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Breaking point

(9 Posts)
scoobyloobyloo Mon 22-Aug-16 04:16:28

What can done when an adoptive parent is at breaking point? I don't want to give any info away but if you think an adoption might be on the verge of breaking down through just needing more practical support in the home on a regular basis (au pair type help) can social services help financially?

MooseyMouse Mon 22-Aug-16 06:56:09

I'm sorry things are so hard. I don't know the answer to this but I wanted to send some support.

I have heard of people being given practical support (like a cleaner) in the first year to give them time to bond. That was probably four or five years ago.

Can you say anything more about what stage you're at (newly placed, several years in...) and broadly what's going wrong (behaviour, overloaded...).

One thought is that au pairs are not qualified/experienced child-carers so, if the child is hard to take care of, they might not have the skills.

The Adoption Support Fund can pay for a wide range of support (usually therapeutic) and Pupil Premium can pay for things like after school clubs.

It's hard to say more without knowing more but I'm sorry you were feeling so stressed out at 4am and hope you find a way forward.

scoobyloobyloo Mon 22-Aug-16 07:53:39

Thanks Mouse, it's not for me but a family member. It's pretty distressing to see and SS seem unable to do much. I was just wondering if anyone had had luck with getting SS to do anything practical to prevent apprentice break down. So sad.

scoobyloobyloo Mon 22-Aug-16 07:54:08

A potential, not apprentice!

Rainatnight Mon 22-Aug-16 08:07:11

SS should definitely be able to help from the Adoption Support Fund. If necessary, your friend needs to say that the adoption is on the verge of disruption. They won't want that.

campervancharlie Mon 22-Aug-16 09:45:39

Hi Scoobyloobyloo,
I know you wont want to give any identifying factors so stay vague, but is the adoptive parent needing help because of the child's behaviours or for a different reason? or is it 'purely' a financial pressure?

RatherBeIndoors Mon 22-Aug-16 11:52:47

If the LA won't come and do a post-adoption support assessment, which they are required to do to identify the family's need and make a request for funding from the National Adoption Support Fund, the family can contact the National Adoption Support Fund directly - their helpline is really good, and although the LA will have to be involved to assess, the Support Fund people can help to make that happen.

The Fund can only be used for therapeutic activities that will directly support the child (play therapy, family therapy, etc) but funding that can ease other pressures on the family. Applying for DLA can help, if the child/children have additional needs that mean they need far more support than other children their age? That too can ease pressure on the parents, because they are not trying to be a 24 parent and somehow work too, especially if they have very disrupted nights.

Some LA's will offer an adoption allowance, usually fixed term, and usually not very big, to help tide over a family under particular strain - these can be hard to get, but worth asking about it via the SWs in the post-adoption support team. They are extremely unlikely to be positive about the idea of having another adult in the house (you mention an au pair) because the presence of a stranger in the home has a good chance of increasing the stress/challenging behaviour in the child. However, they may be able to provide contact details of specialist childcare in the area - our LA has a co-ordinator who keeps a register of childminders etc able to care for children with additional needs of all kinds.

I hope you and your family are able to find support and reach a steadier place together flowers

marmalade999 Tue 23-Aug-16 21:35:35

Sorry not able to offer any advice.
I know I have been at breaking point through sheer exhaustion in the early months. I hope your friend gets what they need to prevent a breakdown xx

HaveAWeeNap Wed 24-Aug-16 00:37:55

If you are in the early days. It DOES get better, it does get easier.
It took us over a year to start to feel comfortable together as a real family.

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