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Visitors staying pre AO

(12 Posts)
user1471555041 Wed 23-Nov-16 20:03:35

Hi, in need of some advice. My husbands Mum wants to come and stay for Christmas. Our lo has only been with us for a few weeks and I'm worried that it might be too much for her but also are we allowed visitors to stay pre AO? I will check with our SW but wondered if anyone had any idea. Thank you smile

luckylucky24 Wed 23-Nov-16 20:22:45

Hmmm, I think they have to have a CRB but not sure.

ficklesticklebricks Wed 23-Nov-16 20:30:34

So, your child's grandmother?

I have had guests staying pre AO, and mentioned in passing to SW. I was never told it would be an issue.

Sometimes it takes months to years for AO to go through. There is no way I would agree to not have guests in that time. Nor would I pay for DBS checks, and I bet the LA won't be funding DBS checks any time soon!

I think SW may try and say no, but I doubt this can be official policy. As long as LO is not left in their sole care, I can't see what they would object to? It's the child's granny coming to visit, not a stranger off the street.

GirlsWhoWearGlasses Wed 23-Nov-16 20:42:59

We didn't have anyone to stay for a good few months, which caused a bit of a hoo haa at the time. We did have grandparents staying before the AO was granted though, never occurred to me to mention it to SW.

user1471555041 Wed 23-Nov-16 22:39:24

Thank you for your replies. Yes it's lo's grandmother. She doesn't live locally so they have only met briefly so far. I guess more than the official line from SW I'm just worried about unsettling our lo so soon, a stranger being in her home etc. We had a low key family get together on Sunday for our sons 16th and she was unsettled for a day or so after. I can feel the anxiety around Christmas family politics coming on already grin

flapjackfairy Thu 24-Nov-16 10:27:45

You need to prioritise your daughters needs as I am sure you already know. If that upsets gm then so be it but if you feel it would be detrimental then I would stick to my guns and say no. Then blame it on the sw who says no visitors at this stage to diffuse the tension.

catsnickedallmypens Thu 24-Nov-16 14:56:14

Several issues here OP. Firstly, as flapjack says, you need to prioritise your daughter's settling in above and beyond anyone else's wishes. I didn't let anyone stay over with us for a few months.

Secondly, local authorities are a bit inconsistent, if their policy is no one stays without DBS (old CRB) checks and you have people staying without telling them you are in a tricky position. You really don't want to be getting into unnecessary conflict with them.

Thirdly, although totally honest with our local authority about who stayed with us, who visited for us 9 years as a foster carer. Suddenly, after 9 years we were informed that anyone who stayed overnight (even if never being left on their own with our DC for a moment) had to be DBS checked first. That was a few days before we had relatives due to stay who ended up having to cancel their plans at the last minute.

But the main thing is your daughter. This is not the same as having a birth child. Your MIL needs to accept this. There will be many years ahead when relatives can visit and stay but I would keep it quiet and calm for your daughter this year.

Also, as flapjack says, you can hide behind it being a condition set by the sw that you're not allowed overnight guests yet.

Congratulations btw! How old is your daughter?

user1471555041 Thu 24-Nov-16 15:24:13

Thank you all for your advice. I totally agree our daughter has to come first even if it means my mil is disappointed. It is totally different to when we had our bs and we don't want anything to upset what we have achieved in these early weeks. In addition we have a really good relationship with our LA so don't want to rock the boat. Our daughter is 8 months and totally adorable smile

flapjackfairy Thu 24-Nov-16 16:08:20

Oh how wonderful . Have a great christmas with your little girl! X

user1471555041 Thu 24-Nov-16 16:21:27

Thank you flapjack, have a lovely Christmas too x

catsnickedallmypens Thu 24-Nov-16 18:23:40

8 months, that is very young. When she's older this will be a nice little story for her. How ,despite what other people wanted, you put her and her needs first for her first christmas because she is very special.

Mine's in year 7 now at high school but she still enjoys hearing about decisions like this where her needs were the priority over everything else. I think it provides a bit of counter-balance to her feelings that, for whatever reason, her birth parents weren't able to put her needs first. It's surprising how much impact these stories have later on.

Hope you have a lovely first christmas together. Best wishes.

user1471555041 Thu 24-Nov-16 20:00:31

That's lovely to hear catsnickedallmypens smile

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