Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Looking for birth Mother

(13 Posts)
Beammeup11 Wed 03-Aug-16 07:58:41

Long time lurker on this board. My husband and I are both adopted, and we have decided to start looking for his birth Mother.
I found mine many years ago, didn't turn out too well, but I am close to a sibling so some good came out of it I suppose.
We are using an organisation called Adoption trace, has anyone had a dealings with them?

Italiangreyhound Wed 03-Aug-16 09:55:37

Not heard of it. Have heard of after adoption.

Am on phone so can't link but you could Google.

Good luck

Ligtvoet123 Wed 03-Aug-16 12:39:16

Get in touch with a so called Search Angels, who will help you for free. Search on Facebook or google.

Kr1stina Wed 03-Aug-16 17:54:58

Does he know that he has a right to see his files at the adoption agency and also at the registrar generals office ?

You don't need an agency to do that . Although some people prefer to use a intermediary for contact.

Beammeup11 Wed 03-Aug-16 18:39:09

Thanks all.

Have looked at search Angels. I think they are only in the US?
Kristina, he hadn't seen his file, but he does have his original birth certificate. I have even taken out a subscription to Find My Past, alas I am no Miss Marple.

If anyone has any clues to find someone with only a birth certificate please let me know.

Finally I would like to say what a lovely bunch you are on here. We were adopted in the 70's, were they would give anyone a baby! When I see what adoptive parents go through these days, to adopt I know your children are truly blessed.

Kr1stina Wed 03-Aug-16 23:03:55

Use the birth certificate to trace more information about the mother ( and the father if he is named) . Search for marriages certificates and other births to her . They have addresses .

Marriage certificates have parents names, occupations, and witnesses, who are often siblings of bride or groom .

Death certificates have name of the person notifying the death ( I think ) usually next of kin

Place of marriage - often there's a local connection with a church .

Many jobs have registers which you can search eg teachers, nurses

Search the electoral roll for the dates and addresses. Get names of other people living at that address - may be an unmarried partner.

Kr1stina Wed 03-Aug-16 23:04:42

The adoption records and social work records will give much more background information .

LyTinWheedle Wed 03-Aug-16 23:06:56

It was a while ago I did my search but I went through social services and they were amazing. Can't thank them enough to be honest. Did feel a bit odd having my own social worker as an adult though!

MrSlant Wed 03-Aug-16 23:07:35

I was adopted in the 70's too.

Beammeup11 Fri 12-Aug-16 15:53:39

Well I have an update.
Unfortunately not great news. I managed to find her myself using electoral roll, wasn't too bad once I realised what I was doing.
I called her up and had a brief conversation she was a little shocked at first, I promise I was very gentle smile
She was clear she didn't want to meet him, but I told her how wonderful he is and he had a great life, and continues too. Also told her about her grandchild. I offered my number just incase she changes her mind and told her I won't contact her again.

I am just so upset for my husband. His birth Mother lives alone partner died last year, she didn't go on to have more children. I would have thought she would have jumped at the idea if reconnecting with her only child sad

Kr1stina Sat 13-Aug-16 02:50:45

I'm sorry to hear this. But it might just be the shock and she could change her mind later . Aftre all, I'm guessing it's taken your husband years to decide to trace her , she it's understandable that it might take her longer than a few minutes phone call.

But even if she doesn't, at least you have tried . Did she give you any useful information about the circumstances surrounding his birth and adoption ? Is you DH ok with that ?

Beammeup11 Sat 13-Aug-16 06:30:07

We are hoping she will change her mind. We did get some useful medical information to watch out in the future. Didn't ask any of the details surrounding the adoption, didn't like to ask. I spent most of the call reassuring her and thanking her.

Apparently she is retiring overseas shortly, her final words were "have a good life" so it seemed pretty final sad

Anyway I really do believe it is her loss, she has no family and sounded quite lonely. She had our number but we don't expect a call.

ComedyBoobs Sun 14-Aug-16 15:56:50

I think you have to respect her wishes, as difficult as that might be.
It's good that you got the medical info though.
You sound like you have been very sensitive with regard to her needs, which is good. I'm adopted & traced my birth parents. It's a bit of a roller-coaster of emotions.

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