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Not sure if i need to know ... opinions please

(11 Posts)
meandyouplustwo Thu 05-Jan-17 22:53:17

hi , want to get some thoughts from other adopters re birth family information.
we have life story but the details regarding reason for removal at birth arn't detailed (offence committed , not involving our child but serious enough to mean our ac couldnt stay with them).

i am thinking of the future when our ac asks why isnt with birth family i can only say an offence was committed but no details of what that offence was )

Should I be contacting ss , i presume it wll be in our dc file ? I may not have wanted to know before but im thinking of our dc and want her to know that the right decision for her adoption was made, details will help that .

is it normal practice for adoptive parents to not know details of criminal convictions of birth family , confidentiality etc

just want to get it right !

flapjackfairy Fri 06-Jan-17 05:50:04

You should have detailed info on the whole background of the family and reasons for removal in the court papers . If you have not seen them then request them . They are often a revelation!
For instance with our child other children had been removed for neglect but i had no idea how bad it was until i read court paperwork and yes dad had a conviction and it was listed in there.
I would definitely want the full story in your shoes. ,
What you then do with the info is then up to you .but as you say it is info your child may ask for one day.

luckylucky24 Fri 06-Jan-17 07:15:00

The information provided to us, that was to enable us to make a decision on the match, included evidence as to why she was removed from her family. ALL the information. You should have had that a long time ago.

meandyouplustwo Fri 06-Jan-17 07:48:24

thankyou flapjack and lucky .
we know why dd was removed and what support family had before adoption . we know there was a criminal conviction for an offence meaning person wasnt considered safe with children but not actual detail of offence . i feel i want all information for the future . i will be contacting post adoption to ask for court records .
i know i should have asked before but i think i have been in a post adoption bubble , and lovely it has been too smile

MermaidCafe Fri 06-Jan-17 17:53:46

If you know birth family name pop them into the local newspaper site - may come up that way. Although you absolutely should have had this information during the matching process

IwantedaSindywardrobe Fri 06-Jan-17 18:18:32

That's a good idea Mermaid but OP you should have been furnished with full information. The nature of the offence referred to may or may not have any significance for your child but that's your call on when and how to disclose.

Have you been provided with a lifestory book and a later life letter for your child? If not you should chase up with ss as, as far as I am aware, ss has a statutory responsibility to provide them. You definitely need further information.

meandyouplustwo Fri 06-Jan-17 20:04:17

thanks everyone
i have life story book ( for what it is worth, original lost and had to be done again sad ) .and later life letter but no details of court convictions , all hearsay.
we were told something by fc , but im uncomfortable saying this is true , i want facts that have been documented. Thats what i dont have , and what isn't in life story book or later life letter.

I have contacted last social worker this afternoon and had a reply saying she will look into things for me and given me number to contact post adoption order.

i could kick myself for not being more thorough , although i know that no crime was committed against my child , she will need details of why she couldnt stay with her birth parents.

thankyou for all the advice

MintyLizzy9 Sun 08-Jan-17 22:27:52

Sorry to high jack but how did you access the court papers @flapjackfairy? I'm in a similar position but was told by SS that I couldnt have details of convictions as it wasn't a crime against DS and therefore I'm not entitled to info regarding a third party even though this information was given considerable weight in the decision to issue a care and later a placement order. Google has given me some info regarding one person but not the key people I'm sure DS will want to know about :/

flapjackfairy Mon 09-Jan-17 10:50:01

We had all the evidence submitted by local authority in our info pack before matching and all info v detailed in there . I had assumed that was the norm tbh.
However i have heard other adoptors talk about requesting the court bundle (seems that is the term for it) as it has all legal bumph in there. I know others have said there was a lot of info in there that was useful implying they had no knowledge of it before,
I would assume you can request it from the court itself.
Have to say a lot of assuming going on here so hopefully someone more knowledgeable will be along soon.

MintyLizzy9 Mon 09-Jan-17 12:00:06

Thanks fairy. I think I will give the courts a call and see what they say. Will maybe wait until next week when hopefully fully staffed after Christmas and maybe more able to help.

I will post what they say if it's anyway helpful!

Personally I think all of this should be included in the packs we get from SS, I have no idea what DS will want to know when he's older so I'm just going off what I as an adult would want to know and so far it's been an uphill struggle to get some information but they are a closed door when it comes to 'third party' info.

IwantedaSindywardrobe Tue 10-Jan-17 21:39:52

I only know because I am related to the birth parents and also, due to the fuckwittery of social services, had to get party status within the Care Proceedings so I have my own copy of the legal bundle.

However as a social worker in the past I have written later life letters and would include any serious convictions of close birth relatives, better to find out earlier rather than later I always thought.

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