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Finding Dory - Adoption review

(18 Posts)
Italiangreyhound Sun 23-Oct-16 12:37:44

Went to see Storks.

Brilliant film but heavy on the child separated from their 'real family'.

Don't think DS was worried but good to be aware.

PoppyStellar Wed 07-Sep-16 23:19:11

I agree, I think it very much depends on the individual child, and I can certainly appreciate it could trigger very powerful feelings relating to losing family.

In my case DD interpreted it as losing me, and was clearly feeling secure enough at the point she watched it (and I know she doesn't always feel this secure) to equate Dory losing family with losing me in the context of getting lost in the park or a shop or something. This may be due to her having been with me for many years now. Certainly more of her life has been with me than with any previous carers including birth family. This may be why my DD took it at face value, but who knows!

However, fwiw I appreciated going to watch the film armed with the knowledge it might trigger some very difficult emotions for my DD. it doesn't appear to have done for her, but I totally get that it has the potential to do so.

I would always rather know about something that might be a big trigger than go to watch a film 'blind' and be totally unprepared for the impact it will have, so i very much appreciated the 'heads up' on the film.

bostonkremekrazy Wed 07-Sep-16 20:09:31

i think though because there is no talk of birth parents or adoptive parents it is completely open to interpretation.

dory isn't lost from her 'birth parents' - she is lost from her mum & dad.

every child will interpret that in a different way .

for us it was really important that we went to the cinema without our AC and watched it, after all the hype, all the bad reviews etc we were so surprised that actually for our AC we do not forsee it being a huge deal.

i agree it could be triggering - and clearly some children have struggled with it, but we've made a decision to use the story if needed as 'if you ever wandered off, or got lost in a crowd etc, we would always always find you'

and yes, we are also 8 years down the road, and our AC are older now, so maybe it also depends how far into the adoption journey the child is.
I dare say if our AC were only a year in, and maybe 5 or 6 then we wouldn't even contemplate letting them watch it - but at 9 & 11 they are desperate to go see it and so we said we'd check it out for them.

Italiangreyhound Wed 07-Sep-16 16:50:55

how old not hold!

Italiangreyhound Wed 07-Sep-16 16:50:06

But bostonkremekrazy and PoppyStellar it is not her adopted parents that Dory is lost from it is her birth parents. I think that is why some adopters were worried it would trigger things.

My ds is not generally worried by films with adoption themes, which is great, but I have seen several people mention that this is one specifically which might be not good for adopted children because it is Dory's 'fault' that she loses her family because of her poor memory.

Adoption child may think it is also their 'fault' they were removed from birth family. I guess it is also an issue slightly dependent on hold on the adopted child is.

Surely the idea that "...her parents spent their lives waiting for her to return..." Could be triggering for some children imagining their birth parents lives on hold awaiting for their return.

UnderTheNameOfSanders Wed 07-Sep-16 14:37:35

I took AD2 age 11. She was fine with it. I, on the other hand ...

Cabawill Tue 06-Sep-16 20:24:32

Went to watch this with my 2 (5&7) and it was fine. My DD does like to talk through the theme of the films and The BFG seemed to see her talk more about the theme of adoption than Dory which made her think more about being forgetful.

Mrsmagoo22 Tue 06-Sep-16 19:53:52

Went to see this with dd (7) last week and have to say it really triggered some deep emotions for her. Watched most of the others (tangled, frozen, jungle book, snow white)and she was fine.
Stopped eating her treats and sat on my knee.
Arrived home, straight to her room. Went up after 20mins or so and was writing letter to Bm. We cant actually send them but encourage her to do this if and when she feels like it.
Lots of tears, hugs and we talked and thats why i think it was good i took her. She was able to tell me how she was feeling.

PoppyStellar Tue 06-Sep-16 12:44:52

Totally agree with boston and DDs response to film was 'I would always look for you Mummy and you would always look for me'. She seemed to take it very much at face value. I was expecting adoption to be more explicit to they story from the website reviews and was pleasantly surprised it wasn't.

bostonkremekrazy Tue 06-Sep-16 10:39:32

I went to watch it with my BC this week - i thought it was fine - no references at all to adoption.
the main theme is that dory has short term memory loss and got lost. her parents spent their lives waiting for her to return....dory somehow remembers slowly - some flashbacks - and finds her way back to them.

my dh and i felt that we would let our AC see it.....any explanations would be like us saying if you ever got lost we would of course spend our whole lives looking for you.

pleasemothermay1 Tue 06-Sep-16 09:57:12

My daughter loves

Peabody & Sherman

PoppyStellar Tue 06-Sep-16 00:19:22

We went to watch it and it didn't seem to bring up any issues either (mine was more interested in the otters and the sweets she was working her way through) but it was good to be forewarned. Forewarned is forearmed and all that smile

shoebedo434 Mon 05-Sep-16 22:51:26

my son is adopted (he is 4) and it didn't bother him one bit, he was more interested in Nemo lol

bsmirched Sat 23-Jul-16 18:28:42

Another article here:

PoppyStellar Thu 23-Jun-16 23:21:06

Thanks very much for posting this. Wasn't aware of the storyline and as DD loves Finding Nemo and is keen to watch this as well, it's good to know.

Like italian mine loves Tangled, Jungle Book, Snow White, etc, all the usual ones that could be a trigger and they don't appear to be (yet) but who knows.

She also absolutely loves Mr Peabody and Sherman which is very explicitly about adoption. I think she would have quite liked to have been adopted by a talking dog... smile

Italiangreyhound Thu 23-Jun-16 22:10:01

Almost every child's film contains a sort of orphan, lost child story.

From Finding Nemo, to Paddington, to Frozen, to The Jungle Book to Tangled.

It's worth knowing what will come up and being aware.

My ds is adopted (he came to us aged 3, now 5) and he has not had a problem with most of these films, in fact he loved Tangled (he's not seen Jungle Book because it is too scary for him - the new version).

Good to keep a record of these films.

Zootropolos is fabulous and is one of the few films I've seen that doesn't have these themes.

tldr Thu 23-Jun-16 18:48:05

Oh thanks! Really helpful. I think we may also wait.

gabsdot Thu 23-Jun-16 18:07:24

I think in our family we might give this a miss or wait and watch it on DVD so we can stop and talk during the film if needed.

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