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(15 Posts)
DaisyD123 Tue 19-Jan-16 15:30:15

After what seems like an eternity I'm finally meeting my soon to be son next week. He's 4 years old. Any advice on what to say / do welcome! Excited but also very scared!

MrsH1989 Tue 19-Jan-16 20:48:04


EtheltheFrog15 Tue 19-Jan-16 20:53:12

Great news, DaisyD123! Be prepared to ride the emotional rollercoaster. Your SWs have probably already advised to get rest after visits, don't even think about working and drink plenty of water and I agree with this (with the addition of the odd glass of something stronger). I was quite calm before the first meeting, then panicked afterwards; dc is lovely but was quite overpowering at the initial introduction and I came away in shock, wondering if we'd done the right thing. But day 2 was much better, we felt stronger and dc was calmer.
If you are going into this with a partner then make sure you talk and share your feelings and what ever you do, be honest with each other. We found that when one of us was wobbling the other was in a good place and vice versa. If you're doing this on your own, do make sure you have good friends to offload to after each visit. Our intros were 2 weeks and for us that was definitely the right amount of time. By the end of it we were as ready as we knew we would ever be.
Ask the foster carers anything and everything. They will be only too happy to advise (or should be) and no question will be too trivial, especially if, like us, you have no previous experience of childcare for more than a day or two at a time.
Good luck!

MintyLizzy9 Tue 19-Jan-16 21:59:40

Don't panic is my advice. After all the time, effort and emotional battering to get to that point I suddenly though what the *#€$ are you doing minty, you can't do this what the hell were you thinking, as I walked down th fister carers path for the first time! Then I clapped eyes on the little rebel and that was that smile

The best parts of intros for me were the normal bits....sitting on the floor with building bricks etc. Don't overthink it, let your LO come to you. Mine was very clear on what we were to play and I followed orders! Mine is younger than yours so for this age maybe bring along a little activity or game you can all play together and break the ice.

Enjoy it, it will go by in a blur, stock up the freezer with nice dinners and get plenty of wine's bloody exhausting and amazing in equal measures grin

Good luck X

UnderTheNameOfSanders Wed 20-Jan-16 12:43:26

Bubble mixture. Great distraction.

Don't worry if you don't feel overwhelming love on first sight.


Wet wipes in your bag.
And something like tuc biscuits for when out and about.


tldr Wed 20-Jan-16 13:21:01

If you get the chance, pump the foster carers for info. We found out far more in a 15 minute conversation after DC were in bed one night than we did from any other source, including those same foster carers in all the 'on the record' meetings.

Italiangreyhound Wed 20-Jan-16 17:07:24

Don't forget to take some photos on the first day.

Refer to yourself as mummy from day one, it's easier, he will follow suit hopefully.

We took a new teddy to give him and said when we left, can you look after teddy until we see you tomorrow? He seemed to like this. You coudl ask Foster carer for a good type of teddy/action figure/whatever to get, just an idea.

Don't forget to be nice to the foster carer! Make friends, they will be a useful source of information in the future. You could...

Offer to bring some food (e.g. fruit/cake etc) if you will be eating lunch at their home
Ask them their advice/options etc because even if yo don't take it in the long run it will show you value them and you will be in their home
Try and get a lift of your new child's favourite stories etc

Good luck.

jingscrivenshelpmaboab Wed 20-Jan-16 23:02:50

Re Italian's point about calling you mummy from the outset, it's certainly worth considering. We were introduced to DS (then 5) by our first names, and it was several months before we really became mummy and daddy. It was hard (and I did feel like the nanny when he called me when we were in the park), but the flip side was that he did it when he was ready. Trust your instincts about the plan for intros and how things are going, and if you feel you or the LO needs more time, don't be afraid to ask.
Definitely agree about getting to know the foster carers, and getting as much info from them as possible, and get lots of sleep. Day 1 is surreal, exhausting, and exhilarating.Chances are you'll be asleep by 9.00!

Biffa44 Thu 21-Jan-16 12:32:00

We took teddy bears on the first meeting to leave with the kids. They were from a 'Build-a-Bear' workshop and we had recorded a message in them - something along the lines of "I am XXXXX's new bear and I like to be cuddled". They thought the bears were fab, gave them something to focus on and the bears came everywhere with us for the first few weeks. We were glad when the recorded messages gave up!
Be prepared to be absolutely exhausted. We found it completely stressful, odd and awkward doing our 'thing' then having to go back to the foster carer's at the end of the day. We were glad when it was over.

DaisyD123 Sun 24-Jan-16 19:51:22

Thanks for the advice all. 4 more sleeps to go!!!!

Rainatnight Sun 24-Jan-16 21:20:06

Exciting! flowers

Rainatnight Sun 31-Jan-16 09:24:44

How's it going, Daisy? Hope all well.

DaisyD123 Sun 17-Apr-16 20:23:43

The introductions went amazingly well. I can't thank the foster carers enough for the part they played getting my DS prepared. My son has now been living with me for 2.5 months and it's been amazing. All of the hassle of 'the process' was worth it! I feel like I won the lottery. Hang in there everyone who is going through the process. Your time will come and the wait will have been worth it!

thefamilyvonstrop Sun 17-Apr-16 20:47:22

Congratulations Daisy, a good foster carer can make a huge difference, I agree.

Kr1stina Sun 17-Apr-16 21:13:56

That's great news daisy

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