Giving my child up for adoption and questions?

[Kellis7383]

Hi
If you want to read my full post its in "pregnancy choices" I recently found out I'm pregnant and I'm 19 weeks with a little girl. I have seen an abortion clinic but I really feel I can't go through with this abortion when my baby is so developed and already has the parts that determine her sex :(

I won't go in to the reasons (can read on my previous thread if you want) but there are many and I know adoption is the best choice.

Please can someone who is knowledged on adoption or who has given their baby up for adoption awnser some questions. I know voluntary adoption in the uk is rare so struggling to find any information.

1: who do I ask about this? Midwife, gp, agency? Will they refer me or dismiss it?

2: will they try to prevent me from giving her up? I know it's the best choice and the last thing I need is authorities trying to make me feel bad.

3: are there many people looking to adopt newborns? The last thing I want is for her to get caught up in an endless cycle of foster home to foster home until she's a teenager.

4: if there are adopters that will want her, will her being mixed race (half black Half white) impact her chances of finding parents?

[Kellis7383]

5: if I voultarily give her up are they likely to try too take my son from me as well? This is something that really scares me.

[Acorn44]

I cant answer your questions, but I am sure that there will be more experienced people around soon who can.

As someone in the process of applying to adopt, I just wanted to send you and love.

[Kr1stina]

Kelli

I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation, it must be very hard. I'm sorry I don't know your story .

The adoption would be organised by the local authority where you live . They will allocate you a social worker who will meet you lots of times and talk to you about your decision. This will probably be quite hard for you. You can have a friend or family member with you if that helps .

I'm sure you will understand they want to be sure that you are doing the right thing , that you know what you are doing and that you won't change your mind later .

They will also talk to your baby's father to see if he wants to raise her .

If not, then they will try to place your baby within his or your extended family .

If there is no one willing and able to take her, they will place her with an adoptive family .

Yes there are lots of families waiting to adopt a baby and some adoption agencies will place her with adopters from birth . Other will put her with foster carers and then adopters.

They will also try to place her with a mixed race family , you can ask for this if you want .

You could also ask for some contract after she is adopted, perhaps a letter and photo once a year or so . Is that something you would like?

If you are looking after your son well, there is no reason they would try to take him away from you . Is there a particular reason you are concerned about this ?

[Kr1stina]

There's more information about adoption here

corambaaf.org.uk/info/pregnant

[Kellis7383]

Thank you for your reply. I am hoping maybe a midwife can refer me to someone. I am coping with my son, I'm not involved with social services and health visitor knows my issues (mental health problems) but I'm working and doing ok and she has always been so encouraging and happy that I'm doing well. I can't have another though as i know I won't be able to cope. I'm just really scared that if I tell all this to someone of authority (as a reason for wanting to give her up) then they will start looking in to me and my son and end up taking him too. I am hoping and there is no real reason they should take him but it's just a fear at the back of my mind :(

[Kr1stina]

If you are Working and bringing up your son on your own, you are obviously very capable .

How old is your son ? is he in nursery when you are at work ?

Have you told your friends, family and colleagues about your pregnancy and what advice are they giving you ?

[Kellis7383]

He is 14 months old and he goes to a child minder whilst I'm working. I've only just gone back to work as took a year mat leave. Already feeling as though I can't cope it's so hard with a baby as well as my other issues.

I don't really have any friends, they care more about partying etc something I can't do as have the baby so they aren't really interested. My closest friend has just moved to Ireland. My dad is an alcoholic don't see him much at all, once a year if that. My mums remarried to a controlling man who doesn't want her having contact with me. I have brothers but the oldest one is 13. Have grandparents but they're in their late 70's now, although I'm very close to them could never logically expect them to help out with the children or anything as they're psyically not up to it anymore. They have already done so much for me. The place I'm living they own and charge me half the market rate rent and they've done other things such as buy me a car when I found out I was pregnant etc

[anxious123]

Your midwife can sign post you to the relevant part of social services or you can contact child placement yourself. I too have relinquished a baby at birth so if you want any more info please get in touch

[Kewcumber]

Do contact anxious she is a very sensible woman. It is rare to relinquish in the UK (my son as relinquished but not in the UK) and so having someone who understands might be very helpful to you if you do decide to go down this path.

Like Kristina I can;t imagine they would remove your son if you are competently caring for him though I can imagine you would worry about it.

[Arghhelp]

Kellis

Hello, I am a prospective adopter and I was wondering, where in London are you based? I know a lovely agency in the Wirral if that helps.

[MrsRW7]

Kellis,
I've only just read your post and wanted to say how brave and saddening it is. Hormones play havoc with normal thought processes in early pregnancy, even when people are lucky enough to have a totally secure home life and no genuine stresses. If you have already got some mental health problems, are looking after a toddler and holding down a job with the family background you describe you must be at your wits end, making it an especially brave post.
Social workers will only want to help you make the best long term decision for yourself and your little family and hopefully they would offer as much support as is possible to help you make the decision, with help from your CPN too etc. There may be things they could put in place to help support you as a parent that you don't know about, or support groups etc?
There's loads of adopters waiting for children and plenty of local authorities who would do 'foster to adopt' so that she could go straight to future adopters whilst legalities sorted. Open adoptions are not done frequently in the UK however and so the system isn't set up to encourage ongoing direct contact, which might be something you would want?
No one makes good decisions without having people to discuss them with, taking their time etc. I hope you are finding some time to yourself and someone to lean on.
Look after yourself, I really hope you are well supported X X

[fasparent]

Think best route is may be contact your local NHS Community nurse partnership who will have knowledge in this area and signpost you in the correct direction, are very experienced //www.fnp.nhs

[fasparent]

So Sorry is I hope //www.fnp.nhs.uk