Advanced search

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.


(11 Posts)
OurMiracle1106 Tue 08-Mar-16 09:43:42

I heard from the social worker yesterday that my birth sons adoptive parents do not want me to be able to keep the photos. I am now unsure whether just viewing them is going myself more harm than good as I can't keep them and I can't see him? What beneficial purpose does this have for anyone?

Kr1stina Tue 08-Mar-16 11:17:22

I'm sorry, that's very upsetting . I guess they are worried you will put them on social media . There have been cases of people posting children's photos as " stolen " or " missing " and asking people to tell them where they are .

I'm not suggesting for one minute that you would do that , but that's probably the reason for the request .

Can you ask the SW to discuss this with them? After all you have been very cop operative with everything so far and they have no reason to suspect you would do anything like that . Could you offer to sign a document saying that you agree not to post them on social media or anywhere on the Internet ?

thefamilyvonstrop Tue 08-Mar-16 15:19:36

I'm sorry miracle, that must be hugely disappointing and hurtful for you. As Kr1stina has said, it will more than likely be an effort to ensure privacy and confidentiality.
I agree, you have been cooperative throughout and offering assurances on this may help.
Good luck

Hels20 Tue 08-Mar-16 17:19:31

Hi Miracle. I agree that this has probably come from concerns about confidentiality - maybe they got freaked out by something they read generally (rather than specifically about you).

I would ask to chat it through with SS and if they are still insistent and you aren't sure whether or not you want to see the photos - ask them to keep them on file. You may feel differently in 6 months or a year.

fasparent Wed 09-Mar-16 11:58:26

There could be possible reasons in general too your self or any individual.
just a background photo on a wall which people could pan into, or others
who take such photo's who quite innocently post them.
As said people posted as missing engaging such orgs as the Salvation Army
too trace them, have experience this on a number of occasions having too explain too them , these are child protection issues and referring them too ss. Never the less did trace the children . Awesome!!!

newyear16 Wed 09-Mar-16 12:04:10

How can they prevent you from doing so? You can just lie

thefamilyvonstrop Wed 09-Mar-16 16:57:17

There will be a social worker present if / when miracle goes to view the photos.
It's not advisable to lie to social services and this is a very sensitive area - photos/letters are shared on the goodwill of both adopters and birth family and abusing this trust could have far reaching consequences for miracl

thefamilyvonstrop Wed 09-Mar-16 17:01:55

Miracle, just a thought - are the social workers (and therefore adoptive family) aware that birth father isn't in your life? I know you describe him as very unpleasant and there may be concern about him seeing pictures and identifying or tracking your son. I maintain some distance with my son's birth mum for that reason as I'm unsure how her relationship is at present with birth father and he is a risk to us.

newyear16 Wed 09-Mar-16 17:02:48

Sorry, I misunderstood. I thought the photos were owned by the birth parent and she was being asked to hand them over

Goingthroughnamechanges Fri 11-Mar-16 08:45:35

We're an adoptive family and have been asked to share photos with birth parents and even though my heart breaks for the birth family we aren't in a position to share the photos. I'm sorry you're going through this, as I'm sure it is awful for you, but in a digital age we aren't confident in sharing the photos and the risks of being later identified. Sending you hugs as it must be torture sad

Italiangreyhound Sun 13-Mar-16 00:36:31

I am really sorry about this miracle.

It's totally your call but I do feel it is worth it, for you, and one day, when you may have a chance to meet him again, for him too.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now