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SOOO fed up!!!!

(14 Posts)
Mollybird1 Tue 20-Sep-16 15:18:47

Just having a bad day and a moan off really. Been almost a year now since we've been approved for a boy/girl 0-3 year old and had hardly any interest. We are on adoption link which I'm starting to find quite soul destroying. Queried quite a few children on there and all we get back is sorry found someone else more suitable. Had my heart set on this little boy and just received an email to say no, but he just sounded so perfect for us!! We've changed pictures, updated profile but doesn't seem to make any difference. Been to a couple of profiling events too then don't get any follow up. Friends and family are asking all the time, how's it going?, can't believe your still waiting, blah blah..
I really thought we would of had a child by now. We have a birth child aged 7, she's been very good with it all. Would just love to complete our family and stop 'living in limbo'. Anyone with similar situation? Sorry, rant over.

greenandblackssurvivalkit Tue 20-Sep-16 16:07:44

I was. Then saw DS' profile, and everything came together.

You only need one link to progress. Just one. And it could be the next profile you see.

The waiting sucks, though. And it's harder with an eager older sibling in waiting!

Try and plan some exciting family activities. Like wearing white brings on a period, planning something awesome is sure to make LO turn up!

flapjackfairy Tue 20-Sep-16 16:14:38

I am not in same situation but am well aware of how stressful this whole process is and i certainly found the loss of having any real control very hard to take. it must be hard having come so far to feel that you are stalled at this point and whilst i do not have any words of wisdom to help i do sympathise and really hope you find your little 1 soon. Hang in there . Take it a day at a time and 1 day this will all be a dim and distant memory. Hopefully someone in same position will be along to help. Good luck.

Acorn44 Tue 20-Sep-16 19:16:27

In a similar situation myself. The best bit of information I can give you is not to let the waiting take over your life. That's kept me sane. (I started off thinking 'any day now' whereas now it's 'any month now'!).

Also, make your Link Maker enquiries as specific to the child's needs as possible (rather than talking about your ten goldfish and large mansion or whatever). Have you thought about adding a video to your profile? Both of these points were suggested by a social worker on LM recently.

I suspect that the age group you are looking for, combined with the fact you have a birth child, may mean you have a longer wait. However, you can counter this by getting as much experience as possible and attending any training courses you can etc.

We currently have three strong links which were totally unexpected (all ones we applied for in the Spring and had heard nothing about for months). You will find you get good news when you least expect it - we've had a summer of rejections!

Hang in there flowers

Acorn44 Tue 20-Sep-16 19:22:58

Also, hard though it is, try to avoid the mindset of 'he's perfect for us' - it's about what's 'perfect for him'. A friend who has adopted told me to see myself from the child's SW's perspective. This did help me to be more realistic in which children we enquired about and resulted in links for some smashing little ones who we may not have originally considered.

We still have no match, but the things I've mentioned have helped me feel a little more in control than I did a few months ago when I was literally logging into LM every few hours and it was beginning to drive me crazy

greenandblackssurvivalkit Tue 20-Sep-16 20:27:23

I went through the profile, and covered each point. "K likes dogs. We have five child friendly terriers." "W enjoys eating sausages, I knit sausages from our own organic pork." "P likes football, we have a garden the size of a football pitch."

That sort of thing.

ChoccyJules Tue 20-Sep-16 21:33:02

Three years in the system, 2.5 years approved, DD is now 8. So yes, I feel your pain, we ride the emotional rollercoaster every time we express an interest on Linkmaker. Hate to see what the wait is doing to DD.

ChoccyJules Tue 20-Sep-16 21:50:51

Rant enquiry on Linkmaker just lasted 15 mins before it was rejected. I think it reminded them that the child was still on there as the profile was then pulled. Happens all the time, I know SWs are busy but leaving children on there means a lot of soul-searching, discussion then rejection for prospective adopters. Rant over.

Sillyshell Wed 21-Sep-16 09:34:29

No experience to really add but lots of sympathy. We've only been approved for 2.5 months and I already feel like I've had enough, I cant imagine how it must feel years down the line.

I'm just trying to trust that it will all come together when the time is right and hopefully you will hear something soon x

ChoccyJules Wed 21-Sep-16 10:07:41

Thanks. Every day we wonder whether this will be the last day, either because we'll be matched or, usually, because one of us wants to quit. We don't really want to quit but the emotional toll is like the elephant in the room (even when not thinking about it).

Acorn44 Wed 21-Sep-16 10:19:48

15 minutes Choccy? That's awful. I wish SW could see things from our side. Must be particularly difficult to explain to a DC. flowers

Mollybird1 Wed 21-Sep-16 21:14:02

Thanks for your support and advice, will be taking it all on board. Nice to have people On here in the same position. ChoccyJules I can't believe you have been waiting this long. I'm kind of thinking if it doesn't happen by next year when it's my big birthday then I'll knock it on the head, but a hell of a lot easier said than done, I'll see where we are then. Really really do hope something happens for you soon. Have you had anything close to it happening?

Kr1stina Thu 22-Sep-16 12:32:24

I know it's a serious topic. But I couldn't help a grin at knitting sausages from our own organic pork

MintyLizzy9 Thu 22-Sep-16 19:43:44

Book non refundable worked for me grin

The waiting is just awful, and it's easy to say after the fact but don't let it become your life. I did for a while and it almost broke me. So after another failed link I booked a week in the sun only to get the call that DS SW wanted to come and see me. I got off the plane at the end of the week and SW arrived an hour later and the rest is history (history is currently singing in his cot when he should be asleep!!)

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