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Attempting to adopt single.(13 Posts)
So I'm just starting the adoption process, very early days waiting for my first appointment with the LA.
Does anyone have any advise or information they could share.
I'm so excited Iv always wanted to adopt rather than conceive but the thought of being rejected scares me somet crazy.
I'm just at the end of stage 1 and I'm also a single adopter, I've found it a rollercoaster but I've had a great group on the process with me that are all great.
Please ask anything, if I can help I will!
I'm not a single adopter, but I have a friend who is.
Two things I think stand out for me
- be realistic on how you will work / support your child, and what age you can adopt
- show you are able to create / have a good support network and you can ask for help as needed (e.g. what if you are ill)
These things are true for adopters in a couple too, but I think even more important for singles.
I adopted on my own a few years ago. I remember the fear of rejection too!
Things the SWs were particularly interested in were as sanders says - support network and understanding the age range that would be most suitable for you. They were also very keen to scrutinise finances and make sure I could cover sufficient adoption leave. This was a bit of a stumbling block for me but don't be put off. As a lone parent you will be eligible for tax credits (child and working) which can help.
I'd have a think (and perhaps do some reading) about the age range of child you would like to be matched with. Like lots of first time adopters I thought I wanted as young as possible (ie a baby). After much discussion a slightly older age range was suggested (18 months to 5). There are financial 'benefits' - that's not the right phrase but I can't think of another way to put it - to adopting a toddler / pre schooler rather than a baby, for example the 15 hours free nursery and then the fact they will go to school means childcare costs are not quite so astronomical. Plus you can know a bit more about the child and their personalities / development if they are that little bit older.
DD was coming up for 3 when she was placed. She was beginning to become her own person but still young enough to enjoy the babying (though to be honest she still enjoys being babied now!).
It is hard doing it all by yourself, if you can start thinking about one or two very close trusted people who could babysit for you this will be helpful. You need to make time to look after yourself when you're the only parent and that can be really hard when you're dealing with a traumatised child.
Having said all that, it's definitely the best thing I've ever done (and most days I think DD would agree ) and I would recommend it in a heartbeat.
I sympathise - Before I applied I drove myself demented thinking about all the possible reasons they might turn me down.
As it turned out I was approved and went to matching panel before any of the couples I was on the training course with.
One thing that helped me cope with the worries of the approval process was creating little projects that I thought would help me be a better parent/ fun things I could do with a child e.g. I had swimming lessons to learn the front crawl, ice skating lessons and worked on my fitness.
I've been a Mum for two and a half years now and I feel incredibly lucky (and pretty exhausted). Good luck
I just want to start off with thank you you all for your encouraging words and your advice, finances are not an issue as I have a healthy sum of savings.
As for childminders to be honest there are only 2 people I would leave my child with ( yes already a over protective mother before even being accepted ). Sadly my mum passed away but her sister will be stepping into the nanny role, and second is my own sister.
I have many great friends and family around me, so I'm confident that I'll never be sure of support.
What scares me is the fact they may reject me due to my dads side of the family, they all all heavy drinkers - I have mininal contact with any of them for this very reason. But I'm awear sw will be looking into everyone.
I'm so scared of being rejected it makes my stomach turn, I want to point out I'm not adopting because I'm single - I left my partner because me refused to support me with adoption.
I have began a journal of this special journey I hope to pass to the child when he is she is older. I hope this will help with the ' I'm adopted' crisis.
Well done for sticking to your plans.
I would advise you start looking at the first4adoption modules, you have to register first and then you can find them, really helpful.
SW as you to write a lot about yourself, your motivations to adopt, how you will support a child with attachment, trauma and others issues and are very clear that adoption is not a secret so how you will support your child at different points of their life i.e. School, uni etc and so adoption is not a secret word or subject.
As a single adopter there's a big focus on your support network and you simply won't include that side of the family on your support system map, they will ask why but you clearly have reasons so shouldn't worry.
Wow you have no idea how much you just put my mind at rest. Iv already been doing s ton of research and began writing up stuff about my life, why I want to adopt and what I have to offer. I'm only a enquiry stage but I want to make sure I'm always a step ahead and prepared. Plus I simply couldnt wait any longer to get started on it all.
what do you mean by the 'Im adopted ' crisis?
The possibility that when older the child could be upset about being adopted.
Hi @daintydee1002 how have you been getting on with your process?
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