Looking for birth Mother

[Beammeup11]

Long time lurker on this board. My husband and I are both adopted, and we have decided to start looking for his birth Mother.
I found mine many years ago, didn't turn out too well, but I am close to a sibling so some good came out of it I suppose.
We are using an organisation called Adoption trace, has anyone had a dealings with them?

[Italiangreyhound]

Not heard of it. Have heard of after adoption.

Am on phone so can't link but you could Google.

Good luck

[Ligtvoet123]

Get in touch with a so called Search Angels, who will help you for free. Search on Facebook or google.

[Kr1stina]

Does he know that he has a right to see his files at the adoption agency and also at the registrar generals office ?

You don't need an agency to do that . Although some people prefer to use a intermediary for contact.

[Beammeup11]

Thanks all.

Have looked at search Angels. I think they are only in the US?
Kristina, he hadn't seen his file, but he does have his original birth certificate. I have even taken out a subscription to Find My Past, alas I am no Miss Marple.

If anyone has any clues to find someone with only a birth certificate please let me know.

Finally I would like to say what a lovely bunch you are on here. We were adopted in the 70's, were they would give anyone a baby! When I see what adoptive parents go through these days, to adopt I know your children are truly blessed.

[Kr1stina]

Use the birth certificate to trace more information about the mother ( and the father if he is named) . Search for marriages certificates and other births to her . They have addresses .

Marriage certificates have parents names, occupations, and witnesses, who are often siblings of bride or groom .

Death certificates have name of the person notifying the death ( I think ) usually next of kin

Place of marriage - often there's a local connection with a church .

Many jobs have registers which you can search eg teachers, nurses

Search the electoral roll for the dates and addresses. Get names of other people living at that address - may be an unmarried partner.

[Kr1stina]

The adoption records and social work records will give much more background information .

[LyTinWheedle]

It was a while ago I did my search but I went through social services and they were amazing. Can't thank them enough to be honest. Did feel a bit odd having my own social worker as an adult though!

[MrSlant]

I was adopted in the 70's too.

[Beammeup11]

Well I have an update.
Unfortunately not great news. I managed to find her myself using electoral roll, wasn't too bad once I realised what I was doing.
I called her up and had a brief conversation she was a little shocked at first, I promise I was very gentle :)
She was clear she didn't want to meet him, but I told her how wonderful he is and he had a great life, and continues too. Also told her about her grandchild. I offered my number just incase she changes her mind and told her I won't contact her again.

I am just so upset for my husband. His birth Mother lives alone partner died last year, she didn't go on to have more children. I would have thought she would have jumped at the idea if reconnecting with her only child :(

[Kr1stina]

I'm sorry to hear this. But it might just be the shock and she could change her mind later . Aftre all, I'm guessing it's taken your husband years to decide to trace her , she it's understandable that it might take her longer than a few minutes phone call.

But even if she doesn't, at least you have tried . Did she give you any useful information about the circumstances surrounding his birth and adoption ? Is you DH ok with that ?

[Beammeup11]

We are hoping she will change her mind. We did get some useful medical information to watch out in the future. Didn't ask any of the details surrounding the adoption, didn't like to ask. I spent most of the call reassuring her and thanking her.

Apparently she is retiring overseas shortly, her final words were "have a good life" so it seemed pretty final :(

Anyway I really do believe it is her loss, she has no family and sounded quite lonely. She had our number but we don't expect a call.

[ComedyBoobs]

I think you have to respect her wishes, as difficult as that might be.
It's good that you got the medical info though.
You sound like you have been very sensitive with regard to her needs, which is good. I'm adopted & traced my birth parents. It's a bit of a roller-coaster of emotions.

[Puffedsleevedress]

Reported

[OurMiracle1106]

You may find she does change her mind. It may well have been shock and even if she doesn't like you said he has a good life. I know that there are probably questions he needs answered and they may never be answered.

At least he knows as far as his mum was concerned he was her only child.

[Tinyfeet2]

Good advice' I searched every certificate I could find on ancestry uk, genology, then found details on search people website, in three days I found my partners birth mother. I rang her and she didn't want to know, I didn't stop there I then found his brother. To cut a very long story short we met up, gave him the news and two years later he told his mum he knew the family secret (57) years ago. She is over the moon that it had come out and said not a day has gone by she hadn't thought about him, anyway meeting her in two months so we can all come to terms with it. She is very old and frail so we might not have much time left (fingers crossed) I have come on here for advice about emotions and what to expect? Anyhelp would be appreciated. I have just ordered some books too. We are all so excited and do not feel any resentment or ill feelings (hopefullywont) it's been s rocky road but hoping for happy ending

[Tinyfeet2]

Would love to know what the initial meeting was like? Meeting a stranger but your mum? Doing the same in November with my partner meeting his birth mum x