Book recommendations

[Candycoco]

Hello, I've been reading a lot on this board lately but have never posted, I hope it's ok for me to do so as my circumstances may be different to many of you.

I am a foster carer but am going to be assessed as a prospective adopter for a child in my care.

This child has been with me since birth, but I know that they still have experienced the loss of their birth family. So I'd like to do some reading up on this and how this might make parenting challenging/different in the future and how I could support them with this.

Also is there anything worth reading on the effects of substance misuse in pregnancy and what that might mean for the child in the future and how it could make parenting them different if there are any long term effects of that (which are currently unknown).

Lastly, if there is anything you recommend for me to read about adoption in general as a complete newbie! I'd be grateful to know what that is.

Thank you

[bedouincheek]

I have nothing to give, but hoping you get some advice. I am newly looking in to adoption, so hoping you get some answers good luck.

[poppystellar]

Hi Candy,

I am by no means an expert but there are a couple of books I have read since becoming an adoptive parent that were either practically helpful or just pleasingly reassuring.

'First steps in parenting the child who hurts' by Caroline Archer is a good easy to read book on the various issues adopted children may have as a result of their experiences. It was recommended to me by my social worker and I have gone back to it several times in the intervening years for help and advice.

The next book I have found really helpful is called 'The incredible years' this isn't specifically to do with adopted kids but I got given it on a parenting course I did post adoption and I found parts of it are really good plus it has lots of practical suggestions and stresses the importance of play (which is always a good thing I reckon!)

The final book I would recommend is an autobiography called 'instant mom' by Nia Vardalos (my big fat Greek wedding actress). It is the story of her and her husband's infertility, route to adoption and challenges and successes with their beautiful daughter. Lots of it isn't relevant to me as a single parent who hasn't gone through endless infertility treatment but it is lovely and heartfelt and moving in parts and was a nice antidote to all the stuffy textbook type books on adoption. Oh and the adoption uk magazines are a great source of info too. Definitely ask your social worker if your LA will pay for a subscription for a year. I think this may be standard practice across many LAs but I'm not sure.

I'm sorry I can't recommend any books specific to the effects of substance misuse, but there are lots of knowledgeable and lovely people on the adoption boards who will hopefully come along soon and be able to offer some suggestions.

[Candycoco]

Thanks bedou, hope you get some useful info too.

Poppy those sound great, will have a look on Amazon for them now. I think I'd definitely like a mix between the textbooks and personal stories so that one you mentioned sounds enjoyable, as I must say I don't read much these days so i need books that are easy to understand hopefully!

I've seen on Amazon some story books for helping children understand why they were adopted etc, but does anyone know of any books or information I could share with my birth dd who is 11 about adoption and the different scenarios we might face in the future, or how it is like having a sibling but is different at the same time, if that makes sense?
Thank you