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I miss Lilka's New Year ROundup so I'm taking the baton from her...

(36 Posts)
Kewcumber Tue 17-Jan-17 14:15:30

So how was 2016 for you and what do you hope for 2017?

Kewcumber Tue 17-Jan-17 14:23:18

For us 2016 has been a year of highs and horrible lows:

DS had significant problems in school (taught segregated in a classroom with a TA. Referral to CAMHS. With hard work things improved and DS is in classroom fulltime with TA support. School is currently applying for ECHP to try and get him funding before he goes to secondary next year (gulp). He deals badly with changes to teachers so I'm not looking forward to it. CAMHS were so bad it was funny.

On the upside, he has been able to be so much more reflective of his issues and is engaging in some self help CBT with me at the moment which is helping. He continues to be the charming boy he always has been and school has woken up to his underperformance academically when the EP assessed his overall cognitive ability at 88percentile whereas he's currently performing at an average yr 5 level (so nearly a year behind).

So although secondary is a significant concern, we are overall in a better place than we were this time last year.

And of course we went back to Kazakhstan which was amazing and the dreadful CAMHS appointment did at least get us a referral to the adoption support fund.

Happy New Year!

Italiangreyhound Tue 17-Jan-17 14:38:14

Happy New Year.

2016 was good.

Ds got theraplay.

Dd went to secondary and is coping well.

I miss Lilka too. If you are in touch, give her my best.

luckylucky24 Tue 17-Jan-17 15:44:50

2016 DD joined our family. Yesterday we filed to make it legal and cannot wait to get move forward in life away from the scenarios where we have to point out that she is adopted all the time. I just want us to feel like a proper family!

UnderTheNameofSanders Tue 17-Jan-17 15:47:19

2016 was our worst year since adopting. sad. All was good until she started college Sept 2015 and it has been a roller coaster ever since.

DD1's only focus is her boyfriend, anything else comes a very poor second. They are 'engaged' - this happened when they had been going out for less than a year and she had only just turned 17. We spent the entire year worried sick she was going to get 'accidentally' (intentionally) pregnant. I find it difficult to have a conversation with her as I never know if she is telling me the truth any more. She manipulates her boyfriend, inventing arguments with him so he has to say sorry and tell her how much he loves her and make even more show of this. I realise a lot of this is actually tied into her past but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with. She is having (private) counselling, but counsellor has said this should stop soon. We are getting support too.

On the other hand DD2 survived y6 SATs and transition to secondary school, managing a lot better than we thought she would. smile

And I had some health issues from the summer which though now improved haven't stopped. This is making me extra tired and less tolerant.

So for 2017 I want DD1 to not get pregnant, finish college, move on to a job / apprenticeship, get a life outside her BF. She used to want to achieve stuff. She used to take advantage of opportunities. If she doesn't watch out she'll put herself in a very similar position her BM was in at the same age and the cycle will repeat. sadsad

sunsetbeach123 Tue 17-Jan-17 16:11:13

2016 was another year of waiting having been approved in 2015. Many links and a few CPRs read and the start of 2017 sees us having a child's social worker visit this week. Here's hoping 2017 is a good year.

MintyLizzy9 Tue 17-Jan-17 16:18:49

2016 was our first full year as a family, we've (mainly) had a ball and I'm dreading returning to work next week as my adoption leave is now over. We became all offical like in the summer 😀

DS has turned 3 and has grown so much over the year, he's finally almost potty trained horrah! Today is his first day at pre school in the same nursery he's been attending for a while just a different room, when I called them mid morning to see how he was doing they told me he put his coat on after I left and refused to take it off so he's feeling a little anxious 😢

I'm still fighting for theraplay but no funding until next April - maybe, if adoption fund continues. DS although a happy little dude on the outside is hyper vigilant and nervous a lot of the time and the more I get to know him the more I can see it. Our bond is growing each day and it was nice to hear following a session from a family therapist that he is clearly attached to me.

Very early days for us, lots of tears, some happy, some sad, some desperate but the happy ones make the rest worth it.

Excited to see what 2017 will bring and at the same time wanting to stop the clock, my little chubby chops toddler is transforming into a lean little boy who has starting using words mainly no mummy or sweets pleeeeease and is becoming so confident and settled.

arielmanto Tue 17-Jan-17 17:09:41

2016 was a rollercoaster which ended on a massive high - found DD in July, she moved in via FTA, and in Dec filed for adoption order. It's been wonderful - and like Minty I want to stop the clock on my chubby baby getting any bigger!
2017 hosts lots of changes already as my adoption leave is up in March and I will be returning to work as the main earner whilst DP becomes the stay at home mum indefinitely. I can't wait to go back to work and forge ahead in what looks like a really good year for the company - but I'm so jealous DP is going to get all the cuddles and coffee shop trips. I'm gonna miss DD like mad!! sad we are also moving house - as where we live is tied to DP's current work. We will finally have our own garden and be near a stream and a park - can't wait. DD is going to love growing up there, I hope.
Love hearing where everyone else is at, more updates please!

dimples76 Tue 17-Jan-17 19:14:55

2016 started really well as after ten hearings and almost a year after the application was first made the adoption order was granted. We really enjoyed celebrating that.

