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How to explain no photo rule

(11 Posts)
Wendystillflies Sat 28-May-16 12:07:19

Since adopting we have always refused permission for school etc to take photos of our DC. This is becoming a bit of an issue now as they are in yr 2 and 3 and are starting to stand out amongst peers because if this. They have asked why they can't have their photo taken with classmates and we've explained it as not wanting their picture in the internet but haven't said why. How have others explained this without scaring the child/ten? Any advice welcomesmile

Kr1stina Sat 28-May-16 18:20:03

We allow school photos as long as they do not name the child on the website . Most schools don't do this - they just say " jane in year 2 won first prize at sports day " along with photo.

We allow class photos too.

I guess it depends on the level of risk you and your child face . Has someone made credible threats to you or your child? Does someone close have a serious criminal record of violence ?

How old was your child when placed and how old are they now ?

How far away do birth family live and do they know where you live ?

Do you have reason to think they might anduct or threaten your children ?

I don't mean you should post the answers here , I mean these are issues you should consider. There's not one answer for every adoptive family.

Kr1stina Sat 28-May-16 18:22:57

Do your children have unusual first names that might identify them as a pair ? If they are siblings called Primcess and Heaven - Lea they will be quite Google able

Wendystillflies Sun 29-May-16 08:18:04

Thanks for the responses. We are looking at whether to relax it a bit but don't feel comfortable not having any restrictions. The issue for us is how to explain it to the children without causing anxiety.

Emochild Sun 29-May-16 08:23:23

Most schools have different levels of permission -it's not an all or nothing situation

If you give permission for photos to be taken in the classroom for displays etc, but not to be displayed on the website, then there is no reason for the children to know they are any different to their peers

Teachers are very good at sending children on errands if a whole class photo is needed for a website so hardly ever

Kr1stina Sun 29-May-16 09:29:10

Yes, emo said it better than me . If you are able to relax your policy a bit then you don't have to explain it to the children at all . We have never discussed it with ours .

UnderTheNameOfSanders Sun 29-May-16 19:57:11

With us we do roughly this:
- we say that BPs don't know where we live and we could be at the other end of the country and we'd like it to stay like that
- we say BM could be upset if she accidentally came across their photo so it wouldn't be a good idea
- we say BF could cause trouble and crossness if he knew where we are so it isn't a good idea because although they would be safe we don't want trouble and crossness.

We don't allow photos on internet or newsletters (which also go on school website) or in papers.
We do allow photos for in-school use and for class photos that go home to parents.
School allows pictures at school shows but asks not to go on facebook if contains other children. We are happy with this. We have not (knowingly) had parents posting pictures of our DDs. Parents in DDs class generally know they are adopted which probably helps this issue.

School is good and generally manages this well. On some occasions DD has to sit out photos, but she isn't the only one. On other occasions they position her on the edge then crop her off the picture they publish.

Wendystillflies Sun 29-May-16 20:23:45

That's really helpful Sanders. Thank yousmile Our school are a bit all or nothing and there doesn't seem to be others in the same position so it can be tricky.

UnderTheNameOfSanders Sun 29-May-16 20:35:20

All or nothing seems a bit crazy.

Any photos being 'published' go via the school office who have lists of children on restricted photos.
I always personally make sure the class teacher knows about no photos so they don't accidentally include DD in a photo they are planning to publish.

They really should be able to manage asking for in school use and external publication separately. I'd be very surprised at anyone refusing in school use permission.

Can you talk to them about how your DC feel different enough already and that school should be supporting inclusiveness whilst keeping them safe?

Threesocksnohairbrush Sun 29-May-16 23:19:39

Gosh yes, agree with sanders. My DDs school take endless photos of her and her classmates for the 'what we've been doing' board outside the classroom, her work books, to slip into a Christmas card post nativity play. They still manage to get their heads round the idea that she can't be in a photo that will be made publically available outside the school. It's not rocket science.

Have a chat with the Head or the safeguarding lead (there will be a teacher and governor with a lead role). Perfectly reasonable to expect that your DC should be kept safe, but for that to mean the minimum of exclusion for them.

Wendystillflies Mon 30-May-16 12:28:15

Thanks Threesocks. I think a conversation with the Head will alleviate the feeling different bit.

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