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28 days notice... not realistic??

(15 Posts)
tinks269 Fri 17-Jun-16 20:30:33

OK so in my heart I already know the answer to this problem. Since starting the process I have read many websites and had conversations about this with our social worker however when having a conversation with my boss earlier today I was not confident enough to say that she was wrong.
So please assure me that my understanding of when we give notice to go on adoption leave is correct.

As I understand it we are meant to give 28 days prior to placement but after matching panel but as this is hardly ever possible we have to give written notice as soon as possible after the recommendation at matching panel is ratified.

If this is correct can we (my husband works in the same place as I do) be turned down for going on adoption leave? I was told today that it wasn't really an ideal time and a couple of weeks later would be much better! We are adopting an older child and are trying to get him placed at ours before school ends for the summer so that we can go and visit the school together and possibly get him in for a couple of fun mornings afternoons etc so that he knows the school, pupils and is not worrying about starting school in September for the whole summer holiday.

As I said I think I already know the answer but as we are at matching panel on Monday and think we will be starting introductions the week after I am having a bit of a panic (being medicated by wine).

UnderTheNameOfSanders Fri 17-Jun-16 20:57:40

I believe you tell work and then go. They don't get to veto.

(They wouldn't tell a pregnant lady to delay giving birth would they?)

UnderTheNameOfSanders Fri 17-Jun-16 20:59:21

Just tell them that you are sorry it is inconvenient, but the needs of the child must come first.

tinks269 Fri 17-Jun-16 21:08:00

We have both been very up front with what was happening, what will happen and time scales. We even let them know when introductions might start without actually getting this confirmed as we want to give them as much notice as possible to cover us. To be honest the timing for me work wise is horrific but my priority, as you say, is now our son.
I guess we will find out on Monday but at least one person agrees with my thinking. And as you say if I was pregnant the conversation I had would not have even taken place.

UnderTheNameOfSanders Fri 17-Jun-16 21:25:25

My DH and I also worked at the same place.

It was some time ago, and the rules may have changed, but I think that I as the main carer could start adoption leave before placement, but DH couldn't take his 2 weeks 'parental leave' until after placement so had to use holiday for introductions.

Our intros were 4 weeks (!) but not full on for the first 2.5 weeks, so DH worked 'flexibly' going in to work when he could, and I had some sessions just with AD2 while AD1 was at school to mirror what it would be like after placement.

UnderTheNameOfSanders Fri 17-Jun-16 21:28:46

Doing some bits at the new school sounds like a great plan. He might make some friends which will be nice if they are at the local park or whatever. It will help you start in September too without feeling like a 'new girl'. What year group? My AD1 was towards the end of y3 when placed.

Italiangreyhound Sat 18-Jun-16 00:26:57

Congratulations Tinks.

We warned our work places that we would get very little notice, and they were aware we were on a journey towards adoption. Babies can come as early as 25 to 30 weeks and of course no one would suggest a pregnant women would be able to postpone the birth because it would be better for work.

There are some awful employers and I am sure your employer doesn't want to be one of them!

www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/sports-direct-worker-gave-birth-8131408

Just stick to your guns, don't talk about what is best for you, just keep up your mantra, 'this is best for our new son, the social workers have confirmed it.'

I'd never delay something really important to suit other people. If you end up with just one more week of work just cram all the things in you can do and leave really good notes.

Good luck.

tldr Sat 18-Jun-16 00:34:03

From memory, the 28 days thing is notice, but the leave starts when it starts, which is separate. I think the leave can't start til 10 days before placement or something like that, so really, it only just covers intros.

So, as I remember/understand you can give them notice now, but you won't be able to start leave til after MP/intros.

And it's inconvenient but tough shit to them. grin

OlennasWimple Sat 18-Jun-16 02:59:44

I gave more notice with my adopted child (about a month) than my birth child (premature labour, not due to go on mat leave for another two weeks)...

tinks269 Sat 18-Jun-16 07:57:36

ItalianGreyhound we will not change dates as we know what is best for our son and have discussed it at length.

underthenameofsaunders the placing sw wanted introductions to be all done and dusted within a week. We have manged to extend this as we were not happy with this.

Without giving too much away we work in a school and so we have summer holidays coming up. There is a lot going on in school and yes i agree that this isnt the best time for the school or us BUT it is the best tie for our son and so everyone else will just have to suck it up. Our problem is that as unnderthenameofsaunders says my DH is not entitled to leave till placement and he can not take holiday. I'm sure it will sort it's self out but I was just so stunned that someone who we have been open and honest with, and who has been so excited for us, would turn round and suggest that they could delay our son coming home.

Thank you I feel much calmer as what I thought was the case is so. Hope you all have a lovely weekend.

tinks269 Sat 18-Jun-16 07:59:50

underthenameofsaunders our son is right at the end of year 2. So a little younger than your little one when placed. As you say our hope is that he will meet some children who he may then bump into during the holidays and won't feel as apprehensive about starting a new school come September.

MintyLizzy9 Sat 18-Jun-16 22:25:49

Hi, congrats!

Can you both take shared leave at the start, so you would maybe have a couple of weeks shaved off your total leave (as the primary career) but your husband would take it instead of paternity leave. You can share leave and take it at the same time. Check your policy re notice for shared leave but it may work if your employer is being awkward. You can start adoption leave up to 14 days (from memory) prior to placement so it could work well for intros.

The wording for the notice is something like 28 days or less if not possible.

Exciting times ahead for you all flowers

leaveamessageatthetone Sun 19-Jun-16 00:11:13

I remember reading (maybe on the .gov website or ACAS??) that it was 28 days notice or immediately after official confirmation was received. It seemed that they allowed for a smaller window of time, but 28 days was the ideal (but totally unrealistic really).
I've heard of workplaces accepting written confirmation of intro dates from SW in advance of the matching certificate, then just receiving that when it comes through. Really it's in their best interests to listen to you re. dates etc, as a PP has mentioned - they don't get to veto it so they're not helping themselves if they insist on the matching certificate!

mamoosh Mon 20-Jun-16 18:40:48

In a similar position, am self employed for a handful of different people and I have been warning them that this might happen since about a year before we even got to panel. Most are being supportive but one is hovering over me asking "any news yet" about the work I have pre booked in a concerned-but-anxious kind of way. We are adopting from abroad so it's even more difficult to predict.

I did use the analogy that if I was pregnant and went into labour at 30 weeks then they would have to just cope. Normally I am a person that goes overboard on pleasing employers but I do think this is a time of life to be completely selfish for you and your child. Pregnant women go off all the time with little and big emergencies.

You already know in your heart that you won't stay a few more weeks at work sweating over the fax machine while missing the chance of sorting out your child's school placement. You'd probably walk out anyway.

Just send your boss an email saying that, since the meeting, you've had a look at the guidelines again with your SW and this is how it's hanging.

dimples76 Mon 20-Jun-16 22:10:43

Hi

My work's employment policy said 28 days' notice so I gave 28 days' notice before MP explaining that nothing was confirmed until MP's decision was ratified. That worked for me and I finished work two days' after MP and then started intros the next working day after that. I just looked at the form I used and it had on it:

I have attached my matching certificate to confirm my expected week of placement

Or

I will send to you my matching certificate which will confirm my expected week of placement.*

I know that doesn't help you as MP is on Monday but I thought I would mention it in case others find it helps them

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