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Feeling slightly silly !

(18 Posts)
Mule22 Fri 06-Jan-17 21:00:17

Hi I posted back in June time in stage 1 we are now at the end of this first journey and our panel is the 17th Jan we have moved through quite quickly anyway
In late November the SW mentioned a potential match with 2 little girls that's all that was said
I asked about it in 23rd of December and she said they hadn't got there adoption order and there court date was in January but she had their profiles on her desk and had read through one and would read the other and speak with us later I couldn't help my self and got way ahead of my self thinking about clothes and room colours and general daydreaming about 2 little girls I don't even know will be ours my husband is amazing and has pulled me back into reality and has said he wishes she had not mentioned them and I feel silly having got carried away with a thought and now feel deflated il be fine but just wondered if anyone else had pre panel potential matches mentioned to them
flowers

RatherBeIndoors Fri 06-Jan-17 21:50:26

It's not silly, it's natural - but toughen your skin a bit if you can... if I had my time again I would ask my SW not to give out info about possible children until they have placement orders granted. Otherwise it's an extra emotional roller coaster that you really don't need. There is enough uncertainty and anxious waiting in this process without adding in the layer of dreaming and envisaging about children who don't yet have a formal plan, who might end up with a totally different plan, and who might have a protracted series of court hearings.

It's understandable that as you approach panel (good luck by the way!) your SWs will be thinking about children needing families who might be good matches with you - but IMO those thoughts should stay inside the SWs heads until the children are legally at the stage of being able to be placed. Perhaps the SWs think they're showing confidence in the prospective adopters, or sharing excitement, but I'm not sure it does the adopters any favours if/when there are unexpected bumps in the road.

They don't send people to panel unless they think you're ready - well done on getting through that part, and I hope the right child joins your family at just the right time. the waiting can be hellish. Buy biscuits

ac73 Fri 06-Jan-17 22:04:37

We had siblings mentioned to us pre panel - they are now asleep upstairs! They did however, already have an adoption order. Good luck! Feel free to pm me if you have any questions.

Mule22 Fri 06-Jan-17 22:08:25

Hi thanks for reply no biscuits here though as my weight is a vulnerability but 21lb down in 12 weeks so we are on the right track !
Yes I wish she had and at our next meeting I will be saying not to say anything again I think what's made it worse is another couple on our adoption course got approved 13th Dec and have had a match over Christmas they go back to panel on 17th and there match was mentioned before panel too but already had an order in place
TTC for 10 years was a long time and this seems to flown by and I think the reality of it kinda hit me and I got carried away I know am stronger than that and il be ok
Thankyou flowers

Mule22 Fri 06-Jan-17 22:10:25

Ok maybe not so strong lol just read your post AC73 and my eyes filled up ! Darn it ! It's a good job my husband is tough enough for both of us smile

Italiangreyhound Fri 06-Jan-17 23:30:43

Yes. Before Christmas the year before we adopted our don we heard about a little girl. I got way ahead of myself. Do not feel bad. it happens. But do cool down and wait and see. Cool heads are needed.

Italiangreyhound Fri 06-Jan-17 23:31:33

Our son

Mule22 Sat 07-Jan-17 00:14:27

Thankyou I'm working on it smile

Rainatnight Sat 07-Jan-17 09:11:22

Not silly at all, it's totally natural and try not to be too hard on yourself. I posted something similar recently where we'd been linked to a baby, and I got completely ahead of myself, imagining all sorts of lovely times together. It fell through and I was very upset (I have a thread about it on here somewhere).

It was a real lesson to me in toughening up, and as others have said, needing to keep a cool head.

It's tricky, because in some ways you have to let your head 'go there' to see if you could feel like this little one's mum.

But I think it's just about doing that at the right time, when things are more of a firm prospect. And even then, you need to keep some of yourself back.

If it helps, we're going to matching panel on Monday for another baby, and fingers crossed, she'll be home with us at the end of this month. So it gets better!

Mule22 Sat 07-Jan-17 09:20:33

Good luck for matching ! very exciting!
Thankyou for taking time to reply

Like I said earlier I think it was slightly heightened this week as a couple from our adoption course were in a similar position but there match had an order in place

But still yes very hard letting your self get there knowing it might not happen and then trying to pull you self back flowers

Rainatnight Sat 07-Jan-17 09:49:45

Yes, that's totally understandable with others from your course. The expression 'comparison is the thief of joy' can be very true in adoption!

Here's my other thread (looking back, feel slightly ridiculous how much has changed in a relatively short space of time)

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/adoptions/2756433-Matching-hard?watched=1&msgid=66038377#66038377

Mule22 Sat 07-Jan-17 20:53:31

Thankyou just read through your previous post good luck for Monday I'm sure all will be great 😊

ac73 Mon 09-Jan-17 21:37:27

If it makes you feel any better, I got completely carried away on Link Maker and had mentally moved in several children grin. Good luck!

Mule22 Mon 09-Jan-17 22:02:25

Haha ac73
That will be me ! Our social worker has recommended us for 2 to 3 under the age of 5 and will consider future siblings ! I think I think il have there potential siblings mentally moved in aswell hmm
I'm dreading the contact from SW after panel we go to panel on Tuesday 17th and we haven't spoken with her for 3 weeks nearly 4 and have nothing booked in to see her she hasn't replied to 5 emails apart from to say she is busy will get back to me so after panels done I think I might go crazy from lack of contact even though I know it's going to be as regular !!
Very excited about panel though 😊

Mule22 Tue 17-Jan-17 21:59:08

Update
We got a positive recommendation from panel today x very excited for the future 😊

flapjackfairy Tue 17-Jan-17 22:05:03

Well done another hurdle jumped!

Mule22 Tue 17-Jan-17 22:23:39

😊 certainly is !

ac73 Tue 17-Jan-17 22:59:31

Wonderful news!

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