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First letterbox

(6 Posts)
raggydolls22 Thu 02-Jun-16 15:18:05

I'm currently writing my first letter to birth mum and I've written loads about LO which is fine but I'm trying to include some questions for birth mum in the hope of her having some prompts when she is replying to us, as I'm conscious of how hard it will be for her knowing what to include, compared to how easy it is for me to waffle on about LO! I think so far all I've asked is are you left/right handed? Do you still enjoy the same hobbies as when we met up? There's parts where I've written about LO loving books and about the holidays we've been on which would naturally lend themselves to asking birth mum about books she likes or holidays she's been on but I'm acutely aware that it's likely she does neither of these things in which case it feels best to leave those questions out. What do people think? And does anyone have any suggestions for questions I might include?
Thanks very much

MypocketsarelikeNarnia Thu 02-Jun-16 18:36:47

It's tricky isn't it? I think everyone can dredge up an answer to favourite food/music or a pet you had (or wanted) when you were young? And I suppose if you ask enough questions you might get something your lo can relate to which is the point innit?

We have a favourite biscuit in common - which is both nice to know and maybe a bit tragic...

UnderTheNameOfSanders Thu 02-Jun-16 21:35:19

I know you didn't ask this but I'll say it anyway, feel free to ignore. We've been doing letter box for around 9 years.

When you say you have 'written loads', how much is that?

It is easier in the first flush of excitement to gush on, but you may want to consider whether the volume and detail are sustainable in future lessons. You may not want to set up unrealistic expectations for the future.

I took a decision from the start to write 1 page of typed covering both my DC. We generally talk about health, interests, milestones reached, education, holidays, some character, and some emotional well being where relevant. Not everything every time, but we do write twice per year.

I haven't tended to ask questions outright, but do put things like 'I hope you job is going well' which of course is still actually hoping for an answer. Because our BP gets help writing things we mention tend to get picked up in replies, but I guess this may be unusual.


raggydolls22 Fri 03-Jun-16 18:48:59

Thanks for both your replies. Any advice is much appreciated.
sanders I haven't actually written the letter out in full yet, just doing a rough draft in an a5 notebook so don't know how much I've written in typed a4 but a side of a4 does sound like a good idea, then again our letterbox is only once a year so maybe a bit more would be fine.
I appreciate your comment about keeping it up, our LO is only young so changed loads over the space of a year which gave us lots to write but maybe as she gets older it might become trickier.
Its definitely given me things to think about.

RatherBeIndoors Fri 03-Jun-16 20:13:15

Sometimes I try and ask questions related to the far past, rather than the present: so instead of books BM likes now, asking if there is a book they remember liking when they were a child, IYSWIM?

The only other advice I was given about writing these was to only include things that were resolved, because it's a long gap between letters and you don't want to accidentally leave them worrying. So, X fell out of a climbing frame and broke their arm but it healed brilliantly and you'd never know when you see them climb now, rather than X seems to have a sore arm and we're waiting for some test results... It feels sensible, and also means I don't have to remember to update on the precise same issues in the next letter, as they might not be on my mind by that time.

UnderTheNameOfSanders Fri 03-Jun-16 20:25:34

Agree re. only writing on resolved things.

Also only things that have happened, not future things (in case something occurs and they get cancelled).

Also writing honestly but with a positive spin. So 'Tim finds playing with others nicely hard, but we are working with the school and he is improving' rather than 'Tim keeps getting in to trouble for hitting others'.

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