Nearly at panel stress

[Chocogoingcuckoo]

Hi, DH and myself are quickly approaching panel in the next month and the nerves/stress/anxiety have kicked in. We've been pretty supportive of each other over the years but now, becoming a first time parent is nearly a reality, we're really stressing out at each other.

Is this something that other adopters have experienced?

[matimeo]

Yeah. It's a really stressful process, and it feels like you are coming to the end of it (you really aren't :-) so you start to let all the bottled up stuff out. We argued too. The panel itself will be fine- dead easy. Intros are intense; try to find a little breathing space before them if you can.

It really is all worth it.

[Rainatnight]

Oh God, yes, of course it's stressful. We're approaching panel too and while we've not been stressing at each other we've certainly been stressed in general about some aspects of it all becoming a reality. That's not to say we're not incredibly excited and enthusiastic - I think you wouldn't be human if you didn't have some 'oh shit' moments.

Something that we've found helped as a couple (hate that expression but you know what I mean) is to talk and talk and give each other loss of venting space.

We went on a long walk on Monday which literally had an agenda () of all the things we needed to talk about re adoption. One of them was 'hopes and fears', which turned mainly into fears but really helped to surface and talk through all our 'stuff'

[UltegraGirl]

Hey :-)

The prospect is very scary but the reality is so much easier!

When your social worker says that you'd know already if there were any issues or things likely to come up, it really is true. There are absolutely no set answers - the Panel Social workers tend to ask social worky questions (similar to what you'll have been asked 10s of times by your own SW) the medics person asks medically questions - if any things cropped up in your heath assessment, that's probably the question right there so have your genuine, honest answer ready - I'd had a period of depression years before and had sought GP, meds and counselling. I explained it was family related, which would help me empathise with adopted children and it also showed I was proactive about seeking help if I ever struggled again. They loved that answer.

There'll probably be a question on one parent giving up work for adoption leave (if relevent) and how that might be challenging - there's nothing wrong with agreeing with them tho and saying 'I know it will be a challenge as I've never done this before but I have some plans in place - good support network/looked into Adoption only playgroups to meet other parents/active member of Mumsnet so I can tap into support ...' It all counts to show that you have seriously thought about things
AND have some solutions planned.

We came out and thought 'phew, glad that's over but it wasnt that bad'

Hope that helps 👍🏼

Best of luck!!!

[Chocogoingcuckoo]

Thanks for the tips and reassurance.