My boy has global developmental delay but he has made great progress of late. He still needs a lot of extra support but the Council refused to assess him for an ECHP in the Summer. Ordinarily he should be starting school in September 2017 but I have just applied to delay him until 2018 (he has a summer birthday). Other than that I'm hoping that 2017 sees my boy jump (literally - he has been trying for such a long). Depending on how the year goes I may apply to adopt again at the end of the year ...

PoppyStellar Tue 17-Jan-17 20:03:25

2016 has had some highs and lows but overall has been a pretty good year with much to be thankful for.

Despite this government's ridiculously pressured new national curriculum DD is coping admirably at school. She even aced the phonics check in the Summer which I was ridiculously proud of her for doing (even though I know it's a load of old tosh).

I have had ample opportunities to hone my 'kick ass politely but firmly, and then kick it again when you haven't done what you said you were going to do' skills at school, and it appears to be having some impact which is always good.

I've acquired a fab post adoption support social worker who is applying for funding for theraplay for DD, and who appears to be the kind of SW who gives SWs a good name.

And DD continues to delight and amaze in equal measure. She's definitely the best thing to ever happen to me, and her words tonight as I tucked her in were 'you're the best Mummy ever'. (I'm going to treasure those words and remember them when she's a teenage nightmare!)

Mama1980 Tue 17-Jan-17 21:40:40

Lovely smile
For us 2016 was a bit of a nightmare, we had several bereavements and dd2 has continued to suffer seizures. But she is the happiest girl in the world and developmentally isn't far behind her brother except with her speech. She loves Thomas the tank engine and can usually be found trailing one of her brothers through the garden.
DD1 left for university in September and though she has had some pretty serious wobbles since, she has engaged with the pastoral team at York though and is sticking it out. She calls me and comes home far more than I did at her age but seems happy and I'm very very proud of her. Whether she'll stay I don't know, she has the option of transferring nearer home if she wants but I think she's settling now. She changed to a private room with a separate door and locks which has helped her massively.
Ds1 and 2 (my birth children) are happy and well, ds1 continues to be scarily smart and outthink me, ds2 is still a burning ball of furious energy smile
This year I hope for dd2 s health to stabilise, and for dd1 to continue with whatever she wants to be happy.

flapjackfairy Tue 17-Jan-17 22:17:39

2016 was the yr my adoption dreams finally came true after many setbacks and false starts!
I have 3 grown up bc the oldest of which has aspergers. 2 still live at home with us along with our long term foster child and our newly adopted 2yr old former foster child.
Both our fc and as have v complex health needs and require round the clock care so they keep us out of mischief and on our toes!
We have had usual medical ups and downs but everybody doing well on the whole.
I have loved finding this forum and it is nice to learn a bit about people through these updates so more please.
A belated happy new yr to all . Hope it is a good yr x

AngelsWithSilverWings Tue 17-Jan-17 22:48:34

DS11 made me proud in 2016 when he passed his 11plus. Two years ago he was in therapy for binge eating and emotional outbursts. I'm so proud of how he kept his cool under pressure. He also got a gold medal in the county swimming gala and led his school team to win the regional heat of the national schools general knowledge quiz. I feel like he is really growing up. Just hoping he can cope with the transition to grammar school in September.

DD8 who was always such a shy little girl has successfully auditioned for a part in the school musical. 200 kids auditioned for 70 parts and she got in! Can't wait to see her on stage.I just need to keep fighting for the extra academic support she needs. The school are bing rather obstructive but I'm not giving up.

I never feel that I can talk about my DCs achievements in real life without sounding like I'm showing off but I want to shout about how much they have had overcome to enjoy these little successes.

DorcasthePuffin Tue 17-Jan-17 23:05:54

2016 was mixed for us, but mostly ok. dd1 has grown in confidence and resilience. She has taken up a few extra-curricular activities which she loves, and which - importantly - none of her toxic friends do, and it seems to have really helped. She heads off to secondary school this year, and I think (hope) she'll be ok.

dd2 more mixed. She's a little less explosive, though still very controlling, oppositional, and aggressive. But her lovely qualities - her kindness, and generosity, and lovingness - are still going strong. Having made a really good start at school, she is wobbling a little at the moment. Having always been good at making friends, she is struggling with her best friend who is a very disturbed little girl. They are not good for each other.

I seem to have spent a lot of time talking with the school, trying to get post-adoption services to talk to me, trying to secure ASF funding... I'm knackered, and in pretty constant pain (another story). So, that could be better. But my kids are lovely, infuriating but great smile

dibly Wed 18-Jan-17 09:32:23

2016 was the year we finally got the adoption order after numerous court hearings, so we had a big celebration in the summer.

On the whole DD is doing well, she's happy, thriving at nursery, has just started preschool in preparation for school in summer, and has a lovely relationship with DH.

Her relationship with me remains complex. There's always been a lot of rejection, and any change triggers this (there were a lot of changes this year). I continue to struggle with this, but honestly think we might be better waiting to work with the school to get support as her placing
LA are universally known to be useless.

