We applied to the Adoption Support Fund to assess and see if they could offer some support/therapy with our AS (7) and AD (5). The psychologist has been to school to see them today and AS whilst playing one of the games has said something to her about me smacking him.
She's called to say that she has to report this (I was in shock so not sure who she said) and she's doing my AD this afternoon. She's previously said about us smacking/biting/scratching her within the first 6 months of placement and we duly reported this to our SW who spoke to her and she admitted to making it up as a "story" so no action was taken.
They've been with us 20 months and were neglected terribly with BM. I'm terrified that AD is going to "make up a story" and if they've both said it then they'll think it's true.
What is likely to happen now? I feel sick. Any advice please. Am I likely to have someone turn up here and take them?
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Please help- DC said I smack him
Cabawill · 26/09/2016 12:32
You poor thing, how scary and sad for you to hear. I would sincerely hope that any psychologist working in adoption would fully understand that children who have experienced trauma and neglect can process it in different ways, and one of those ways is to "re-live" or "re-tell" what happened as if it was happening now. It's also not unusual for children to make sure they get attention from adults around them in this way, especially if their previous life has been chaotic and adults have been unreliable, so the children have learned that they need to "spread their bets" and keep the attention of all the adults around them. It's utterly tragic, but it takes a long time to build security and trust, and find healthy ways for them to express their past experiences.
If this were happening to another family, it would be easier for you to remember that any professionals who have a disclosure like this made to them are obligated to report it, and to follow up on it, because in some of those cases they will be protecting the children from risk of serious harm. However, they are going to look at this in the context of what your children have previously known in their life, and as incredibly hard as it is, you need to trust them to do that and follow the process right now.
Am I right that if you're applying to the ASF, you already have your AO? If so, these are legally your children, you are their family. People are not going to swoop in and split you up, but I expect people will want to talk to you and perhaps keep a close eye for a little bit - if you are needing extra support (and you are early in placement really, with two children) then that close eye can become a really good thing because someone should hear what you are trying to say about your children's needs.
Take care of yourself and go very, very gently. I know this hurts and is frightening, but if you can, hold on to the fact that this is not about you, or your parenting, or even about how your child feels about you - this is about them expressing pain, caused before you even met them 
Poor poor you. Of course you are hurt. You would have to be superhuman and weird to be entirely accepting and relaxed about something like that and that that isn't in the job description (as yet).
Smacking isn't something that would cause your children to be removed anyway. I know that's not the point really but you can relax about them turning up and taking the dc away. It sounds as though they have a balanced view of what is going on at home with one outlying comment from a traumatised child - they will see that for what it is.
caba
I agree with rather and Narnia. Seeking help is/was/still is the right thing to do. Please try and not worry.
This must be horrendously difficult for you but please try not to worry. Lots of excellent advice from other posters but just wanted to reassure you that this happens to others.
DD went through a phase when relatively newly placed (in first couple of years) of saying that I had hit her or hurt her whenever she didn't like what she was being told (things as relatively simple as 'no you can't watch tv' or 'no, you have to eat your tea first') or sometimes if I placed my hand on her arm or shoulder to gently guide her. It was exhausting and heartbreaking, and she was only saying this to me so I didn't have your additional stresses. Fast forward a couple more years and as she is feeling more secure the behaviour has stopped.
I honestly think you have nothing to worry about and SS will hopefully be able to use this as springboard to providing further support.
I really feel for you. Take great comfort from the fact your children's faces lit up when talking about you. This speaks volumes about the great job you have done in parenting them so far.
We all lose our temper and shout at times. I always try and make a point of apologising to DD afterwards if I do this, to try and model the behaviour I'm trying to teach her which is that we are all human and make mistakes.
You are not alone.
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