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AIBU to want to adopt a Downs Syndrome Child?

(14 Posts)
CandleLover Mon 16-Jan-17 20:48:13

My husband and I would love to adopt a Downs Syndrome child. I personally have experience with adults with Downs Syndrome but not a child/children.

Is there any parents out there who have experience with this? AIBU to think I can handle it despite not having a child before. I will become a stay at home parent for this.

Any advice greatly appreciated! 

bostonkremekrazy Mon 16-Jan-17 21:36:37

I saw your post in AIBU so you already know by now thats its correct to say a child with Down syndrome rather than a downs child....its fairly offensive

you may be surprised to hear that actually there are not huge amounts of babies available for adoption
neither are there huge amounts of babies/children with downs syndrome available for adoption -
prenatal screening means that some women choose to abort if they know baby will be born with downs, and others choose to continue the pregnancy and keep the baby. it is fairly uncommon to go through with the pregnancy and then decide to give the baby up for adoption - of course it does happen yes, but not often.

there are now more adopters waiting for children than there are children waiting for adoption

so while you may think you would be snapped up the reality may be different.

if you could think about downs syndrome would you think about any other kind of special need that a child might have? The broader range of needs you would be able to care for the more likely you are to be considered by social services. They probably have lots of families already waiting who have said Yes to accepting a baby or child with downs syndrome, so in that sense they would be more wanted than you and your DH who only want a child with downs syndrome - if that makes sense.

its worth a call to your LA, lots of us here have children with special needs, but its worth remembering that there are many children out there with lots of different needs, and adoption adds a different level of need.

delilabell Mon 16-Jan-17 21:49:20

Was also going to comment on the wording you'd used (didn't realise you'd posted in Aibu too)
Agree with boston that there will not be a huge amount of children with downs syndrome up for adoption or specifically in the la you choose. It's a lot further down the line that you are expected to say what you do/don't feel you could deal with. Maybe you might want to think about adopting a child with additional needs rather than being so specific?
You would have to prove why you would be a good candidate for the child. Potentially would your house be accessible for reduced mobility?would you be able to get to hospital appt? If you adopt a child with additional needs would you be able to cope with the potential of a life limiting illness?
If look at La's and then speak to them aboit your interests specifically..

flapjackfairy Mon 16-Jan-17 21:59:00

Hi candle i also saw you got a good kicking on the other board so hopefully you will get a more balanced response.
I am an adoptor and foster carer with 3 birth children .
I have always wanted to adopt and specifically a child with additional needs. It was just where my heart lay. It was that simple for me.
However i had a birth child with asd and have fostered a child with complex needs along the way so was experienced and knew exactly what i was taking on so i would suggest that you get as much experience as you can as a first step.
And as boston has said there may not be many babies available to fit that specific criteria so why not be open minded. There are many children with extra needs out there who will find it hard to get an adoptive family so do lots of research and think it all through.
Adopting a child with special needs is not for everyone but if you think it is for you go for it . You have already shown you can accept constructive criticism and take it on board and you are bound to be a bit naive at the start of thinking about adoption and what it entails as we all were so i wish you all the best for the future

Italiangreyhound Mon 16-Jan-17 23:23:37

CandleLover I think it may be worth thinking about what it is about adopting a child with Down Syndrome that appeals.

I have not had experience of caring for a child with Down Syndrome but have been to a club for adults and children with a variety of learning difficulties and my best advice is to get as much experience of helping with and working with 'challenging' children as you can.

This will help you access whether this really is right for you, and will also be useful experience for convincing a social worked that this is right for you if you decide to do this.

It is possible to adopt children from overseas, where there may be a much higher chance of a child having Down Syndrome. However, adopting from overseas is very costly and some of things one might expect from a UK domestic adoption will not be present. I also think there is a lot of waiting and uncertainty in adopting from overseas. So it does depends how old you are. I mean that if I were looking to adopt in my twenties or early thirties I may be willing to go for it (if we could afford it). However, when we came to adopt we were both in our 40s, well into our 40s and I would have aged out before I got to the top of the China adoption programme waiting list.

Everyone has mentioned the wording but to honest i would not necessarily know what would be the best way to say it. But this website may be interesting, and there are some beautiful photos of people with Down Syndrome.

fasparent Tue 17-Jan-17 01:01:32

Sure your intentions are not intended too be offensive.
Perhaps you should consider Therapeutic Fostering in the 1st instance for children with disability's., You would have access too considerable training and after a while you may wish too be considered too Foster too Adopt.

2old2beamum Tue 17-Jan-17 14:51:32

Wrong person answering here but we have adopted 4 with Down Syndrome(sadly one died, he was on short life expectancy when placed). All ours were placed as babies and are now adults but I can honestly say it is the best thing we have ever done.
They are still living at home and have their old parents in fits of laughter every day. They have health problems but they just get on with it and are brilliant.
They are so caring and give money 2.00 a week to a charity and nag me to give money to anyone who lurks in in a doorway.
Sorry this is not meant to be a stealth boast.
Good luck and go for it if this is what you want.

Italiangreyhound Tue 17-Jan-17 20:40:34

2old2beamum it is OK to boast. They sound amazing kids. Well done to them and you, it is wonderful how a loving home can help children to thrive.

2old2beamum Tue 17-Jan-17 21:06:35

Thankyou Italian BTW I always find your posts stimulating but too busy or lazy to respond.

Italiangreyhound Tue 17-Jan-17 21:10:51

2old2beamum you are too kind. smile.

Actually, I expect you are also too busy!! With many children to think of you probably find way too many other things to do! I've only got two children and should now be doing the washing up! But I am on Mumset!

2old2beamum Tue 17-Jan-17 21:20:13

Get and do the washing up you little tinker!grin l am lounging around waiting to do midnight drugs (well 23.00 sshh)
Somewhat off topic sorry.

MargoChanning Tue 17-Jan-17 21:27:43

Have you thought about offering short breaks/respite care to disabled children to start off with? Might be good experience for you, and a lovely thing to do too. You could also learn Makaton in preperation for supporting a child with DS.

flickor Wed 27-Dec-17 21:13:24

Hello I know this is an old post but not been on number for a bit. My youngest daughter has DS. We knew prenatally. She is four and doing very well. She's bright potty trained in a mainstream nursery and talking. She has a place at her sisters school. She is my daughter. The challenges there is a delay in development. She has more hospital appointment although they are less now and you must fight the system for funding for education. I personally would change nothing. Good luck

Italiangreyhound Wed 27-Dec-17 22:10:19

@CandleLover this has popped up again as someone new has posted, and I just wondered how you got on. thanks

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