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Thinking of adopting- how to start?? LA/VA? what to expect

10 replies

kansasmum · 21/08/2016 19:49

Dh and I have been discussing adopting a child -we have 2 adult dd's ( 22 and 20) and a 9 yr old ds. Our eldest Dd has a 1 year old ds so we are grandparents too.
We feel we have a loving family to offer a child and ideally would like to adopt an older child (4+).
I am a sahm mum and dh has a good job and we have room. But all that aside we feel we could offer a child a loving supportive home.
So I'm doing reading and research about the stages and what's involved etc.
I'm 48 & Dh is 49. We aren't too old according to what I've read.

Just looking for some info really on starting the process and what to expect. Do we choose the local authority or go through an agency?

Any starting info gratefully received!

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Whatslovegottodo · 21/08/2016 21:10

Hi, I posted a thread with the same question earlier in the week. Today we decided to go with VA, fingers crossed it was a good decision.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/adoptions/2710123-La-vs-va

Good luck with it all.

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WelshVickie81 · 21/08/2016 21:40

Good luck to you both. We're currently being assessed, we went with a VA, the lifelong support that is offered helped us make the decision plus a general feeling that it was right for us.

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kansasmum · 22/08/2016 09:24

We think we're going with VA. they seem to offer more support especially post adoption which is good.
Going to phone them today!

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Whatslovegottodo · 23/08/2016 08:12

How did the phone call go? We had a great initial contact with our VA. The initial forms have been sent and now the waiting begins. Very exciting but nerve wracking too.
I have been reading the unofficial guide to adoptive parenting which is a great book and have been looking at adoption uk trying to get plenty of info!

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kansasmum · 23/08/2016 17:05

Phone call went really well. Spoke to a lovely SW who is contacting the manager in our area and we will be allocated a SW to come and do an initial visit!

On a disappointing note, my youngest Dd who is 20 has categorically said she is against the idea of adoption as she will feel " pushed out. " She recently moved out, has her own life etc.
Not quite sure how to deal with this. Feel she is being selfish which shouldn't be a surprise as she is not the easiest person but also feel can't ignore her feelings. At 20 I didn't think she'd object.
Anyway will see if she calms down.

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kansasmum · 23/08/2016 17:05

Oh and I am also reading the Unofficial Guide to Adopting! Very honest and real account it would seem so far.

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Whatslovegottodo · 24/08/2016 08:24

Great about the VA yours seem as nice as ours we are awaiting to book the home visit also.
But what a shame about your DD. Has she been able to express why apart from feeling pushed out? Do you think she will come round to the idea at all, maybe help engage with the process and be involved? I think as she is an adult with her own life she should be able to adjust OK but maybe she just needs some reassurance. Hopefully as she already has a younger brother and it's not a case of she has been the youngest forever, it will be something she can adapt to. The book is really great isn't it. Have just ordered the adopters handbook too which I believe gives a breakdown of the process so will see what that says.

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kansasmum · 24/08/2016 09:38

Social a worker rang this morning!! Coming for an initial visit on 12th Sept! Gulp!!!! Was caught by surprise so didn't ask anything about what to expect etc! I'm assuming just general chat then decide to proceed to Register of Interest??
Exciting but nervous.
Dd still very against but seems bit calmer so hoping we can discuss it more.
Ordered a book from BAAF about the adoption process which should come today too.

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Whatslovegottodo · 24/08/2016 15:04

Ooh that's great news - not long , mine are ringing Friday to discuss the date of visit. Exciting but nervous times indeed. Yes, I think the initial visit is for them to get to know you and you to ask questions and both to decide whether to proceed, though of course am not an expert in this! Hope discussions with DD go well.

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kansasmum · 24/08/2016 16:13

The BAAF book arrived today so going to have a good read of that.
It's all exciting but nerve wracking.
Haven't had a chance to talk to dd yet. Am Hoping she will come round.
Hope you hear about your visit soon!
Our ds is very excited. I have to
keep reminding him that it's very early days etc, we might not get accepted etc.