Im afraid this will be long! The background: I was in a relationship with a man and became pregnant. He left me very quickly after we found out and had little contact throughout the pregnancy. I felt it was important to try to establish a relationship between him and dd and he had intermittent contact until dd was about 8 mo. Then he disappeared until she was 2 when he saw her again for a short time (twice a month for 2 hours at a time, for a few months). He's been awol for almost 3 years now.
I'm now married to a woman who dd sees as her other parent. She knows about her bio father but loves me and my wife and we are a happy family. Dd has contact with both mine and DW family but bio father's family aren't in contact (their choice).
I've just been diagnosed with a heart condition which leaves me at risk of sudden death. The thought of dying and a court forcing dd to live with my ex just destroys me. He is a fucking terrible human being who cares not one iota for dd (this has been shown time and again) but who takes pleasure in doing things to hurt other people. I dont want him to have any say in her life and if I'm not around I can't protect her from him.
Because I am a bloody idiot who thought I was doing the right thing I had him put on the birth certificate so he has parental responsibility, legally.
DW would like to adopt dd so that only she and me would be DD's parents. This would be, as far as I'm concerned, just formalising the situation. It would also make us feel secure that if I died dd would be cared for by family who love her.
Has anyone adopted their stepchild in similar(ish) circumstances?
My worries are that he would refuse to give permission just to be difficult and then go on to cause more problems for us. As much as I'd like him to be out of our lives for good it does feel safe not drawing attention to ourselves.
Also, what if he gave the court some sob story and managed to convince them he wanted contact and they granted him a contact order. He is fully capable of putting himself to considerable inconvenience to cause trouble for us, so this is a real fear.
How likely would we be to be granted the adoption order? Would the fact that he's been totally absent for most of her life and she has a stable and loving home be enough? I want to believe yes but I'm fearing no.
Any help, advice or experience will be gratefully received. If you've made it this far, thank you :)
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Adopting a stepchild - any experiences?
6 replies
girlwithagruffalotattoo · 30/03/2016 23:59
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