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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Father of birth child

(3 Posts)
newkettle Tue 24-Jan-17 23:00:20

I wondered if anyone could tell me if it would hinder chances of adopting if you already had a birth child with an abusive ex?
I'm in a much better place now, strong boundaries, received counselling and attended courses to learn about domestic abuse and it's effects. Peeled back a lot of wallpaper relating to childhood stuff too, last few years have been a bit of a journey. I do not live near my ex now and he sees our child once a week. Things are stable.
I do worry though that this permanent link with my ex will mean that I will be turned down at the first hurdle ( and can understand if it would). Would it even be worth me trying? I'm guessing my ex would need to be spoken too and be part of the process?
Any advice would be much appreciated thank you.

flapjackfairy Wed 25-Jan-17 09:00:01

Your ex will be spoken to and your past relationship explored but the sw will be looking for you to have processed your experiences and learnt from them so this relationship will not automatically rule you out . They will probably want to look quite closely at it i would imagine but we all have a past and sw are savvy at seeing through vindictive exes trying to scupper potential adoptors. It is good that you have had counselling and training etc they will like that and see it as pro active.
Really the best thing to do is to call some agencies and local la to sound them out. One note of caution though is you should seriously consider the potential impact on your bc who has already seen some abuse etc. Adopted children are likely to have all sorts of issues and they may end up triggering further upset and trauma for your existing child so i would be concerned on that front if i was you .

newkettle Wed 25-Jan-17 10:21:44

Thank you flapjack for your reply that's encouraging to know and I hear what you are saying about the effect it may have on my bc. It is also a concern for me.
I left my ex when ds was very young (under 1) so I really hope that he hasn't been too affected. My ex was/is emotionally abusive, water torturer style. Ds is a happy confident child, sociable etc, and if I thought this would affect him negatively then I wouldn't consider it.
But then if I thought that ultimately this could have a positive outcome for us all then I would do everything to make it work.

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