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(16 Posts)
drsholmes Fri 19-Aug-16 15:39:55

I received a phone call today to say we've been accepted into stage 1 and they are
Now going to initiate the checks.

I felt excited and then I got home and immediately felt shit scared! They are going to ask everyone about us and start delving into our personal life.

I'm just so worried as we have a really good life now with a birth daughter who is 4 and I'm worried that we are going to rock the boat - forever. I know it's going to be hard at first and we're prepared for that but I'm scared that it will always be hard and by making this decision we will be "ruining" ( couldn't think of another word) a good thing.
Did anybody else feel like this???

MypocketsarelikeNarnia Fri 19-Aug-16 15:45:46

Yup. All of us with bcs and/or older acs I reckon. smile


tldr Fri 19-Aug-16 15:51:37

Even without other DC I was convinced we were ruining our lives.

UnderTheNameOfSanders Fri 19-Aug-16 16:06:02

One step at a time.

By starting stage 1 you aren't committing to anything.

By being approved you aren't committing to anything.

You only start being committed at matching panel because at that point a little one's future is being affected.

(But don't tell the SWs I said that smile)

drsholmes Fri 19-Aug-16 16:09:07

Just one step at a time then. I'll try not to let myself get too worried, I do tend to overthink everything

MypocketsarelikeNarnia Fri 19-Aug-16 17:18:54

Yeah. That how I sold it to Dh. ..

TearingDownTheWall Fri 19-Aug-16 18:04:24

Me too pockets! We decided to just focus on the next set of big meetings and would make a decision then....

MypocketsarelikeNarnia Fri 19-Aug-16 19:31:40

I just kept saying 'look, no-one's going to bring a baby round and force you to be its dad - let's just see how the next bit goes' grin

Obviously he was pretty much on board by matching...

Mrscollydog Fri 19-Aug-16 21:19:12

100% felt the same. We had 7 year old when we started and life was good. But we had hit that point where we had talked about adoption till we were blue in the face and felt the only way to decide if it was right was to start the process. Fast forward 18 months (several.of which were bloody awful and I honestly hated it, as described in many of my desperate posts on here!!!!) My beautiful AD is sleeping upstairs and my very happy BS is snuggled up next to me on the sofa. At this point our lives have been hugely enhanced. We feel complete.Literally no regrets.
One day at a time.

tybalt22 Fri 19-Aug-16 21:54:42

What are your reasons for adopting if I could ask? If you have any doubts you need to talk them out because there are a lot of things that just might not be the same, holidays, work life, family and friends. It needs to be right from the start. I think it was probably more positive for us as we have no bc and can't plus we had done the whole holidays and partying etc

Italiangreyhound Sun 21-Aug-16 17:12:58

Yes. I worried. Join the club, you are normal! wink

drsholmes Sun 21-Aug-16 17:44:44

I'm glad I'm normal! Tybalt22 - what do you mean holidays won't be the same? And the other stuff? Parties? Do you means kids parties (my partying days were over a long time ago ;) )

drsholmes Sun 21-Aug-16 17:45:08

I'm glad I'm normal! Tybalt22 - what do you mean holidays won't be the same? And the other stuff? Parties? Do you means kids parties (my partying days were over a long time ago ;) )

Mollybird1 Tue 23-Aug-16 23:00:34

Yep def in same boat here!! We have been approved and waiting to adopt since Nov15. We have a beautiful birth daughter aged 7. She is so good with the whole process! Just back from a fabulous holiday, just the 3 of us, and I sometimes think, (well quite often actually!), what are we doing!! Our daughters so happy at the moment, as are we, but I can't help but feel there's a big hole in our lives that needs to be filled. I overthink and seem to worry about everything!! Hoping my friends and family are right when they say you know when it's right and that child will fit perfectly into your family, it will have very challenging times but with time and support from others around you I'm sure it be the best thing you have ever done.

HaveAWeeNap Wed 24-Aug-16 00:30:37

Nerves are usual. But you need to really think about how much you want this.
Yes, it will rock the boat and it will change your lives forever.
Your child will need massive amounts of love, time and parenting to the power of ten.
It's the most rewarding and beautiful experience - it's also soul destroying, mundane and frustrating for much of the time depending on your child's previous life and their current needs.
Think hard, think long. You need to be wholly committed to adopt.
Don't do this half arsed.
These children have already been let down enough.
If you rise to the challenge then I wish you the very best of luck.

OlennasWimple Wed 24-Aug-16 03:31:22

I think you'd be unusual, if not in complete denial about what you were embarking on, if you weren't nervous / convinced you were about to wreck your lives / on the verge of turning back...

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