Hello, I'm posting for a bit of hand holding really. DS(4) has been home for 16 months. We had a lot of behaviour problems in the early days and he still has control issues and some challenging behaviour at home. Last year at nursery he was very quiet and shy.
Anyway, he started school this year with an ehcp as he has very delayed language so is in a speech and language unit attached to a mainstream school. All was well for a few weeks and academically he is thriving. However, his behaviour is getting worse and worse. Hitting, spitting, slapping and biting teachers and today he threw a chair across the room. We are also getting bad reports from transport (undoing seatbelts, refusing to sit where told, trying to climb over seats, spitting etc).
I'm a bit lost as to know what to do or say when we get these reports. My instinct is to be horrified and cross, but an opposing instinct is to wrap him up and protect him from this crazy world that he can't cope with. There have been staff changes at school and some weeks he has as many as three different escorts on the minibus.
It is hard to talk to him meaningfully about his behaviour as I am not sure how much he understands. However tonight when talking about it he said 'try again good boy' then he cried and said 'help me mummy'. It broke my heart. I don't know how to help him when I'm not there!
I have spoken to the senco and she is looking into play therapy for next term.
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trouble at school
slkk · 03/12/2015 17:10
This sounds very stressful all round 
Right. Firstly, the thinking chair has to go. I'm sure the school are doing it with the best of intentions, but your DS is very likely to experience it as a rejection, and it will very likely make the behaviour worse. I'm not a fan of this for any 4yo, let alone one who has experienced so much upheaval and has difficulty communicating.
I think it's important to move away from the idea of 'good' and 'bad' behaviour- he has some really big emotions to deal with, and this is his way of dealing with them. Giving him other ways to deal with them might help, but labelling his feelings as 'bad' (he may not be able to separate his feelings from his behaviour) certainly won't.
Does your DS attract Pupil Premium? I would very strongly recommend that it should be spent on training all the staff in the unit (preferably the school) in working with trauma experienced children. Whilst there is a place for play therapy, I think perhaps school needs to recognise the huge part they play in helping children recover from their early experiences, and not see this recovery as being facilitated by someone else who they have bought in, IYSWIM.
It's difficult for schools when they are asked to think in a different way about behaviour, particularly when they need to reject the received wisdom about not reinforcing negative behaviour. When a trauma experienced child kicks someone in the face, they are far more likely to need a hug than a time out. They need to turn their thinking about behaviour on its head.
I would contact your LA's virtual head/virtual school, who -although they don't work with adopted children- may be able to signpost you towards good training providers.
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