Advanced search

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

attachment activities.

(7 Posts)
wittytwitty Tue 29-Nov-16 08:06:26

After some advice on here I have been looking at activities that build attachment but they are all aimed at older children.
Does anyone have any ideas for building attachment with babies?

flapjackfairy Tue 29-Nov-16 08:56:19

Lots of physical contact. Invest in a baby sling and wear your baby as much as you can . Skin on skin contact as much as possible so take baths together etc. Singing ,rocking,swaddling, are all great and just really the natural things you would do with any baby. Baby massage is also good and throughout all activities lots of eye contact and gentle talking.
Honestly all of this mostly comes naturally when you have a baby so just enjoy your little one and have lots of fun .
Babys are simple creatures who thrive on having their needs met promptly (by the same one or two people preferably ) and need lots of love and attention .
Congratulations and enjoy!

giraffessay Tue 29-Nov-16 09:54:50

I was a wanky "attachment parent" for my older BS, and there are whole books on "attachment parenting" aimed at birth children, but the ideas are transferable. Look at William Sears etc.

With adopted DS, we shower together and swim to get skin to skin. I try and make bottle feeding as like breastfeeding a newborn as I can (without sneakily reading mumsnet on my iphone as I did when I had a birth newborn). Lots of pretending he is newborn, so cuddling, gazing into his eyes telling him he's beautiful etc. I use a sling, and carry on my front when my back allows, otherwise on my back. Use a parent facing pushchair. Co-sleeping really helps, so if I feel the attachment thread is straining a bit, I do bring him in to my bed. Responding to every moan in the night, so he knows I'm there if he needs me (this is hard, and the one I'm most likely to let slide!) Tickling games, and trust games like songs that involve being lifted up or down etc. Massage. I have his rear facing car seat in the front passenger seat, so he can always see me, and if we're stuck in traffic, I can do a bit more gazing or funny faces. Rear facing in the passenger seat with the air bag off is safe, safer than front facing in the back, but people will think you're odd. Funneling of course. Sitting looking at books is good for us.

But, I would advise not beating yourself up if some of these things slide. They're tools, not rules, and I think a hit rate of 70% of good attachment building at each opportunity will be enough. That's not evidence based, but I'm not superwoman! I think I get that idea from the need to be a 'good enough;' parent 70% of the time.

Real attachment parenting is EXHAUSTING. So, do whatever you need to to look after yourself.

RatherBeIndoors Tue 29-Nov-16 13:14:20

What they said. Also this book is great: Tiddlers to Toddlers

giraffessay Tue 29-Nov-16 13:23:10

I have a copy of that that I could send to anyone wanting it, for a donation to Doctors of the World? (I didn't find out that helpful, but that may be because I'm an obsessive reader of all attachment parenting books!)

MintyLizzy9 Tue 29-Nov-16 13:29:52

DS loved a massage when he was a bit younger, nice warm bath, massage in baby lotion, top off with talc, warm pjs and a cuddle. I would sing and hum twinkle twinkle at the same time....I think I found it as beneficial as he did!

Like others have said, skin on skin and lots of eye contact so swimming is good for both of these.

JustHappy3 Tue 29-Nov-16 16:06:38

All of the above. But a disclaimer to say only at baby's pace. DD was a faking it superficially happy with everyone baby. Realised she had avoidant attachment - so full on cuddle sessions distressed her a lot. Not sure if that's relevant to your situation or not. Professional advice was to go very slowly. So she could be held but not looked in the eye or spoken to as it would be overload.
As we kept going we got a lot of scratching which i realise now why the psychologist was v pleased about. She began to show her true feelings. Nearly a year down the line and she's a cuddly little thing.
Thank goodness for the training that made us realise our superficially "happy" baby was nothing of the kind. That's why i flagged it on your last post. I may be projecting a bit too much tho.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now