I've met my child's birth parents recently. The meeting went as well as it could, smoothly in fact. In some ways it was good to meet them.
However since then I've really had the blues. I've spent a lot of time thinking about them through the whole process and putting myself in their shoes. I thought meeting them would be positive but, actually, It has just made me realise how real they are. I'm not stupid, I've had my child for several months now. I've made photo books for them with their birth parents pictures. Ive carefully stored the things they gave them. I've kept all paperwork. All so that they will have the info when older.
Now I feel like my child isn't...mine? Anymore. I love them to death and feel like they ARE my child but yet not.
There is the defensive side of me that feels angry about how the bp treated them. Then the other side of me that realised the bp had horrid lives themselves and that the whole situation is so so sad.
I wish i hadn't met them. I read all these accounts from other adoptive parents and you all sound saintly. So much sympathy and empathy. I have plenty of both but it isn't coming naturally to me. I feel like a terrible person. Then I feel like my child will leave me one day to meet them and I will lose them. The greatest fear.
Is any of this normal?? The idea of losing my child makes it hard to breathe. Then I feel so utterly sad for her birth mother. I struggle with how something so sad can bring so much happiness?!
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the negative effect of meeting the birth parents
10 replies
littleredrobin1985 · 19/08/2016 21:20
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