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Reconciling different attitudes towards adoption

(9 Posts)
PlayingGrownUp Sun 15-May-16 13:19:56

Basically I would sell my soul to adopt but DP doesn't see the point as we could have our own. Any one with any experience in a couple having different opinions?

springtimevintagedream Sun 15-May-16 14:23:18

Whoever do you want to adopt so desperately, assuming you have no fertility issues?

springtimevintagedream Sun 15-May-16 14:23:31


Cleo1303 Mon 16-May-16 11:49:20

Have you done any research into adoption? Your DP might not want to be involved in all the intrusion by SWs it involves.

MintyLizzy9 Mon 16-May-16 14:02:07

Adoption is a first choice for many people, myself included.

Sorry OP no advice as such as I was a single adopter but I will say the process is very very stressful (and very worth it in my opinion!) so I can't imagine you would get past the first couple of conversations with social workers unless you are both fully on board.

It's tough, challenging, heartbreaking and rewarding all rolled up together. Maybe if you both attend a few information evenings it will help you both come to a mutual decision when you have lots of info and the opportunity to ask lots of questions.

ChocolateJam Mon 16-May-16 18:10:55

Does it have to be either/or? You could choose to have a bio child and then explore adoption as a way to have a second child.

UnderTheNameOfSanders Mon 16-May-16 21:11:08

About 6 months after we ended IVF we looked in to adoption. DH wasn't keen. We spent a further year getting over infertility and talking about adoption before going to another information evening, and we progressed on from there.

Ultimately your DP needs to be on board too. For us the 'choice' was no family or adoption. If you can conceive yourselves you have a choice of conception and adoption. The former is much less intrusive and much less complicated (all things being equal).

Kr1stina Tue 17-May-16 23:32:41

You need to both be on board with whatever option you choose . Unfortunately there's no compromise here .

undersoap Wed 18-May-16 09:18:50

OP, I agree with PP who say that you and your DP both need to be on the same page. It's a tough decision and one that DH and I made after much soul searching, many conversations with each other and trusted friends. There's not heaps of literature out there on the experiences of people who choose adoption over birth children, but I'd be happy to chat if you want to PM me.

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