Watching Eastenders and a character is back to work just weeks later. It made me realise that we often talk about the adoptive parents, but I didn't know about the birth mother. Google wasn't bringing up much.
They would have to take two weeks. I can't see why they couldn't take more if they wished, but only two weeks of it is legally compulsory. So, any mother, or adoptive primary carer, has to take two weeks. If they choose, they then have the right to take leave after that. They may be entitled to SMP or MA.
I guessed that there was a compulsory period. Even if you're not keeping a baby, you've gone through a big physical and mental experience. Can't imagine that many people would be able to immediately bounce back
Most BM whose babies are removed from them are not in work. Because If they have the resources to hold down a job, they probably are able to care for their baby. And they are more likely to have family support and accept other help.
Very few babies are relinquished these days. Most are removed because of neglect and abuse.
Their birth parents often have very chaotic lives , women often have a violent partner, mental health problems and addictions. Even if they have a good family, they are often burnt out by years and years of trying to help their relative.
They are often unable or unwilling to engaged with health care and social services. Because if they were, they would have got their act together before this terrible tragedy of losing their baby.
And once they have lost their child, they have even less motivation to get clean /sober . And why would they leave violent partner when he's all they have to comfort them in their loss? And any mental illness won't just get better after a bereavement.
So people have complex and difficult lives. You can see why many go on to have more babies which they lose. It takes great deal of strength and determination to get out of that bad place and I have great admiration for the BM who are able to do so.
That doesn't match the rights of a birth mother, though. If a biological baby died, you'd be able to take all your mat leave and pay, as long as after 24 weeks of pregnancy. If an adopter's child dies when they are on leave, it's back to work after eight weeks!
Well if your biological child or step child or adopted child dies, you don't get 8 weeks paid leave. in my last job, you only got three days. Five days if you could prove that you had responsibility for organising the funeral .
When my step child was terminally ill in hospital, I applied for Parental / carers leave and was told I wasnt eligible because I wasn't named on his birth certificate or had an adoption order ( yes because most step parents are on the bc ) .
I asked for unpaid compassionate leave and was told their was a backlog of applications and the committee that met monthly would consider my request in due course, when they next had space on the agenda < helpful >
So I think there's lots of unfairness in how these policies are implemented.
Thank you, it was more than 10 years ago now so not so raw. I went off anyway, my GP signed me off with stress.
Then they phoned me at home to say that I needed to come for an occupational health assessment. I told them that DS was dying and probably wouldn't make it through the weekend so I couldn't come that week. They phone me back the next week to see if he had died yet and were most annoyed when he hadn't.
He did in fact pass away the next weekend and I notified them that I could come for the medical after the funeral. They got annoyed saying there was no reason why I couldn't come in the week between the death and the funeral. My GP was so angry, she threatened to send them a " soul and conscience letter " , which apparently means she thought I was unfit to attend.
When I went the medical , the week after the funeral , the lovely doctor was absolutely appalled at my story and told me to stay off for the rest of my pregnancy ( I was about 24 weeks pg by then and I'd asked to take my maternity leave at 29 weeks ) .
You'll be suprised to know that I used my accrued annual leave to notionally " return to work " for 3 months after my mat leave and then I resigned.
In fairness I should say that the manager concerned was not a HCP and both doctors involved - my GP and the occupational health doctor - were appalled at her behaviour. She was just one total bitch - your get them in every job.
sorry I seem to have derailed the thread talking about me