Hi Butterflymum!
I'm not naive or a charity case worker, and don't really know how to respond to any of the views above ( with a thick skin I think, as that's handy when you adopt!) We adopted our AC when my 2 BC were 4 and 2 years old. As you've already realised, you're coming at adoption from a slightly different position and perspective than many of the mainstay posters on this board, but that's certainly not to say you're naive, no.
We came to adoption because we thought we'd make good adopters- eek! There, I've said it. All of the reasons you talk about were my reasons too. Now I'm here, I'm not actually sure if I'm a good adopter or not (as my children are too young to comment), but like you, I enjoy being a parent, hugely.
something being a parent (prior to adoption) taught me was the importance of being a good ambassador and advocate for your child.Adopted children need this support and ability to fight their corner even more so. I like to see that I'm practising out on my BC,and by the time I get to my AC I'll be well versed. As an example, BC needed some extra support at school, I was in their chasing it up like a shot. I even joked with the teacher that you better get ready for my AC at school as I've got their backs even closer.
Advice we were once given ( by non adopter medical advisor prior to placement) was 'don't compare ' ( your children). Actually we're finding that comparing can be useful as we can identify better what's typical behaviour, and what's maybe not, and if our suspicions come true, we'll have identified these issues really very early ( and found intervention early too). Like you say, you're experienced- there is so much to be said for this.
'Prospective adopter guilt' is what I termed the way I felt during parts of training etc, as yes, I found the guilt of being able to have children biologically and yet adopting really difficult at times, but my LA insisted that they wouldnt have taken us on if they didn't think we would be the right family for one of their children. We were matched straightaway and we have now adopted ACs sibling too.
Have a think about exactly how many children you might want and whether you'd be prepared for a phone call about a sibling. Also think about what relationship your AC might have with their existing biological siblings ( if any), as these are relationships that your BC will be excluded from ( or likely not party to). Also know that birth families are always 'there' in some capacity, and again, there's issues around what you can share with older BC as its AC's story, so really AC should be first to know details as age appropriate.
I feel that it's maybe easier coming to adoption with 2bc ( than 1bc) in some respects, in that you know and accept as a parent that your children are different to each other, as you live that reality. Also, the Sw can see literally not hypothetically how you parent, how you discipline, how you cope with sibling rivalry, how you overcame hard times as a parent so far. For example, With our BC, one needed structure and routine to feel safe and in control, the other hated routine but needed more one-to-one at various points of the day to almost check in and release feelings. We knew from experience that we would have to work out what worked with AC, and that we'd parent all of our children differently. There's no one size fits all (and I enjoy that), and also as you'll know as a parent already, children change as they get older and what worked yesterday won't work today. I really enjoy rising to that crazy challenge.
Initially Sw liked the fact we had a big established network of friends ( lots of parents of our existing children, some happened to be adopters). This has proved really helpful, lots of support, but it has made our adoption very 'public' compared to others maybe, in that at school for example, the whole playground saw when my buggy gained a new face. I only had one parent ask me if I'd started child minding as word of mouth that we had adopted got round. i think there's been pros and cons of this for my children, but I guess that's a whole other can of worms for another day! ( please feel free to PM me butterflymum, happy to support you and share my experience)
I've lots more to say, especially about BC and adoption journey, reactions, emotions, (hormones-eek!,) hard times, good times. I haven't managed to find anything academic or otherwise that I can draw much comparison to myself in terms of reading, so I'm currently writing a book about our experience. It won't be a best seller or anything, but I really do feel that people with BC can bring so much to adoption too, please do Pm.
Hope this helps. X