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Starting the process of adopting our nephew

(6 Posts)
TamsinJG Thu 10-Dec-15 16:37:09

My partner and I would like to adopt our 6 week old nephew. He has lived with us his entire life, and my sister also lives with us, though she wants to move back home. She has been very honest with everybody from the beginning of her pregnancy that she wished to put him up for adoption, but her mum was worried she would change her mind when he got here, so she decided to keep him until she was 100% certain, and she is now 100% certain. She is only 16, and really just wants her old life back, which I understand. Our nephew's father has refused to see him at every opportunity, and is not on the birth certificate.

We have an appointment with a social worker on Monday; but the truth is I'm very nervous that we have no chance. My nephew and I are both white, but my partner is black, so any more children we would have would be mixed race. We are also a same sex couple, and were trying to conceive a baby of our own for 6 months with donor sperm before our nephew was born. I'm also very worried that because my sister and him have been living here since he was born that any social worker will think that this is something we have forced on my sister, and its completely not, she just wanted somewhere less hectic than my step-mums home to raise him until she had made a decision.

Has anybody got any words of advise?

MrsH1989 Thu 10-Dec-15 18:36:09

I dont think the race of your partner will be an issue. I also dont think your sister having lived with you would either as they would speak to all people involved in your lives and her inparticular to make sure this is what she wants. Perhaps you will be asked to go to counselling and the process may take a while longer but I dont see how that would stop you. The fact that you were trying to conceive may be something they bring up but not sure what they will suggest here. We have been told we absolutely cannot have any more children short of a miracle happening or me having an affair but I have still been asked to go on contraception.

mybloodykitchen Thu 10-Dec-15 19:13:38

Tbh if sws have a relinquished baby and a close relative with whom he has a close bond already who is willing to adopt him I am fairly certain they'll do anything they can to make that happen. They want children to stay with birth families (no matter what you read in the daily fail).

Nothing you've said here is likely to make a difference to that fact.

ConfusedInBath Thu 10-Dec-15 19:37:49

I've recently become the legal guardian of my grandson under a Special Guardian Order ( SGO) the preffered arrangement when families are involved. My GS was removed from his BM age 2 by SS.
We had to go through a very intrusive assessment that took months, our friends had to be interviewed, our bank statements scrutinised and ex partners interviewed too.

This is quite a delicate situation being that your sister is so young, I'm sure she is very confused right now and possibly will change her mind about keeping the baby at some point.

Be sure to write down all your queries before you meet the SW.

Mama1980 Thu 10-Dec-15 22:59:58

Hi I think ss first instinct is going to be to look at getting some counselling for your sister, to help her fully determine what she wants to do and look at what options regarding contact etc are open to her if she does decide to go down the adoption route. They will want to be absolutely certain that whatever decision she makes is hers.
I have custody of my eldest by sgo her biological half sister by adoption. Their birth mother is a distant relation though for reasons that aren't relevant here legally there can be no contact.
I imagine ss will want to discuss the possibility of an sgo as an alternative to adoption in this situation. It might be something worth looking into to see if you'd be open to it.
I has to undergo intensive home visits, counselling, my life was pored over, financials checked and friends and family interviewed, references sought etc. Basically the same as any adoption, it doesn't really change if it's a family relation.
I can't see why your partners race or gender would be relevant. But the fertility factor is something I think they will want to discuss in detail, and I'm 99.9 % certain that stopping all treatment for the foreseeable future will be required. (With youngest I had to prove I don't infact have a uterus anymore before they dropped the issue!) so you should be prepared for that.
Ss are always keen for children to stay within the birth family if possible, studies have shown time and again that this is where possible best for the child. So I imagine they will be very willing to work with you.
I would also advise taking a pad and pen to the meeting to note down key questions that you have and what answers are given to meetings, it can be hard it keep everything straight.

Italiangreyhound Fri 11-Dec-15 01:00:57

Agree with mybloodykitchen and mama, I think the process will be similar for adoption for you and lots of counselling and questions for your sister.

I think social services will be very happy to have you, regardless of sex or ethnicity, but be prepared to stop treatment for now and concentrate on the baby.

Good luck.

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