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Recently met birth mother and struggling

(7 Posts)
Bowannabow Thu 02-Feb-17 13:36:24

Hi, I wonder I anyone can help.

I met my birth my mother for the first time about 10 days ago, I'm 44 she is 69. We met abroad, 1000's of miles away from the U.K where I was on holiday and she flew a few hundred miles to see me. It was an entirely positive experience, and mostly satisfactory and I came home feeling emotional but OK. I was looking forward to a future relationship, via email, possibly FaceTime etc and a later meet up (I hope). However, the past few days I've felt incredibly lost, low and unable to face the world. Everything is coming out emotionally and I just want to feel normal again. We've been in touch, briefly but now I'm waiting (and waiting) for an email from her. My worst fear is that she will decide to back off. It's so hard, I just want my mum and don't know when I'll see her again.

UnderTheNameOfSanders Thu 02-Feb-17 13:48:37


Have you had any counselling support in all this? If not, maybe you should see if you can find some?

Bowannabow Thu 02-Feb-17 14:25:42

Hi, thanks for your reply. Not as yet, I've got an appoint booked for a couple of weeks time so am hoping that will help flush out some of the issues....:-)

Kr1stina Thu 02-Feb-17 18:42:02

I agree, you really need to speak to someone to help you work all this through. Though just to reassure you, how you are feeling is completely normal.

Claramarion Sun 16-Apr-17 15:08:08

Probably built this up in
Your head and are
Coming down from it.
I met my birth father at 31 years
And it wasn't all that I expected do you feel any different now 😨

ImNotReallyReal Mon 17-Apr-17 21:15:31

Been there and done it with BF. BM was dead before I looked her up. She wrote no contact in my adoption file anyway, and denied my existence when asked years later by family.

For me it was just amazing to see that genetic link. I was 27 and it was before I had children of my own.

I'm not sure what my expectations were (who does?). But I had a mixture of woah they look like me, but woah they are not like me.

I closed the whole thing down quietly within a year and I'm happy I did. My adoptive family are not perfect, but they are my family. It took a good bit of counselling and a lot of soul searching but I've accepted my lot.

I'm happy with where I am, but tbh meeting my BF wasn't the homecoming I expected. I'm glad I did it, but it was an emotional rollercoaster.

Take care of yourself and remember you are a whole person now, not just the sum of many parts of your past flowers

That probably sounds clunky, but it's how it worked out for me.

TheEmojiFormerlyKnownAsPrince Mon 17-Apr-17 21:24:39

I met my birth mother years ago. It was a huge non event. I didn't stay in touch apart from FB.

And now l hide her posts because she thinks Trump is fantastic😵, and therefore has nothing in common with me apart from blood.

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