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Third time adopters - sibling- challenges!

(6 Posts)
Noseyposey1 Mon 30-Jan-17 17:59:07

Hi everyone

Feeling deflated after a meeting with sw today. We have been through adoption process twice and currently being assessed for a third, our youngests sibling. My husband and I hadn't anticipated how challenging it was going to be and that we may not even get chosen for sibling. There was talk of high risk of disruption and that the LA has a list of prospective adopters waiting who would love a baby. We know they are just doing there job and want to ensure we have thought everything through but don't like the way we get treated. We don't think we are unrealistic, we know challenges lie ahead as well as already overcoming several with our 2 who are really doing well. Ihave read a lot of books, been on therapeutic parenting courses and research online. I thought our experience would be a big positive. Sorry just need a grumble, will be back on top tomorrow with even more determination to show them we can do this 😁

Kr1stina Mon 30-Jan-17 18:12:23

It sounds a very complicated situation .

Can I ask why they think there's a high chance of disruption, if child is still a baby ?

Noseyposey1 Mon 30-Jan-17 18:36:41

Kr1stina thanks for reply, disruption wasn't mentioned because of any problems we have but because apparently they have had several disruptions in LA with sibling groups. She wasn't specific though and there could be so many reasons why. Our youngest has never lived with sibling as been home with us 2 yrs and lo just a young baby.

donquixotedelamancha Mon 30-Jan-17 19:22:32

God, you are brave- well done. We couldn't take on a third, two run us ragged (well maybe one day). Difficult to comment without specifics, but some thoughts:

1. Your experience will be a positive. There will also be lots of value attached to the child going to live with a sibling.

2. They need to demonstrate all the usual stuff. So you need to make sure that you've thought through: finances, child care, what if problems down the line, etc. (I know, you know all this).

3. What are your current two's needs like? What sort of issues do you think might be realistic for the future? Just make sure you put your current family first, and don't get carried away (again, I'm sure you have thought of all this).

All that said, I suspect you just got an arsey SW. If you are able to handle a third, then I think it's very likely they'd come to you. Grumble away :-)

londonisburning Mon 30-Jan-17 19:49:09

Cynical me here:

I think that just sometimes, social workers, like anyone, can struggle with how little power they actually wield. And the only people that allow SWs a little power are adopters. And sometimes, when insecure, that leads to a little willy-waving, sorry, I can't think of a sex-neutral term. The kids don't like them, the birth parents don't like them, the only people trying to please them are the adopters. And when you're under pressure, some people slip into bad habits, and want to feel powerful.

So they like to remind you that they have the power.

We have met many great SWs. And one, who I think was under a lot of pressure, who let me know that she has the power.

It leaves a very nasty taste, doesn't it?

But they have to have good reasons to not place the sibling with you. They will have to document why this baby was not placed with its sibling. And 'we have families that want babies' is not a reason.

Good luck, you gluttons for punishment!

Noseyposey1 Mon 30-Jan-17 22:28:28

Thanks donquix :0)
Londonisburing thank you for making me laugh, I think you have hit the nail on the head there!

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