Adopting Step Children.

[SimplyPut]

I had two DC's before I met now DH. We have been together/married for over a decade and in that time we would have loved DH to adopt them but we avoided looking into it for fear of their absent father re-appearing when we asked.

Their bio-father (because that is really all he was, left after terrible relationship and never paid maintenance, sent cards etc) has now died.

Both DC's are keen for DH to adopt them, that have called him dad since they were preschoolers. Does anyone know what would be involved in doing so?

[crispandcheesesandwichplease]

You need to inform the local authority (social services) where you live of your intention to apply for an Adoption Order. Then you need to fill in a Court application form for the Adoption Order (you can download the form from gov.uk website). 3 months after you have informed the local authority of your wish to adopt you can submit your application to the Court.

The local authority will allocate you a social worker who will do a written assessment of you, your partner and the children. This will largely take the form of interviews/home visits. You will all need to have medicals. You and partner will have to provide referees to write you references.

Once you submit your application to the Court you will be given a date to attend (not the children). The social worker will also need to attend.
The Court should set a timetable for when the social worker's report (containing their assessment and recommendation) needs to be sent to Court and you should also be appointed a CAFCASS officer who will also do a report with a recommendation.

I'm saying all this assuming you are in England!

[FlouncingInAWinterWonderland]

Alternatively what about getting parental rights for your DH

www.gov.uk/parental-rights-responsibilities/apply-for-parental-responsibility

Cheaper and faster, don't know how you'd feel about it emotionally though.

I've been with my DH for 8 years with two DC from my first marriage and also have a DD together. I've been looking into this incase anything ever happened to me. It would put him on a better footing for continuing to be the resident parent.

[SimplyPut]

Thank you. We are in Scotland, not entirely sure there will be much difference.

I think adoption would be the preference, I am just scared of the emotional implications for the children around exam times etc.

[crispandcheesesandwichplease]

Mmmm, don't know how different the law is in Scotland.

In terms of your partner acquiring PR versus adoption - PR is a practical and legal solution. You can both make decisions for your children with PR and, should anything happen to you, then your partner will be the sole holder of PR.

With adoption it's also an identity issue for kids, about who they 'belong' with and who a 'family' is so it's emotional as well as legal. My experience is that the identity issues far outweigh the legal status. But that's a personal view

As you are in Scotland I can't really comment further legally but with regard to the identity and belonging stuff I'm happy to talk further if you wish. I've had experience of it personally and professionally so PM me if you think I can help.

[crispandcheesesandwichplease]

Sorry I didn't address the emotional implications for your children that you referred to, it's late and I'm tired! You can manage the timing of the legal process, to some extent, by deciding when to make an application to the Court.

[Kr1stina]

One thing to consider on timing is how the children were affected by the death of their biological father.

Also I see your mention exams so I guess your children are 4th or older. I'm that case adoption may not be possible as they have to be under 16.