nursery musings

[conserveisposhforjam]

Rather elegant namechange n'est ce pas?

So lo - 3yo home for 2.5 yrs - is due to start a pre school nursery in April. Older ds (bc) is already at school in question.

I am quite conflicted. I am SAHM so no real burning NEED for lo to start school - although some time for 'stuff' would be heavenly. Lo LOVES playing with the nursery toys in the playground, is very outgoing, (but no longer overly flirtatious with strangers), good with other children etc. Will know about five children in the class and roughly 30 children throughout the school - ds's friends and siblings. Lo has been to the school twice every school day for the whole time she has been with us so no issues there.

BUT...

Lo has probably a 6 month plus speech delay, still in nappies and we are still very careful who looks after her etc. Nursery staff have a job share so one 3 days a week, one two.

SO questions for the jury are

1. Should I send her at all?
   
2. Should I ask for 1/2/3 days initially, rising when she's more settled and focused on one teacher? Apparently one of them is incredibly nurturing and kind and gentle so I think her?
   
3. if yes and yes then what do I say to convince school?
   
4. what behaviours would be red flags for loss behaviour which would mean she needed to stop nursery and what would that mean for then starting reception?
   
   Any views would be really appreciated. I am going round in circles - every time I think the decision is made I start rethinking and arrive at the opposite conclusion.

[Thefishewife]

My dd took up her 15 hours when 2 and she loves it it's really done her wonders taught her
1- that I will always come and picke her up witch is very important
2- and that she starts to trusts other adults than me and dh
3- also they were able to put a firm plan in place so when she starts reception in Sep that she has the support she needs she is a bit behind

4- also it gave me some head space to get some bits done get a bit of me back and it's done our relationship wonders

[tldr]

Will LO be starting school Sept 17 or Sept 18?

If it's Sept 18, I'd wait and think about starting her in preschool in Sept or Jan.

If it's Sept 17, I'd definitely think about starting her in April.

My DD went to preschool for 6mo, starting at two sessions a week, building to 5. School didn't take any convincing - they claimed full 15 hours for her from the start (which guaranteed they had room for her). One session a week is probably not enough, because there's so long between them, they forget that they like it!

[conserveisposhforjam]

Thanks both. Starts school in Sept 18. But will be one of the oldest in year...

[conserveisposhforjam]

I suppose I'm a bit worried that trusting another adult is not necessarily wholly positive

But getting a bit of me back sounds so good! or just having a wee on my own?

She doesn't sleep well so I am perma-exhausted. But then I think it's all about me and not her...

[tldr]

If she's not starting til Sept 18, I'd probably park it until after summer at least, not least because you'll just get her into a routine between April and summer and then it'll be 2 months of summer.

She doesn't need to learn anything formal at preschool at all (like phonics or whatever) but it's worth her learning that you'll come back for her etc before school because otherwise the start of school may really be overwhelming. If it turns out she's going to need extra support in school too you'll likely find that out from preschool.

I completely get what you mean about trusting others, but she is going to need to at some point. And don't forget what a huge chunk of her life the 5 months to April is. We did lots of talking about how 'it's okay to trust X because I'm telling you you can trust X and if you're with X you can tell her whatever you'd normally tell me. This does not mean you can trust Y or Z.' Obviously we tried making it fun.

(If it's a split intake school make sure she gets in with the younger cohort when she starts reception so she's not out straight into a Y1/2 class too.)

Suspect I'm telling you to suck eggs at this point. Ah well.

[Kr1stina]

Nice new name BTW

And the rest of it ....what Tldr said.

However you not getting a break and being permanently tired is another matter and Can't Go On. Your need to demand support from partner , best friend , sister etc. I suspect this isn't a short term problem that will be quickly and easily resolved.

[conserveisposhforjam]

Thanks kristina :)

Dh is brilliant and gets up every single morning with the dcs so I can grab as long as possible after a disturbed night. Dps are also brilliant but live a way away and are very old. Dpils are arseholes I wouldn't leave my least favourite hamster with. I am building a network of people who I can trust to babysit intermittently but I need lo to be very comfortable with someone before I do that. And I am tackling the night waking but it's very much baby steps.

Good job I am not a brain surgeon or anything really!

[Kr1stina]

You might not be a brain surgeon . But attachment parenting is very draining , physically and emotionally . Our children are so needy they can suck all the energy out of us, especially mum ( assuming she is the main carer) .

And as we get closer to our children emotionally we can catch some of their grief, pain and loss.

Please don't underestimate how much your are doing , you need to look after yourself.

[marmalade999]

When our lo came to us we (me🤔) was up about 12 times a night for the 1st couple of months. It was bad despite attachment being good. It was draining to say the least. Anyway lo went to nursery for 3 x 3hrs a week initially (5 months after placement) it went well then lo refused to go hysterics,..tantrums etc. Lo is 2.5. Had a break for a month and has matured and now loves playing with her friends and loves going. Maybe give it a go and see just a few hours at a time. I have no family to babysit so it's our little break too. It has improved her speach etc too.
Good luck!