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Sleep

(5 Posts)
Mrscollydog Mon 16-May-16 23:49:50

I have posyed about this before but 3 months in and sleep is still TERRIBLE!
Our lovely happy daughter (21 months) who will sleep like a beautiful peaceful angel in the cot during the day for naps disappears at night.
We get crying out, screaming and thrashing about. In 12 weeks we have 2-3 nights that aren't terrible. Will it get better? Please tell me it will? Thank god DS sleeps like a log so have at least one happy child.
Co sleeping works to a point but the dreams still come thick and fast. We have a great routine re bedtime and naps and our bond is building day by day and attachment too.
Just need a glimmer of hope, a light at the end of the tunnel! Don't care how long it takes just need hope!

tldr Mon 16-May-16 23:57:18

My (much older) LO took about 4 months to get back to good sleep routine.

Things that helped:
Light on/night light
Door open
TV/voices
Tucking her in when she was quiet, vigorously enough that she knew we were there
Taking photos of her sleeping and showing them to her in the morning (these last two were just to show her we were 'looking after' her even whilst she slept).

marmeemarch1 Tue 17-May-16 09:43:24

Hi

We had long nights like these with my youngest dd who was about the same age when she was placed with us. We co slept for four months, she was terrified to get into her cot at night and we gave up on that altogether in the end and put her in a toddler bed with side rails. We laid with her to get to sleep for about 6 months.

Do you think they're dreams or night terrors? She must be terrified. Here is a link to a website we found really helpful.

http://www.ahaparenting.com/Default.aspx?SiteSearchID=1960&PageID=1696425

One thing I was told was that at a young age they would find it hard to work out why you weren't there if you were there when they went off to sleep. So I really believe in co-sleeping. I know it feels like it's going on forever when you are tired. Here is a link to a blog post I wrote now we have a more successful sleep pattern.

https://adoptingsiblingsblog.wordpress.com/2016/05/03/sleep/

It will get better. I hope this helps

RatherBeIndoors Tue 17-May-16 10:01:43

I've been where you are! I posted last time under a different NN, with a lot of sympathy flowers

By 12 weeks I was nearly insane with lack of sleep. It is horrible. It DOES get better. (Slight disclaimer: I am assuming no long-term physical conditions preventing sleep here...)

I can't actually remember the point when it improved, but I do remember suddenly realising I was moaning about a single bad night that happened, rather than getting down on my knees and giving thanks for a single good night - so at some stage the balance just tipped, if you see what I mean. It's going to be different for everyone, but I think it was about 6-9 months in. It was definitely a LOT better by 12 months. Any upsets do set us back still in terms of sleep, but they tend to cause one or two nights' disruption, and then order is more or less restored.

Whatever you're doing, I would say just keep doing it consistently, because I think the only thing that really has an impact is repetition - the continuity of going whenever she calls, soothing, rocking, re-settling (and then doing it all over again half an hour later <weeps>. White noise helped us a bit (a fan) as did an aromatherapy diffuser (in the living room for an hour before bedtime). The "usual" tips on improving children's sleep made absolutely sod all difference for us (getting them physically exhausted during the day, regular bath-time etc) because the sleep disturbance was emotional/psychological, not physical. In fact, getting LO physically shattered was actually worse, because they would conk out at bedtime, and then wake up in double the distress a few hours later as soon as their body had semi-recovered, when their brain seemed to go into over-drive. I just say this so you can feel free to ignore other people's advice if it doesn't feel right to you!

I grew to thinking of it as basically being on night shifts while LO was this disturbed at night. That helped me because it stopped me thinking I was going to be able to function very much during the day, and I dropped my expectations accordingly! Everyone was clean, fed, and safe. Not very much else happened TBH grin << that's the manic grin of a desperate woman... We did the basics, grocery shopped etc, and we went for little walks. We lived a very quiet life, with visitors coming in for coffee sometimes, all low-key. It was really the only way I could cope on so little sleep, and on dealing with such intense emotions that were so difficult to comfort.

Beachylady Tue 17-May-16 13:23:16

Our 20 month old son was placed with us two months ago and we have also had lots of yelping, crying and thrashing around at night - him and not us! I don't think cosleeping is going to work for us but we do have him in a cot in our room which has made life a bit easier. Often he's not really awake so just a "shush shush" or "mummy's here" can be enough to settle him - and I can do that without even getting out of bed. I think the reassurance of knowing we're there is enough to give comfort.

I hope your nights soon improve!

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