Talk

Advanced search

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Intros

(18 Posts)
Mrscollydog Mon 08-Feb-16 23:46:44

2 sleeps till we start rather lengthy 2 week intros for our little girl who is 17 months (previous disruption mid intros at about 9 months so SS keen to go very slowly).
Can't stop thinking of what might go wrong! The impact on DS (7), and our lives. Its all stuff I have worked through in the process but feel like all those worries have popped up again.
There is no going back and we are committed 100%, just scared.
Anyone have any soothing wise words?

slkk Tue 09-Feb-16 07:26:03

Yikes 2 weeks. Just look after yourselves, don't plan anything else for that time, keep talking, sport cooking/shopping as much as you can beforehand, sleep lots and enjoy meeting your new little one!

delilabell Tue 09-Feb-16 10:33:23

We had a 10days intro for a 20month old. It felt like it was going to be way to long but actually worked out really well.
Make sure you look after yourself as it is very draining physically and emotionally but we look back at that time and how amazing it was.
Wishing you lots of luck x

MrsH1989 Tue 09-Feb-16 11:03:54

I would be batch cooking! Good luck with everything!

Careercakeeater Tue 09-Feb-16 16:21:33

Good luck! I haven't been on here in a while as we've been neck deep in settling our DS for the last 12 months! Definitely batch cook, and also I would say take time each evening to "decompress" either with your other half or a trust friend... Just talk over the good the bad and the ugly. I felt so overwhelmed and it was worse because we had to live in a hotel during intro but talking through things, laughing / crying / swearing etc all helped us to face each day as it came....

Good luck! You'll be fine smile

RaspberrySnowCone Tue 09-Feb-16 20:30:47

I always smile when people recommend batch cooking. DH and I bought a job lot of tesco finest meals and lots of easy grab/eat stuff just to keep going. I can't cook and decided that we didn't really want to suffer with food poisoning through intros....
Anyway, our intros were 10 days. I thought it would feel like a life time but it did go really quickly. Get fresh air when you can, talk to each other and lean on one another. Let people know that you might not be available to text/reply as and when they text in case they worry ....you might just be too tired to reply some nights.

Enjoy LO, take lots of photos if you can. Make notes maybe of what FC say about LO, it's a lot to take in and easy to forget something. I kept a diary right through and even now only a few months in I enjoy reading back through it and reminding myself of it all. It's surprising what you forget quickly so will probably enjoy reading it again over years to come smile

Enjoy! Congratulations smile

slkk Tue 09-Feb-16 20:45:25

Yes I meant batch cooking - think I was trying to write stock cooking (?) Just definitely not sport cooking.

Italiangreyhound Wed 10-Feb-16 02:55:53

Good luck, hope it goes well.

Mrscollydog Wed 10-Feb-16 06:30:30

Thanks for the advice everyone.
Its today!!!!!!!!!!

RaspberrySnowCone Wed 10-Feb-16 20:23:37

How did it go Mrscollydog? smile

Mrscollydog Wed 10-Feb-16 20:36:28

It was lovely, she is such a cutie and really receptive to us. Had a lovely play, just 2.5 hours today. I can see her being mine but she doesn't feel like mine yet.
Feel pretty daunted about getting her comfy with us and building attachment but its early days.
Totally exhausted, thankfully FC house only 40 mins away so home to my own bed.
4 hours tomorrow........
Appreciate the advise and support from everyone x

PootlewasthebestFlump Wed 10-Feb-16 22:09:57

Sounds like a great start. In a month's time we will (hopefully) be in your shoes. Terrifying and exciting all at the same time!

poppystellar Fri 12-Feb-16 10:10:13

Good luck with it all. Intros are busy and mental and totally exhausting but once your dc is home it is all worth it.

The best advice I can give is to say don't worry if things are difficult at any point during intros. The first few days of intros were really good for me. Then on the third or fourth day I took my dd out for the first time on my own and she screamed the place down (the park), kicked out, refused to move etc when I tried to get her back in my car. Visualise trying to get a cat into a cat carrier when they really don't want to go to the vets and you get the picture.

In the end I had to phone foster carer to come and collect her. I felt awful, like a total failure, and had a complete meltdown with my foster carer who, being lovely and very experienced was able to tell me it was all going to be ok. I got my mum to come over for the the next day of intros (I'm a single adopter) which were going to be my dd spending the day at my house. Thankfully the next day was better, although I was still a complete nervous wreck about going out in the car. I ended up making up songs with dds name in that we would sing every time we needed to get in the car (which wasn't often as I tried to walk wherever I could - most unlike me but the positive outcome of this was losing a bit of weight!!).

My dd has been home three years now. We still sing in the car and I discovered not long after she arrived that she suffers travel sickness which might explain the not wanting to get in the car thing. Anyway the point of all this rambling (there is one I promise!) is don't be disheartened if intros are difficult. You have to adopt (no pun intended) a "feel the fear and do it anyway" attitude. The whole intros process is difficult and unusual and slightly weird because you are co parenting in someone else's house with someone you don't know, but if things are hard remember it is not an indication of either how good or bad a parent you will be or how things will be once your dc is home for good. That said, there were some lovely moments for both me and dc during intros. Take loads of photos cos you won't remember much and try and get some rest at end of each day. You'll need it! Good luck with it all. Being an adoptive parent is the best job in the world smile

Mrscollydog Fri 12-Feb-16 16:13:28

Love that story poppystellar, especially your last sentence.
Today was amazing, really feel like we are making headway. She is a beautiful little dot and I hate leaving her more each day. .
Ready for a blip now as sure its in the post. Been too good so far. grin

PootlewasthebestFlump Fri 12-Feb-16 16:24:04

Sounds fab! You're doing great! grin

RaspberrySnowCone Fri 12-Feb-16 18:41:36

I think as Poppy says though, if there is a blip don't take it too much to heart. There's bound to be a few bumps. It's a big process/upheaval for us as adopters so our little people feel it a million times more. We, well, I had a blip during intros and on speaking to other RL adopters we all had one at some point. Glad it's going well smile

Mrscollydog Fri 12-Feb-16 19:41:59

Totally expecting the blip but revelling in the good bit. Get upset when I think of her being separated from her FC who she has been with for so long. Appreciating the support from you chaps who get it. Foreign concept to a lot of our friends.

RaspberrySnowCone Fri 12-Feb-16 19:51:53

Oh absolutely enjoy! Sorry, I didn't mean to sound killjoy. Just wanted to reassure you that if here is a blip then it will be just that, a blip so not to worry to much about it. It's a magical time smile

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now