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Taking in DCs sibling ?

(8 Posts)
Adoptionagain Tue 12-Jul-16 21:18:07

Apologies if its too vague I'm trying to make it unidentifiable. Just wondering if anyone has any advice or has been through the same thing.

We (DH and I) adopted twins about a year and a half ago. They were a family friends DCs.
We were told the other day that she is pregnant again and she won't be allowed to keep the DC.
If was suggested that we should consider taking this DC in as well when the baby is born.

We are torn, there are the practicalities to consider. As well as the twins we have another DC from a previous relationship so we would have to get a bigger car as well as the expenses of an extra child. Also we already have our hands full with two nearly two year olds and our older DC.
On the other hand this is our twins sibling who we could offer a nice life too and who I'm sure we would love as much as our current DCs. We have been given a property by DHs grandfather which we are renovating so we will have plenty of space for an extra DC.

So I am hoping someone has some advice or previous experience please and help us puzzle through everything.

SPARKLYSTARSHINESBRIGHT Tue 12-Jul-16 22:29:27

Will the mother continue having children? Where do you draw the line. Yes it would be a shame to split the siblings up but she could well go on to have more children. I suppose it's up to you how you feel about taking on another child which would be a demanding baby/ toddler initially.

Themoleandcrew Tue 12-Jul-16 22:48:50

We adopted the sibling of our children. We had a long think about it and decided it was the right thing to do. BM has since had another child who we decided we could not adopt. It was heartbreaking but we had to do what was best for our existing children.

Kr1stina Wed 13-Jul-16 14:20:26

A newborn, 2 yo twins and an older child is a HUGE amont of work . Especially if one or both of you are renovating a house and holding down a job .

You need to think really carefully if this is the right thing for your family. You woudl have a lot less time for your twins and older child.

I understand you have space and love enough for another child, but you might not have the time and the energy without short changing your other kids . It's a quality of life issue for you all .

If you don't take this baby , there are families approved and waiting right now - he or she could have parents with no other children or with only one older child already at school, who could perhaps take in a subsequent child if one comes along. .

You could probably arrange with SS to have face to face contact between your twins and their bio sibling / half sibling , if that was something you think they would benefit from . Once the child was adopted it would be up to the parents of course .

I'm guessing that the bio mum has addictions or mental health problems or learning difficulties and I'm sure you know this can have lasting effects on the children . Your twins are too young yet for you to see any effect , but if there are issues for them you will have your hand full dealing with them .

Taking on a third child with potentially SN woudl be quite a big challenge .

I'm sorry if this sounds very negative, but I'm trying to be realistic . I'm saying this as someone with a large family and several with SN.

Adoptionagain Wed 13-Jul-16 19:32:15

Thank you for replying

Realistic is good we need to really consider if this is the best for everyone involved.
We hadn't considered what would happen if she had more DCs.

tldr Wed 13-Jul-16 19:56:23

Also keep in mind that you are in no way obligated.

pleasemothermay1 Wed 13-Jul-16 20:59:57

I think you need to have a think about were you draw the line so if you take on this child then you need to make it clear that's the line and no more

The children are two now however by the time it's born and the legal stuff has happed they will be 3 I assume they have 15 hours free

I would be asking what support money wise and practical are they willing to give

Possibly pay for a few hour more at nursey or adoption support or settling in grant or towards a new car help first ask what are they offering

Its a lot but it can be done

Kr1stina Thu 14-Jul-16 12:21:06

Please mother makes a good point about nursery . But 2.5 hours a day isn't going to make a massive difference out of 24 hours .

Most mums use it to go to the supermarket / doctors / dentist / run errands / do housework with fewer children around , or in the OPs she will be dealing with tradespeople ,, doing accounts and visiting the builder merchants .

She not going to be sitting with her feet up, looking for things to do .

Another consideration is that many adopted children struggle with childcare and parents often don't take up all of their 15 hours

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