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Step parent adoption

(20 Posts)
MichaelINeedYou Tue 11-Apr-17 20:57:56

Can you share with me your experience please? Especially if bio dad objected

We're registered interest for DH to adopt dc He hasn't seen dc in 4 years, numerous police warnings for harassment numerous times, PSO for harassment, applied for contact 1 time then when it was closed by a judge, never applied to contact despite threats to nearly monthly even when standing in front of a judge stating the application was already in and he'd paid (lies) never sent birthday or Christmas cards after the first one (was a letter to me dressed up for dc) or gifts etc he's done nothing for dc whereas DH has done everything first day of school, steps, drs, birthdays etc.

We're expecting him to object but hope we have a good case with SW support

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MichaelINeedYou Wed 12-Apr-17 14:29:23


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delilahbucket Tue 18-Apr-17 10:14:26

You're playing with fire here and this is likely to go against you. It is highly unlikely the courts will allow your dh to adopt. You are better off going for parental responsibility for your dh rather than adopting. Three people can have parental responsibility.

MichaelINeedYou Tue 18-Apr-17 23:07:05

How am I playing with fire? I've spoken to two solicitors that say with the no contact and his past abuse we have a very good shot.

We don't want three parental responsibility we want his gone

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crispandcheesesandwichplease Wed 19-Apr-17 01:05:30

delilah what are you talking about? The Op hasn't said anything to suggest they are doing anything untoward.

Michael I have some experience in these matters. Please PM me if you want some advice.

flapjackfairy Wed 19-Apr-17 06:11:19

On mumsnet there are normally howls of outrage if you suggest step parent adoption . I have seen it before. No idea why !
As you say it would seem pretty straightforward though of course birth father can object but his permission can be dispensed with if the judge deems it appropriate. Dont see what you have got to lose.
Good luck hope it all works out. X

delilahbucket Wed 19-Apr-17 09:08:22

You are playing with fire because it is likely he will decide he wants contact to spite you and these days a judge is extremely reluctant to refuse contact with none resident parents, regardless of their past. Also, they do not like removing parental responsibility. He probably hasn't gone for contact because he can't afford to.
You go for it op. Then you can come back here and complain about how unjust the court system is in twelve months time.

flapjackfairy Wed 19-Apr-17 11:54:24

Have you had experience with this Delilah? You sound a tad bitter!
If he wants contact then nothing should have prevented him pursuing it . Lack of funds no real excuse .
And surely if he wants contact he should be paying child support. You cant expect a judge to give you your rights without also being handed your responsibilities to go with them .
I dont understand your attitude to Michaels post ? Genuinely i would be interested in your experience of the court system .

MichaelINeedYou Wed 19-Apr-17 14:28:13

He stood in front of a judge two years ago and yelled unfair and swore on oath he'd put in an application we're still waiting for that, as well as every other application he's allegedly put in in the past 4 years. He hasn't got the funds? But can afford to do his cars up? Can afford holidays? Can afford to go drinking? Never sent a birthday or Christmas card never sent a present etc he's not short on money he just don't give a damn

You sound incredibly bitter, I'm sorry you feel that way. My child has made it clear they don't want to see him and I'd fight that for them every step of the way

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flapjackfairy Wed 19-Apr-17 14:42:18

By the way if you do a search Michael i am sure there was a similar post a short while ago and it all went through smoothly. Might be worth a look!

delilahbucket Thu 20-Apr-17 13:10:21

Yes I do have experience, but not in the way you think. In my first experience of this I was the partner of the father. He hadn't seen his kids for several years. The children's mother wanted her partner to adopt the kids, citing no contact, bad father etc etc. Not only did she not get her way, he got every other weekend contact, and half of all school holidays. He was a crap father, still is, but as soon as he said he wanted contact in the case, it was ruled that this was a good idea. Social services and cafcass concluded there was no reason for no contact other than the mother refusing to facilitate and having done nothing in order to encourage contact. Adoption was refused. He paid no maintenance. This is a separate issue and not taken into consideration. It is not a case of "you pay, you see your kids, you don't pay, you don't see them". Judges don't see it like that.
The second instance was my sister with her partner trying to adopt her son. His dad hadn't seen him since he was two weeks old (he was 10 when this came about). He was granted supervised contact and adoption refused. Again, no maintenance was paid.
I'm not bitter, neither of these things affected my life. I am realistic when it comes to family court though.

