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Arrangements after adoption leave.

(16 Posts)
exercisejunkie Tue 24-Jan-17 13:06:38

Hi,

I started stage 1 two weeks ago and would like some advise on something.

My cohort of potential adopters are 6 couples and two single adopter of which I am one of.
The other single adopter raised the question of childcare after adoption leave and was told "our children do not go to day nurseries) this lady commutes into a large city and had planned to possibly use a day nursery near the station and work 4 days.

Now this raises the issue that if an adopted child can only go to grandparents for care it limits the age of child a single adopter can have, i.e. Taking a child who is raising 4 -and going back to work when the child starts school.

Does anyone have experience of this ruling or of it not being the case? Thanks

sweetchilli77 Tue 24-Jan-17 15:13:09

Was there confusion about children in nursery during the settling in period and your adoption leave? Surely they cant expect you to give up work, plus how does the child engage with other children?

I think they probably mean whilst your on leave tbh, our authority preferred us to have good amounts of leave to ensure a child settles

londonisburning Tue 24-Jan-17 17:03:26

I have never heard of a blanket ban on childcare, that's crazy.

My DD was very ready to start nursery, and former LAC kids get free hours from 2 years for a reason. If they weren't supposed to be in nursery, why would they get free hours?!!

I would clarify exactly what they mean. Get it in writing if it's a policy your LA have, and double check. I wonder if it's one SW with a particular quirky opinion?

tldr Tue 24-Jan-17 17:10:04

'After adoption leave' would also suggest after adoption order and therefore nothing to do with SS.

I wonder if they meant 'it is often very difficult for adopted children to go into day nurseries'. Which is true, but not universally true.

exercisejunkie Tue 24-Jan-17 18:41:44

Hi, thanks all for the prompt replies!
They were very insistent that after adoption leave day nurseries are a no no, and grandparents are better. This is for under 2s so the two year funding for pre school is considered ok as it education not care.

londonisburning Tue 24-Jan-17 18:57:08

Hmm. I actually think grandparents could potentially be more of a problem for attachment in some cases than nursery!

A blanket ban is madness, as every child is different.

However, even if adopting under 2, the child is likely to be 2, or very nearly 2, after adoption leave. It's rare for a child to be adopted under one. Not unheard of, but I'm surprised if there is a whole cohort of adopters being taken on expecting a child under one?

Kr1stina Tue 24-Jan-17 18:58:24

Many adopted children do not cope well with childcare. But then, others can't cope with grandparents either.

And yes, it's a factor for single adopter or couples who need two wages.

Some single adopters change careers to something more flexible, some move house to a cheaper area . Other adopt a child with SN where there is an adoption allowance . Most save very hard for years to afford adoption leave .

THH I think you will find that the laws of supply and demand limit the age of child than a single adopter can take anyway. Very few SW will chose to place a NT baby with a single adopter, unless there are other factors e.g. Family placement, unusual ethnicity, adopter is a social worker

tldr Tue 24-Jan-17 19:03:48

After the adoption order is granted they have no say whatsoever.

Though as I said earlier lots of our kids can't cope with nursery. If I was a single adopter that would give me pause, far more than a SS unenforceable rule would. I'm not sure you can tell in advance what kind of child you're going to get.

And tbh, it still sounds like an inexperienced SW totally over reaching. You can't make blanket statements about the suitability of grandparents as alternative childcare. Mine at knocking on their 80s door!

tldr Tue 24-Jan-17 19:11:50

Also obviously the usual advice applies; smile and nod.

donquixotedelamancha Tue 24-Jan-17 19:28:17

"our children do not go to day nurseries" Mine do. Most of the adopters I know do. A few struggled and have ended up with childminders. Its definitely not a ruling, its a random opinion.

"After the adoption order is granted they have no say whatsoever." Yep, exactly that.

"Also obviously the usual advice applies; smile and nod." TLDR for the win. I'd be a bit concerned that someone is handing out such idiot advice at (what I assume was) your training course, though its far from the stupidest thing I've heard an SW say.

Cheatedtheday Tue 24-Jan-17 19:31:30

Never heard this. Dont forget, as well, that you may not adopt in-house anyway.

PoppyStellar Tue 24-Jan-17 19:49:51

Lots of good advice so far and I agree that a blanket ban on nurseries seems crazy. As everyone else has said your child may not be able to cope with a traditional nursery setting and I think as a single adopter you need to have thought about how you'll manage this - change of career, work from home, savings etc. I'm a single adopter and when I was going through the process my finances were scrutinised to the nth degree and whilst this was massively frustrating I do totally understand where they were coming from. On the other hand your child may be able to cope with a part time nursery (such as the state funded 15 hours for 3 yr olds).

I had a year's adoption leave, then took redundancy which gave me another 12 months (stony broke but at home) with LO and during this period she went to school nursery part time. She needed the input and experience of mixing with peers, and to be quite brutally honest I needed the respite. It was hard but I think ultimately the right thing for her. She definitely needed me around when she wasn't at nursery to cement our relationship though. She's been at school a few years now and enjoys talking about nursery along with her friends, to some extent I think going to nursery helped to 'normalise' her early childhood in her mind at least. Not sure I'm explaining what I mean very clearly. Basically she is glad to have the same memories of nursery as her peers.

But, and it's a big but, there is no way she could have coped with more than 15 hours. I think as a single adopter you probably need to consider that full time or nearly full time nursery is not an option.

The SWs may be keen to approve you for a slightly older child. They certainly were with me. This initially worried me but with hindsight was the best decision. DD was about 2 1/2 when she arrived which isn't that old. I agree with others that as a single adopter you're not necessarily first choice, but fwiw I am very glad (understatement of the year!) that I was matched with my DD and that she was not a baby. She was already becoming her own little person and it's been a joy to watch her develop.

PoppyStellar Tue 24-Jan-17 19:52:50

X posted as always cos I take an age to type but yes, ultimately smile and nod and use your common sense. Some SWs are ace and some come out with complete rubbish

exercisejunkie Tue 24-Jan-17 20:45:46

Thanks all,

Poppy. I personally don'5 intend to to use a day nursery, I'm a nanny so hope to reduce my hours and take little one with me for the hours I do work.
The scrutiny of finances scares me, I have savings and I'm working very very hard to build them up at present. I just worry that they'll pick my bank statements apart!!

PoppyStellar Tue 24-Jan-17 22:22:19

I'll be honest (and I'm really not trying to put you off honest!) the financial scrutiny reduced me to tears at one point but it was helpful to plan everything out. I didn't have many savings (think hundreds not thousands) and did need to borrow some money from my very lovely family who described the loan to me as 'an investment in their grandchild'. Do also factor in tax credits which you'll be eligible for as a single parent.

If you can bear to make a simple spreadsheet showing how you'll manage financially month by month whilst on adoption leave this seemed to go down well with my SW.

I think your job may go in your favour as well. It's the type of job that has flexibility and is the type of job where there will pretty much always be a need for it.

Best of luck with it all.

exercisejunkie Wed 25-Jan-17 01:00:19

Thanks poppy.

I've already done a spreadsheet....several actually, including TC and WTC and options of different hours working and all my outgoings etc! Savings are also being boosted by grandparents pre financial checks so will look better!

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