Talk

Advanced search

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

facebook

(16 Posts)
PotofGold1186 Sat 20-Aug-16 11:17:08

Have any of you found your child's birth parents on facebook? What did you find?
I found mine (there was a reason). There are pictures of my lo, who hasn't changed much, all over their pages. I'm struggling with this although I don't have a right to sad

Darthvadersmuuuum Sat 20-Aug-16 11:40:59

Why were you looking? It doesn't seem unusual that they would have pictures of their birth child on FB. It must be a very strange feeling for you though.

PotofGold1186 Sat 20-Aug-16 13:23:02

I thought I saw one of them locally. I almost had a heart attack. I used facebook to see if they had moved. I accept I should have just asked social services.
It is normal but I guess seeing photos of my lo on their page, along with "mummy loves you, we are a perfect family" was very unsettling. This is obviously a coping mechanism for them but still makes me feel strange. 400friends on their facebook are being updated that they miss their baby, along with photos, and I get scared that someone will recognise lo with us. I think that is actually the worst thing.

tldr Sat 20-Aug-16 14:46:47

I'm sure lots of people look on Facebook - why wouldn't you?

Remember LO will change as he/she grows and their photos will not.

flowers

CuntyPotato Sat 20-Aug-16 16:03:05

Yep. Another adopter suggested that I find them and block them, so they can't stumble across us (unlikely anyway but makes me feel more secure).

SpookyRachel Sat 20-Aug-16 23:11:31

Not FB but I have googled them - I want to know what dd is going to find when she does the same, as she surely will in the next few years.

What I found was pretty horrendous sad

TearingDownTheWall Sun 21-Aug-16 00:04:22

Same here, spooky. I wanted to see how easy it was to find them (very) and to get a feel for what my child will probably experience. It's not good but at least I can add it to the list of things to try and deal with.
It's made me really aware of my own online security and presence too.

OP, I know it's worrying - you have my sympathy.

JustHappy3 Sun 21-Aug-16 08:54:22

We created a false account to do our fb snooping as i'm not 100% sure that fb doesn't suggest as friends people who have looked at their page. Supposedly not but too much of a risk for me as none of our most it savvy mates were sure either.

We considered blocking but they both had several fb profiles - we realised they prob forget passwords etc when they get new phones.

PotofGold1186 Sun 21-Aug-16 10:03:08

It is worrying. I am horrified at how easy it was to track them down. I don't have my real name on facebook or any profile pics of me to help keep it secure. It makes me feel irrational, like I will never tell lo their names or show pictures. Ridiculous, and of course I will as hiding that wouldn't be right, but it is the feeling of helplessness.

Italiangreyhound Sun 21-Aug-16 17:11:23

Looking on Facebook, perfectly fine.

Yes, I've done it - and found photos of little one I did not have. Don't feel bad for doing it.

I've no other advice except that the birth parents have those photos and your little one will change.

All the best.

MintyLizzy9 Sun 28-Aug-16 20:54:15

Yes, found BM VERY easily but not BD. I did it to try and find some pics of DS as the only pic SS had was one they took to send me dispite him being under CP since birth. I got some baby pics of him which I saved but I can only see profile pics rather than all her posts due to her security settings. I set up a new generic email address and used that to set up a fake Facebook profile and searched via that. I regularly search for BD in the hope he appears as we don't have a photo of him so DS may never know what he looks like.

I've also googled and found articles sad

It was strange to see the happy family pictures knowing what I know and so very sad to see this young girl pretending all was good in her life.

I haven't yet but do plan on taking some pictures of buildings where DS lived before they are knocked down. I see all the pictures of me growing up and my various homes and I know it's stupid but I want to get as much as I can for him for or if he evers gets to a stage in life where he wants to see it.

MintyLizzy9 Sun 28-Aug-16 20:55:46

Oh and yes I can tell its DS in the pics but he has changed SO much that I doubt if many/any birth family would recognise him now let alone in another couple of years!

OlennasWimple Mon 29-Aug-16 16:28:32

I daren't open that can of worms, in case I don't like what I find...

TeamAcorn Thu 01-Sep-16 00:41:48

I looked to block them and I'm glad I did as found we had mutual Facebook friends even though we're 40 miles from BPs. The world is small, the Internet world is smaller. However, I agree, your child will change, their photos will not. It's natural to worry but as time passes and features change so will your level of worry. Social media and our need to be wary of it, to be frank, is the constant reminder our children joined our family through adoption - our children are at school which doesn't help. But the annoyance is worth it for all the good bits. I say block them, be wary of what you put on facebook and try to forget about it....knowing how hard trying is! Oh....andwine

PotofGold1186 Thu 01-Sep-16 07:12:14

I think I would have had a melt down if I had mutual friends! Luckily I only have 30 friends!
cakewine for all!

anxious123 Thu 01-Sep-16 08:03:10

As a BM I generally keep my facebook fairly open but then I don't post about LO directly and theres certainly no photos on mine of him. I post on his birthday and when I get letterbox but its very indirect "even though these days we can't be together... look in my heart, you'll stay there forever" so to those not in the know it could be about anyone but to those in the know will know I do still think of him hopefully without it feeling like im intruding on their lives. To be honest I dont post a lot of personal stuff on there but should they look they'd know where I am, a bit of what i'm up to (normally work!) And where i've visited... i'd hope my openness would reassure them that i'm not actively looking for them but they'd be aware of some of the cities/towns I frequent regularly if that makes sense

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now