Talk

Advanced search

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

POST ADOPTION SUPPORT STRUGGLE

(8 Posts)
Stella67 Sun 30-Apr-17 08:54:51

We adopted a very traumatised little girl last year with extensive therapeutic needs. She's been having weekly therapy which needs to continue for at least another year and probably beyond. The LA responsible for agreeing the ASF application took weeks to agree it resulting in her missing a planned session which had to be cancelled the night before. The cost is £10K so £5K from ASF which should be matched by the LA. In this case the LA are responsible for the trauma caused to our daughter as they left her with a foster carer who abused and neglected her for 3.5 years! The placement agreement states that the LA would fund therapy so our daughter has a legal and contractual right to this support and we're concerned that it's such a battle to get the support she needs which is fundamentally wrong!

It seems to us that the adoption process is designed to make prospective adopters feel grateful for the opportunity and post adoption that they're merely an inconvenience?! Adopters are vastly undervalued in spite of breaking the cycle of poor parenting that leads to many adoptions and ultimately saving the government million of pounds. Children adopted from foster care are particularly vulnerable to mental health issues so why wouldn't help be provided early on to minimise the risk of long-term issues? It's crazy!

If anyone else feels the same, please get in touch. It's about time Adopters fought back.

luckylucky24 Sun 30-Apr-17 09:04:57

It seems to us that the adoption process is designed to make prospective adopters feel grateful for the opportunity and post adoption that they're merely an inconvenience?! Adopters are vastly undervalued in spite of breaking the cycle of poor parenting that leads to many adoptions and ultimately saving the government million of pounds. Children adopted from foster care are particularly vulnerable to mental health issues so why wouldn't help be provided early on to minimise the risk of long-term issues? It's crazy!

Couldn't be more true!
Sorry about your little girl. I hope you get grr help you need.

Claramarion Sun 30-Apr-17 09:32:24

I am a foster carer and that is horrendous we are placed in a position of trust and for that to happen for 3.5 years makes me feel sick and emotional at
The same time.

We
In foster carer do also struggle at times to get the support that is required and this can be harder when you are not a local authority carer unfortunately at times it feels the only times we are heard is when we threaten to break down the placement which is awful as
My personal opinion is that is not what being a foster carer is
About. Obviously this is different for you as breaking down an adoption I'm sure to you is unthinkable. But as exhausting as it is keep fighting for what your child needs as you will know what is best.

Stella67 Sun 30-Apr-17 11:22:38

Hi Claramarion

Sadly anyone with malicious intent (foster carer or adopter) will get through the system. It is sickening that the very system that was meant to protect our daughter is what caused her significant harm. Social workers and local authorities should be appropriately trained and have the authority to act when things are not right. Our daughter missed developmental milestones by years not months - what were they doing?!

Problem is that when adoptive parents, and I would imagine that it's the same for foster carers, try to advocate for these kids you're pushed away and treated with contempt by the professionals.

Claram55 Sun 30-Apr-17 12:42:07

Yes it is at times and then on the other hand we are expected and held
To standards of duty of care as
Professionals and yes the sw should have noticed.
And whilst I'm not excusing anyone
Could discuss budgets and politics and case loads but I'd be here all day
And as you said it's awful when a system that is
Meant to protect fails.

I've got to say after being on
Here id
never thought of the adoption side of it especially with traumatised child and it's clear that at times therapeutic parenting is needed.
We do this with the children we foster but have reviews, a supervising social worker and hopefully a
Support network (other foster carers generally).

As you say post adoption possibly needs reviewing and further support needs
To be available.
Good luck

2old2beamum Sun 30-Apr-17 13:24:36

Stella67 I couldnt agree more, despite our youngest 2 have complex needs, both have continuing health care not a sniff of a social worker. The eldest is just 18 and will not leave school for another year his adoption allowance stopped on his birthday.
We have a saying in this house when the adoption is complete TYNSO (Thank You Now Sod Off)
To my shame I have discouraged 2 families with children with complex needs not to adopt due to the total absence of support
Good luck with your little one and as you say adopters need a voice.

What a grumpy post........I would not be without our fivesmile

Italiangreyhound Sun 30-Apr-17 13:30:44

Stella I also so sorry to hear this has happened.

I think some sort of pressure group to keep this issue in the face of adoption agencies/local and country and voluntary groups, and government would be good.

Does such an organisation exist?

Just to give the other side of the coin (because it does exist), our son had fabulous foster care and we are still in touch with foster caters 3 years later.

The post adoption care we have received drom our county council adoption services has been excellent.

We have had Theraplay, a specific kind of play therapy, which has cut our ds's emotional outbursts by about a half.

I think the spotlight needs to go positively on counties/local authorities/voluntary agencies that do well. Promoting good ones/good practice - best practice always. And when children do not get best practice this needs to be seen as issue of severe concern.

There should be legal sanctions for agencies and individuals who fail children and of course to those who neglect/abuse children or allow that abuse.

I think getting a local MP interested in this topic, and willing to support, may be a way to get help.

Is your dd legally adopted by you now?

If you feel support may be withheld can you not finalise the adoption until you have the help you need?

If your dd is legally adopted could you sue for some sort of settlement to be used to provide on-going support?

I have no experience of this and I have no idea if this is wise

However, I very much feel when professions make mistakes they should be made to do all they can to rectify them.

I don't like being part of a litigious society but I do feel when people are paid to do a job, this type of (I don't know what to call it - gross misconduct) should carry some sanctions and the employer should be responsible for not ensuring the service was provided properly.

I hate to talk in these clinical terms, when it is about a child, but I think of course you need to do what is right for dd to secure her help and bring to account those who have hurt her and allowed her to be hurt. sad angry

I am so sorry for your dear child and for you. I wish you all the best and hope you will get the help your dd needs, long term.

flowers

Stella67 Sun 30-Apr-17 13:50:59

To be clear, my post was designed to draw out the failings in the 'system'. It's not a dig at individual social workers or foster carers. Social workers are over worked and unpaid and there generally doesn't appear to be sufficient funding from Government to allow these kids to get the support they need before and after adoption.

I would like to lobby Government on this issue. I've already written to Ed Timpson, the Minister for Children and Families, but I've been ignored?!!

Anyone interested, please get in touch.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now