for the rest of the family as google will testify.

SS totally downplaying this, I want heads to fucking roll.

Think I will try to speak to a solicitor on Monday and see what's what.

Massive birth family and all within a 15 min drive from our home. They last saw LO around 18 months ago and would recognise LO now as still only a pre schooler and looks a slighter older version of themselves.

crispandcheesesandwichplease Fri 12-May-17 21:06:22

freaking I'm not at all surprised you're so worried. As well as having been a SW I've been on the other side of the service as a foster carer and adopter and been completely horrified at their minimisation of privacy and security issues.

Do not let them make out that you're just over-reacting (as was our experience) just to save themselves effort and, more significantly, money.

And not turning up at contacts (during the day, at a particular time and place) is not an indicator of whether or not birth family will hassle you if they have your details. Many BPs have chaotic lifestyles that make it almost impossible for them to turn up at a given, pre-arranged time for contact. Doesn't mean they are not interested in making trouble when the time suits them.

I'm glad you are considering my earlier suggestion that you consider getting legal advice.

tldr Fri 12-May-17 22:12:03

If you're genuinely concerned for safety/security get in touch with the police now and let them know the situation. I think they can flag your number or something if you're known to them.

Sorry this has happened. Just awful. flowers

Italiangreyhound Fri 12-May-17 22:34:36

Sorry to hear this, very incompetence.

crispandcheesesandwichplease Fri 12-May-17 23:45:52

freaking, just a further word of advice based on my experience. Keep all communication with social services to email if possible. They don't always send you stuff in writing (as you've requested) and phone calls are pretty useless as a record as it just ends up your word against theirs if there's adifference of opinion down the line.

Any perceived misunderstandings around further communication and what they say they'll do cannot be questioned if you've got it in black and white. Any social worker worth their salt will be more than happy to have an ongoing record of discussion if they''re being honest and upfront. Sorry to sound paranoid but experience has taught me a lot in terms of what promises are made and what actually ensues.

FreakingO Sat 13-May-17 06:15:04

Thanks crisp.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: