Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

"You're very lucky cos everyone's accepted her."

(40 Posts)
JustHappy3 Thu 27-Oct-16 08:56:42

Gnash, gnash of teeth!!
Thank you older female relative for your munificence. I see it's obviously not occured to you that had you "not accepted" her you wouldn't have seen any of us again. But smile and wave, smile and wave.

We haven't had a daft-shit-that-people-say thread for a while. Anyone got any recent corkers? Or old ones that still rankle.

CrazyCatLaydee123 Thu 27-Oct-16 10:03:26

Upon telling him of match, and asking what grandparent name he'd like, my dad responded with the following:
"I think you're mental, I really do. Parenting is hard and you just don't have the skills for it"

Not spoken since!

flapjackfairy Thu 27-Oct-16 10:28:29

Oh crazy cat that is truly awful!
Justhappy ignore ignore ignore!
It is mad that people think because you are growing your family through adoption that they have the right to say whatever they want!
They wouldnt dream of saying such things to a birth parent?!

JustHappy3 Thu 27-Oct-16 11:39:14

Oh CrazyCat that's so sad.

CrazyCatLaydee123 Thu 27-Oct-16 12:50:51

I think he was off his meds that day! I know not to leave the kids alone with him... ever!

Thefishewife Thu 27-Oct-16 12:51:47

I was at a candle party someone asked me

So you gonna have yur own kids now can't really be like having your own you must feel Diffrenty towards ds yeah you love all of them but it's not quite the same 😳😕

I have one birth ds and teo adopted dds

Thefishewife Thu 27-Oct-16 12:56:31

poster CrazyCatLaydee123 Thu 27-Oct-16 10:03:26

😨😨😨😨

After trying to Sabotage our refances we haven heard from my sister since my ds is 3.5 and she was one when she came it's all very sad

Allington Thu 27-Oct-16 13:20:09

"I think you're very brave. Good luck" And avoided the subject for the best part of a year (one of my parents).

Now a devoted grandparent, I'm happy (and a little surprised grin - they have 'form') to say.

meandyouplustwo Thu 27-Oct-16 15:46:58

"have you thought what this will do to your own child , it will blow her world apart "( 18 months on they are devoted to each other)

have you thought what you are bringing into the family , what if they are like their family ( what you mean grew up in care and couldnt parent , nope that wont happen)

i wont feel the same as if they were mine to be honest ( well my first isnt yours either ......shes mine and her dads.)

i also had a sister and mother who tried to sabotage references and nope havent spoken to them since .

luckylucky24 Thu 27-Oct-16 16:45:24

MIL "Is she saying any words yet?"
DH "Not yet"
MIL "Well she should be by now"
DH "She is only young and we don't know yet if the alcohol in pregnancy will cause delays etc"
MIL "Oh so shes going to be backwards?"
DH "No"....Puts down phone.
This was the week of her first birthday!

JustHappy3 Thu 27-Oct-16 17:16:23

I am so mad on your behalfs - has surprised me how obvious it is that they are horrid comments. I thought i was over reacting at the weekend and was too taken aback to say anything at the time.

Chicklette Thu 27-Oct-16 17:27:42

Random person at work that I barely know- "How are your kids? Any problems with them yet?"!!!
Me- "Eh, no. Any problems developed with your (birth) children yet??!!"

Chicklette Thu 27-Oct-16 17:45:54

Although the best one was from an elderly relative who is also adopted so gets a small amount of clemency-
"Are you sure she is 2? She looks a lot older. You know, sometimes when you adopt a dog from a dog home they sometimes tell you they are younger than they are. Do you think that might have happened with your daughter?"?!!
Me- "Eh, no!!!"

Kr1stina Thu 27-Oct-16 19:00:43

To prospective grandparents, straight after matching panel

" We're so happy, we've just been matched with a X year old girl called Y. Heres some photos "

They refused to look at them and demanded " so tell us all about her background then "

Us - " remember we discussed this, we are not allowed to tell you, it's confidential "

Them - " We can't relate to a photo, we need all the details or we will have nothing to do with her "

Us - shock shock

They then approached the adoption agency and were suprised to be told ( politely ) to take a hike.

Wolfiefan Thu 27-Oct-16 19:03:27

Wow. I am not adopted and don't have adopted kids but these comments are hateful or stupid. (Or both)
Congratulations to all of you on your families. Adopted or not.
flowers

MintyLizzy9 Thu 27-Oct-16 21:16:49

Grrrr to all the arseholes and flowers to you all.

My aunt (an R.C nun) stomps out of the room when my DS is mentioned and refuses to accept that she knows who he is/who they are talking about, you know what with the church saying we're all adopted children of Christ she's kind of shooting herself in the foot there the nasty cow!

Im not bitter, no not me.

comehomemax Thu 27-Oct-16 21:25:34

Kr!stina They approached the agency for more info!!! Fucking hell!

Mine was the person who said "wow, you're adopting, that's brilliant. Did I ever tell you about my friends, cousins, neighbour who adopted a little boy then 15 years later he murdered them in their beds".

Kr1stina Thu 27-Oct-16 21:57:45

I know , come home. They pretended that they wanted counselling /advice on how to be adoptive GPs and went in for a meeting. When they discovered that the SW wasn't willing to give them background information on the child, they got up and left. Said there was no point.

They were so stupid that they actually complained to me about how useless she was. Even when they were told " I can't give you the information you want [ because you are not entitled to it ] " , what they heard was " I don't HAVE the details you want [ because I'm no good at my job ]" .

Are you suprised to hear that we ended up going NC with them in the end ? Of course anyone with half a brain would have stopped contact there and then, but we struggled on for years trying to make it work by being " reasonable" and " understanding " .

2old2beamum Thu 27-Oct-16 22:03:47

Rather sad, my darling stepmother said when our beautiful son died......well it is not like losing one of your own......BITCH!!angrysad

flapjackfairy Fri 28-Oct-16 09:26:48

2old that is truly shocking and has brought tears to my eyes!

Lovelylolz Fri 28-Oct-16 11:06:19

shock shock shock and social work drum it in how hard it can be to be an adoptive parent, my struggle will be not biting back at the stupid comments from others.

flowers wine to you all.

comehomemax Fri 28-Oct-16 11:17:31

2old, that's horrendous. I'm so sorry - that's beyond words.

JustHappy3 Fri 28-Oct-16 11:41:55

2old - that's beyond belief

2old2beamum Fri 28-Oct-16 18:52:19

I just hope I am a better mother than her.
flowers to you lovely lot in the adoption world

flapjackfairy Fri 28-Oct-16 19:11:38

Well from the very few posts of yours i have read you need have no fears on that score! You sound an amazing mum!
I have a bit of a case of hero worship actually as i realised you have adopted a bunch of children with additional needs. I am a fc with a ltfc with complex needs and i am just waiting for an ao for our 2yr old who also has complex needs so kids with disabilities is where my heart lies.
Oh how i would love to sit round the kitchen table with you and hear your stories!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now