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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Just needed to put it somewhere.

(12 Posts)
OurMiracle1106 Sun 27-Nov-16 23:18:57

She walks and talks, she cooks she cleans, she is but she is not. A part of her is missing, taken, far away and she is searching to replace this missing piece. She has tried alcohol, prescription drugs and people to fill this void that has been forced upon her but although these things soften the heart wrenching gut twisting pain that she faces day in and day out, nothing replaces the child she’s lost, she knows he is out there somewhere, living his life with a new mum and dad, and she hears from them that he is happy, and although this brings her some comfort, she still continues to live half a life, she goes out, works, lives life, all whilst nobody really realises that all the time she’s just a step from breaking like a thin piece of already cracked glass. On the outside, shes the tough resilent smiley woman that everyone has come to know, but inside is a big gapping wound that just wont stop bleeding, and every day is a fight to keep the blood from drowning her with no body knowing. Shes come to realise this will be her life from now on, so on the days she isn’t strong enough to do this on her own, she stems the bleeding with the people, alcohol and prescription drugs she has come to rely on, and on these days even then, sometimes she almost breaks, her body is weak from the fight of keeping it all together, her mind is racing, and her heart is sore, sore from aching for the son she doesn’t get to see anymore. People say they know, but little do they realise, living without my child, is living without my soul.

OurMiracle1106 Sun 27-Nov-16 23:19:50

I wrote this in August. I'm missing my son a lot as xmas comes closer

flapjackfairy Mon 28-Nov-16 06:40:59

Oh ourmiracle sending huge hugs and best wishes.
You made the right decision for your son and are paying the price for that. There is no better example of parental love than that. I am crying just reading this.
How did your meeting go with sw the other week ? I have looked for an update a few times. Hope it went well and given you some hope moving forward xxx

OurMiracle1106 Mon 28-Nov-16 07:25:15

Social worker sees no reason that a child would be taken. Advised they would probably want me to do a parenting course but I already knew that.

They have to give me a chance and as so much has changed it's a strong likelihood they would leave the child with me

flapjackfairy Mon 28-Nov-16 07:31:37

Well that is positive and a huge testimony to you and how hard you have worked so be proud of that. I know you can never replace one child with another but it is hope for the future x

Offredalba Mon 28-Nov-16 07:35:48

Really sorry Ourmiracle. I would like to tell you that this gets better. It doesn't. However, you do get better at dealing with it. Better at putting those feelings into a box that you can open up at safe times.
I've been where you are, as have tens of thousands of women. People understand the burden of loss that is brought by the death or stillbirth of a child, but less so the loss to adoption or infertility for that matter.
I'm at the far end of this journey, in reunion with my son. If you feel that I can help, please pm me.

tldr Mon 28-Nov-16 11:23:39

Miracle flowers

Please seek help. Don't rely on alcohol or prescription drugs to get you through the days, especially in light of your other recent posts.

OurMiracle1106 Mon 28-Nov-16 15:21:42

I don't drink anymore. I was looking back at how I used to cope. When I am struggling I do speak with my doctor and have spoken about my anti depressants and the dosage.

Instead of the alcohol I use a candle light bath and a glass of cold full fat coke. The anti depressants I'm currently no longer taking although my epilepsy meds also act as a mood stabiliser anyway

Each step is one towards a better future. Knowing he's out there and I cannot see him kills me every day.

tldr Mon 28-Nov-16 17:15:33

Full fat Coke grin

Well done you. You're doing brilliantly. I'm sorry it hurts so much. flowers

Poppystellar Mon 28-Nov-16 19:52:04

I echo what tldr says. I can't begin to know how hard it must be for you but you have done so well to get to the point you are now at. I'm really pleased the SWs you spoke to about any future children seemed to see that too. flowers

NavyandWhite Wed 30-Nov-16 09:16:28

Have you had counselling OP?
Your first post is hard to read and I really feel for you. Your words are so familiar to that of someone whose child has died in that you are all to familiar with loss.

Could you ask about some counselling?

OurMiracle1106 Wed 30-Nov-16 19:03:39

I have had a lot of counselling.

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