This has proven to be challenging for our marriage, but we're working on it, and I'm also making time for self care. I love her to bits, but it is undeniably hard, and I'm so grateful for supportive parents, forums like this where people understand (friends invariably don't) and wine :-).

Lovely to hear about everyone's updates.

Buster5187 Wed 18-Jan-17 10:04:20

Lovely reading these posts. I haven't posted a lot recently but still drop in now and then smile
2016 was a better year for us, the best so far with DS in terms of our relationship and him becoming more settled. He is slowly starting to express himself more and more and we see glimpses of 'cheeky-ness'. He is a very laid back, chilled boy who finds pleasure in the simplest of things/glides through life day to day. We do still have glimpses of his rejecting behavior towards me, but in the main that has settled down. He is better able to talk about his 'wobbles' and feelings of insecurities.

School (Y3 now) - the changes are amazing, academically he is doing so much better as well as socially, opting himself to join in various activities both sports (still has a lot of hang ups in certain team situations/confidence) and other extra curricular activities. I'm so pleased that they finally seem to be listening to us regarding his needs.

We are excepting our first BC too, which DS is completely over the moon about. He has thus far coped with it all brilliantly our plan is to take each day as it comes once baby (imminently) arrives. He is very ready for a sibling and loves the baby so much already (time will tell with that one!)

dibly Wed 18-Jan-17 11:01:38

Congratulations Buster, lovely news! And lovely to heat DS is settling, gives me hope for the years ahead :-)

Buster5187 Wed 18-Jan-17 11:13:35

Thank you smile

I have lots of hope for you! The rejection can be really draining if it's aimed at you every time. Like your DD, DSs rejection used to occur so subtly over the smallest of changes. Often completely unnoticed by everyone else. Self care is definitely one of the best things you can do at those times even though its often hard to do.

gabsdot Wed 18-Jan-17 13:49:45

DS started secondary school and turned 13. He's great. Has settled into his new school well. It's fun having a teenager. The house is always full of smelly boys eating and playing xbox.
DD is 9, her social immaturity has become more and more apparent. She comes home from school daily with stories about how people won't play with her and fights she's been in. But she's very loving and happy. She loves animals and goes horse riding and swimming. She's hanging in there in school and her reading has improved a lot.
My hopes for 2017
DS to continue being the good boy he is and to not become a stroppy teenager.
for DD to just improve in her swimming and horse riding. Going up to the next class in each will increase her confidence enormously. And for her make and keep some new friends and not to lose the ones she has.

delilabell Wed 18-Jan-17 14:39:46

I used to bw on here a lot as "inthebeginning" but althiugh ibread lots i dont comment much.
It's been a good but challenging year for us.
Ds is more confident in himself but struggles a lot with anger especially since hes beem asling more abiut bm. We are currently waiting for some support from our la.
He is such a generous amd kind boy and talks about his emotions so well. I can't believe it's been three years in June since we met him and how much he's grown and become am intrinsic part of our lives. I struggle to remember a time before him and sometimes forget he is our adopted son which is lovely.
For 2017 I hope we can channel his anger into something that's not the violence it's displayed as and that he can cope a little more with it.
Our suprise birth child finally made an appearance in May. She is am absolute joy (despite her being a nocturnal creature at the moment! ) and her love for her brother is immense. It's magical to see and after a slightly tricky start is reciprocated. I wish by for 2017 that this continues.

bostonkremekrazy Wed 18-Jan-17 20:53:26

DC1 started high school - after much heartache we went with an Indie, as DC is complex and statemented we questioned our decision hugely, but its worked out well and we are relieved...
DC2 changed to our village school and so far is going ok. However is now undergoing ASD assessment which seems to be going on forever (12 months in now) but hey ho....we persevere
our BC just plods on sure and steady....just so bloody normal!
DC 4 arrived in january and has become more complex as the year progressed - diagnosed FAS after one month at home we wish we had a crystal ball!
DC 5 arrived in december and so far eats, sleeps, poos, repeat! we await a diagnosis of FAS when we finally see the geneticist and so we see what the future holds.
having 4 siblings has been wonderful and exciting, and at times made me weep and hide. I am in awe of what my kids overcome everyday, and look forward to 2017 - but no more babies!

Kewcumber Thu 19-Jan-17 14:37:39

How good it is to check in and hear everyone's updates - the good the bad and the indifferent.

I've had much support from this board over many years (and hope have offered some back in return) and although I now have to rely more on real life agencies for support, this board keeps a place in my heart that nowhere else does.

But Boston's update does make me feel exhausted!

MintyLizzy9 Thu 19-Jan-17 15:18:14

Boston....what's your average weekly gin intake?!?

bostonkremekrazy Thu 19-Jan-17 16:26:55 sadly teatotal! But drink an inhuman amount of tea! And practically live on boston creme donuts! 😉 sugar intake is very very high!

PoppyStellar Thu 19-Jan-17 18:42:15

I hear you with the high sugar intake!

Just to echo what Kew said, this board has been really really helpful to me ever since I first discovered it. Without exception every time I have needed advice or a boost someone lovely on here has come along and offered support. Thank you to all of you for 'getting it' in a way that lots of people in real life don't!

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