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Any hope of adoption when NC members of your family have committed serious crime?

(11 Posts)
FuckMyWholeFamily Wed 22-Jun-16 15:48:57

Namechanged as there are elements of this that I don't want associating with my normal account.

Don't want to go in to full detail as it's bloody long but basically ttc is not going well and DP and I are starting to look in to adoption however I have read on the .gov page about adoption that you cannot adopt if an adult member of your family has committed a serious offence. Two of mine have. However I have had no contact with them for many years. Left when I was 18, got a degree, have a professional career, steady relationship, decent income and importantly I haven't seen my family in a long time. I realised at a very young age that they're not good people and so made it my sole aim to escape and build a better life and now I'm in a place where I could give a child a good home but I feel like my family have finally caught up with me and scuppered it.

Is there any chance that I could make a case as to why I would still be a good candidate? I just feel so heartbroken and bereft right now

tldr Wed 22-Jun-16 15:59:15

If you're not in touch with them, it shouldn't matter.

researchbookworm Wed 22-Jun-16 16:37:38

In some ways this could be seen as a strength. Although I'm sure SW would want to discuss this fully with you and be sure that you are adjusted to the situation and that it couldn't pose a threat to any child you adopted, ultimately it could really help you empathise with a child who might come from a birth family with similar issues.
I would def enquire with your nearest agency and not assume that this would write you off. Good luck!

FuckMyWholeFamily Wed 22-Jun-16 17:10:36

Thank you both for replying.

Research that's why I want to adopt over getting IVF, I think that my experiences give me some insight in to what it's like to come from a chaotic family background and I think I can offer something positive.

I really don't think they could pose any threat, very few of them know how to contact me and any child whether my own bio child or adopted would have no contact with them either just because I don't but would have a very loving and supportive extended family on DP's side.

I won't write it off just yet, hopefully an agency or LA can talk me through the process and my particular issues before starting any paperwork officially.

Thank you

Hels20 Wed 22-Jun-16 20:10:36

I always thought the ban on serious criminality applied to you and your partner (and of course any person living in your house). I would have thought that anyone else wouldn't register - and how would they know? They only do a DBS check on the applicants and adults living in house.

Italiangreyhound Wed 22-Jun-16 20:12:21

FMWF I think you will have lots to offer and this will not be a problem, but, have you considered having children biologically? If you can't that is fine, of course, but if you can or might be able to then social workers will want to know you have really worked through this.

Please ask if you want to know more.

InsufficientlyCaffeinated Thu 23-Jun-16 09:45:30

Hels the .gov page says family which I interpreted as immediate relations. If it is just within your house we'll be fine! The text should really change to household though rather than family to stop confusion!

Italian Have been attempting to conceive bio children for a while now and it's looking increasingly unlikely without intervention. I'm at the very early stages of considering other options right now as you can probably tell by my lack of knowledge, I just don't want to fail at the first hurdle if I do go down the adoption route.

If my options are IVF or adoption then my preference would be adoption just because I think I can offer a child from a difficult background a lot of empathy and also turn a hard situation of fertility problems in to a chance to do something good. Do you think a SW would be happy with that reasoning?

I will speak to an agency and/or LA to at least see if I would be eligible. I know my LA does open evenings for those at the early stages of considering adoption

FuckMyWholeFamily Thu 23-Jun-16 09:48:15

FFS namechange fail there. Never mind. Only changed as I originally went in to great detail about nature of said crimes but then decided it wasn't really necessary.

tldr Thu 23-Jun-16 09:52:25

Yes, a SW should be happy with that. They only want to know really that youve considered and discarded the idea or grieved/moved on from ttc/bio children. Partly so you're not wasting their time but also so you won't get an adopted child home and not be able to love it.

There's lots of posters here who didn't do fertility treatment, preferring to adopt instead.

SpookyRachel Thu 23-Jun-16 13:12:34

FMWF - it shouldn't be a problem. The SW will want to discuss it in depth with you for two reasons:

1. To be sure any child won't be exposed to dangerous people or behaviours. If you have been NC for a long time that should be fine.

2. To investigate the impact on YOU of having lived with this, and whether it has made you either over-sensitised to or numb to certain behaviours. For example, will you be triggered if the child's has a similar sort of background, or will you be able to discuss it with him/her calmly and reassuringly and without projecting your own experience in?

SWs generally welcome any evidence of how adverse life experiences have been you more resourceful, resilient and adaptable. And there are advantages. My dd is struggling to process her birth parents' criminal histories, and I think it is helpful that I have a fair few bad 'uns in my extended family - not that I can tell her all about that (yet) but I can tell her enough to reassure her that she is not alone in this and it doesn't write a script for her.

MintyLizzy9 Thu 23-Jun-16 20:47:14

from my personal experience it wasn't a problem at all as I have no contact with said relative and have no desire to!

It was a brief conversation with my SW as part of home study and she didn't even bat an eyelid. I suspect it's very common!

I remember at an info evening I went to when trying to pick an agency and someone there went into lots of detail about her ex husbands colourful and varied criminal life and she was told the same, if they are no longer in your life then it's not an issue.

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