flapjackfairy Thu 20-Apr-17 13:23:59

Oh that is interesting to hear.
I can understand your initial comments now in light of that.

Rosieandtim Thu 20-Apr-17 13:39:17

I do think that generally, the courts are happy to grant PR to more people, than take it away from people where possible. Therefore, applying for PR can be simpler than adoption.

My ex would love for DS to be adopted by a partner of mine, so he didn't have to pay maintenance. I wouldn't, though, because of the identity issues involved.

Identity is complicated, and is essentially what makes adoption different to all other options. You will find people with very strong feelings either way, that adoption is always better, or that it should not be used. The truth is it's not back and white. Every situation is different.

From what you've said, it could go either way, depending on the judge. If bio dad says he wants contact, and there has been no abuse towards the child, it will likely be granted, and adoption refused. The other issue is what is your son's relationship with the rest of his paternal family? If you're wanting your DH to be legally a parent, PR may be the simpler option. It boils down to identity issues, and whether giving bio dad more of a platform in court is worth the stress.

Many people here have had successful step parent adoptions.

MichaelINeedYou Thu 20-Apr-17 22:01:33

Dc has no contact with any of bio dads sides. DH's family all see dc as dh's child as dc2

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tunes01 Thu 27-Apr-17 08:49:50

I really need some advice in this.
My children are 17,15,14
12 months ago my eldest and youngest asked if they could change their names to my fiance we marry in July.
I said you need to spend time thinking about this and I will talk again next year about it.
12 months on neither see their Dad he is not stable or reliable and cruel.
My relationship with him was abusive and controlling but I have tried my hardest to seperate my dislike for their relationship this is not always easy.
Anyway he told my middle daughter by text as she asked him if he would sign the forms to agree to name change he said ok now they are ready to sign he says no way.
But if he wants to adopt them I will sign that.
Can anybody please explain to me why a Dad absent or not would say this.
My kids now want us to pursue adoption do you think because of their ages and my son hasnt spoke or seen him since Dec 14 bar a his Grans funeral but non of them sat near or spoke to their Dad at all.
Would we have any issues with this or is there an alternative. I do not think he will agree to anything he doesnt want them but his controlling side will take over and he will see this as a way to assert the control.

flapjackfairy Thu 27-Apr-17 17:05:03

You cant adopt a child over the age of 16 in the uk tunes so could be tricky.

flapjackfairy Thu 27-Apr-17 17:13:09

Ignore above tunes. I thought i had read that but cant find it now so may be wrong !

flapjackfairy Thu 27-Apr-17 18:58:25

I was wrong sorry. An adoption order application must be lodged before 18th birthday but can the be granted up to age 19 so you have time but would need to press on with it . Sorry again for confusion .

MuvaWifey77 Thu 11-May-17 17:18:58

I didn't read all messages. But am considering same thing with my DS , DH and I wants to adopt and the reason why we haven't done it yet it's because of what Delian said, the biological dad has not contacted court and when we do he might insist he wants contact with my son again . We have a very good shot , no contact in past 6 years, non molestation order against bio dad and residence in my favor . Yet we want to wait, he will oppose it and will try and get in touch I know because he is the. Let demoniac man I've ever met. Good luck OP , the court can dismiss his objection saying , if he oposes and wanted contact he should have been the one asking for something from the court , and he hasnt . Xx

MuvaWifey77 Thu 11-May-17 17:20:46

Sorry . Didn't preview text . So many mistakes :/

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