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Turned down at enquiry stage - SEN child

(9 Posts)
FutureMum Fri 10-Mar-17 12:53:08

As it says, been turned down at enquiry stage. We have a biological child with SEND whose needs are being well managed (making progress, etc.), attending a specialist school. Within an hour of meeting us, SW decided that our child's condition, together with lack of support nearby (due to geographical moves etc) means they won't be continuing our application. It's very hard... We've been thinking about adoption for years as our family feels incomplete. I just wanted to hear if other families like others have adopted and if so, how did they manage to get the message across? Yes, our family is different, yes, it has its challenges, but there's a lot of love and laughter and we have much resilience and experience. (I have verbally said this but it didn't matter at all.)

exercisejunkie Fri 10-Mar-17 13:11:43

Sorry to hear this, unfortunately the needs of children who are being placed for adoption have increased significantly in recent years so they are likely being cautious for your sake and that of your biological child.
I'm currently at the end of stage 1 and it's been made absolutely clear to us that almost all children will have delays of some sort due to neglect etc and all will have disordered attachment from either poor parenting or being moved around from FC to FC. I think they should have at the least let you attend a foundation day to hear the above for yourselves. Don'5 give up, do some reading and maybe try another authority. Wishing you all the best.

fasparent Fri 10-Mar-17 15:50:19

Nothing what so ever to do with social services. Suggest you speak
too your Local LA Statutory schools disability team for advice.
Also register with community paediatrician.
As you are already on a SEND plan, sure they must know you have knowledge and experience, of what is required, we are in a similar position but all is going well , child has been linked and SEND process is well advanced.
Would ask for a review or advice from other agency or LA.

flapjackfairy Fri 10-Mar-17 19:03:37

I am a fc and adoptor with 3 grown up children . The oldest has aspergers.
I also foster a child with v complex needs who has been with us for nearly 10 yrs.
I was always desperate to adopt but our fc wasnt freed for adoption (long story).
We took a second placement of a baby also with v complex needs . We knew they were hoping he would be freed for adoption and that we wanted to adopt him if possible. Our adoption order went through last nov i am delighted to say so dont give up it is certainly possible to adopt when you already have special needs children .
I would do as much research as you can and look at building a bigger support network and then look at applying again.
You could try a different agency or la as they vary in their approach but as there are lots of approved adoptors waiting for children it may need a bit of persistence.
Good luck x

donquixotedelamancha Fri 10-Mar-17 20:22:39

I would agree with flapjack and exercise- try another agency.

Look for a VA, not an LA (they can search nationally). Find somewhere with a good or outstanding from ofsted that specialises in harder to match adoptees (they are out there).

Ask for a really honest opinion from them- it might be different; if they say the same, at least you know. Ultimately the children must come first and it is not worth putting yourself through all the adoption hoops if it won't be successful.

2old2beamum Fri 10-Mar-17 22:31:36

I am staggered at the shortsighted attitude of the SW. Already having a child with SN I would have thought you were ripe for the picking! We have 3 homegrown DCs and have adopted 8, all with SN (4 with complex needs) On 6 occaisions we had been linked with a child prior to panel.
Please as previous posters have said go to a different agency, we found VAs delighted to take us on, mad foolsgrin
Take care and good luck x

Italiangreyhound Sun 12-Mar-17 12:15:58

FutureMum I can't imagine your child with special needs is the main reason, as many families have children with multiple needs.

However geographical moves and lack of local support might be more the reason and it is the thing you can change.

I would echo others 're trying different agencies. No experience of VAs, my understanding is you can look elsewhere even if you go with a local authority or county council. You just need to wait at least three months. Can you check this? We adopted almost three years ago so may be out of date!

Before looking at other agencies I'd take stock.

Are you done moving. Putting down roots? Making connections? Building your support network locally, be confident in who could help if you need it:

Support for you/friendship/listening ear. Your husband/partner/wife, support for them?
For your child as well as new child.
People who could go shopping for you, help with a sick child etc.

Good luck.

Do not be put off but do take stock and look will as far as I know need to be honest about the fact one agency turned you down and why; so you need to show how you have addressed this/ are addressing it.

FutureMum Thu 23-Mar-17 09:06:06

All great advice... we are probably leaving it for a few months but in the meantime I am trying to make friends, etc. We own a property now, so not planning to move for at least five years. But making friends is not easy, the friends with children with SEN are geographically dispersed (our child doesn't go to the local school) and the others want to keep the distance.

Allington Thu 23-Mar-17 12:03:09

Depending on the specific needs of your child, it might be worth seeing if there's a brownie/cub/guide/scouts pack near that would offer a supportive environment to make local friends.

My daughter's Brownie pack has included children with a range of special needs, emotional/behavioural, significant physical disabilities etc.

It does depend a lot on the leaders (ours has a paediatric physio as Brown Owl, which helps!), but the movements on a national level want to promote inclusion.

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