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Linking and matching

(11 Posts)
Jellycatspyjamas Sat 25-Mar-17 19:45:20

So, we've been a long time in the adoption process, lots of delays due to illness and bereavement. We were appropriate bed for 2 siblings aged between 3-7 and have expressed interest in a sibling pair aged 4 and 5.

We've got a joint meeting with our SW and the children's SW in a couple of weeks and then hopefully moving towards linking. I know things may not work out still but everything so far is looking good. We've started talking to our families about the possibility of these little ones joining us and I'm fighting the temptation to start planning and thinking that they're ours.

How did you manage to keep a level head while also planning to become parents.

Jellycatspyjamas Sat 25-Mar-17 19:46:18

Sorry, approved for 2 siblings...

luckylucky24 Sun 26-Mar-17 10:33:09

We didn't!
We were lucky in that from linking to placement we only had to wait about 8-10 weeks but we actually booked a holiday the week before matching for this month.

Sorry that's not more helpful!

CrazyCatLaydee123 Sun 26-Mar-17 19:46:53

It is hard, because the SWs are looking for you to be a good match for these children and tasking about how your life will be with them, and at the same time you have to keep your feet on the ground in case it doesn't happen.

We fell in way too deep withe our two, it was just love at first sight and we got carried away. And this was over several months of SWs getting their act in gear. Thankfully, they are asleep upstairs. If the match hadn't gone ahead, we would have had to actually grieve the fact that they weren't in our lives.

CrazyCatLaydee123 Sun 26-Mar-17 19:47:08

*talking

Jellycatspyjamas Sun 26-Mar-17 20:38:02

That's what I'm worried about - that we start getting used to the idea only for it all to fall apart. Our SW has told us to start decluttering and making space etc and we've told close family that we're in the early stages of linking - if it does work out it's likely that things will move quite quickly after formal linking so I don't want to suddenly spring it on folk but also don't want to raise anyone's hopes too soon.

This is by far the hardest part of the process.

Puffedsleevedress Mon 27-Mar-17 07:30:33

I don't want to rain on your parade, but I should sound a note of caution. We were in a similar situation to you and we're told that SWs had the perfect match. The were absolutely certain (their words) that the LO would be with us by Easter.....and it's just fallen through. Luckily for us, we'd been a little skeptical about their promises so we hadn't let our guards down completely but it was still a huge blow. I think it is important to maintain a level head, but it's really hard to do in practice!
I'll keep all my fingers and toes crossed that your match does work out.

Jo71 Mon 27-Mar-17 12:25:18

We were linked matched, approved at matching panel and started introductions within the space of 3 weeks. He moved in 5 days later. It was not our first match. However, it was the right one. As yet we have not had to buy very much as he came with a huge amount of stuff from his Foster carers. Good luck

tldr Mon 27-Mar-17 18:28:01

You can get the house ready for two generic children without getting it ready for these two specific children.

We didn't refer to the bedrooms using their names til after matching, but we managed to furnish them. Didn't buy most furniture until we got to the point of making the intro books. (You can get everything with next day delivery if you're prepared to lower your interior design standards wink.)

And you should declutter just because everyone else is. grin

Jellycatspyjamas Mon 27-Mar-17 19:08:23

Yes, we'd need to start clearing out regardless of children tbh, we've managed to overfill a family sized home with just 2 people's stuff and there's literally no need for it. I think sorting out and making generic space available will help feel like I'm doing something while trying not to get drawn into SWs working out how "these" children might fit in our home.

And my interior design standards can be pretty low when the need for speed sets in smile

OlennasWimple Mon 27-Mar-17 20:43:39

Fingers crossed that it goes ahead...

Maybe start scoping out where you might buy certain things (and where your nearest Ikea is - you have to get the Ikea step for the bathroom, it's practically the law)

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